Really shit time at ds1 swimming lesson.

[Staryeyed]

We received family fund money for DS1 (7) severe ASD non verbal to have swimming lessons. I booked him a crash course . He has been going this week. I thought it was going well ds was enjoying himself everything seemed fine unutil the lady who runs it told me ds was kicking the swimming teacher, not aggressively but he gets vey excited in the water. He is not aggressive and he would not be aware he is doing it. She asked me how to deal with it. I said to say firmly " no kicking" and move him away. Then as he got out of the pool he wet himself. I took him to the toilet before he went and he has been trained for wees for a year now. I didnt expect that to happen. She said if he does it again they would have to evacuate and clean the pool. She wasnt very tactful and it felt like she was saying dont bring him back. I cant do anything differently so I wont be taking him back. Now i feel like shit.

I think she should feel like shit rather than you as she didn't make you both feel very welcome by mentioning about evacuating the pool!

We have been doing 1-1 crash course swimming lessons this week too. Our instructor has been great and very supportive. However I do feel that he has no specific knowledge of how to pair/bond with an autistic/learning disabled child and this limits what he can achieve with ds1. ds1 wet himself too (fortunately out of sight in our changing room) but he has been dry day and night for nearly 5 years and has never done this before either. I wonder if the water makes them thinks somehow it is ok ? If you feel up to it, could you complain (in a nice way) . Just tell the council people how you were made to feel and is that really how they want parents of disabled children to feel ?

The thing is I chose this course because they advertise as catering for ASD. Not council run, it's a private swim school DS had 1:1 lessons. But they don't seem particularly understanding. Whilst I understand they don't want his teacher to be kicked there is nothing that I could do to stop that unless I went in the pool with him. I'm sure they could have worked out a way that Ds wasn't able to kick him. They did know it wasn't aggressive/ purposely done ( she said that). He is squealing and laughing and just flailing round his arms and legs- simply over excited and enjoying himself.
There is also nothing I can do to prevent him wetting himself.I considered a swim nappy for Ds but I dont want to confuse him.

It was the whole way I was approached both times she wasn't very discreet and didn't offer any suggestions just made me feel like DS wasn't welcome/ was an inconvenience

I'm not taking him back. I need help wording an email. Perhaps I should just write a simple "I won't be bringing DS tomorrow."

they don't evacuatee the pool when children wee - there are a lot of dc that do wee in the pool and that is why there are chemicals in the water.

Please email more than that - so that this doesn't happen to others, please make them aware of their flaws

He didn't even wee in the pool it was on the edge. If he had peed in the pool I'm not sure how they would have known.

What should I write?

I take it would be his last lesson tomorrow - he obviously loves it take him back, ultimately he doesn't feel bad you do because of this stupid woman. Besides she will have won if you don't and she'll pocket the money. Go and then write your email- quote the website where they say they cater for asd - and how it made you feel when she discussed evacuating the pool especially as most dc wee in the pool - I know I did as a child! Don't let this woman distract you from the fact your ds loves it that's the main thing. I would also look up a fact sheet on information for assisting non-verbal asd children and advise her to better educate herself on ASD before she claims she can deal with it. Goodluck and lots of hugs

Sorry - I know that he didn't wee in the pool - what I meant was even when they do wee in the pool they don't evacuate, so she was being blardy minded.

I would write that you are dismayed that this was supposed to be a swimming course for dc with sn and the tutor clearly doesn't understand sn, the kicking through excitment and the weeing on the side of the pool were not done on purpose and yet this tutor clearly couldn't cope with this type of behaviour and made you feel uncomfortable that you will not be returning to the pool. Every sn needs is different and have different needs and this has not been made clear to this tutor.

in future could they please make the tutors away that the children have sn and their needs and abilities will vary and not to be condesending (sp?) with the parents when things go differently from expected.

I think it's pretty bad that a swimming course that claims to cater for ASD has staff that clearly have no actual understanding of ASD at all.

Not good.
And he didnt wee in the pool!
Take him again.
Can he wear a swim pant to shut them up next time?

they are not good, just to clarify!!

This is quite common ime with ASD. I generally avoid anything that advertises itself as being for ASD as they find nine times out of ten they haven't got a clue about non-verbal severe autism. Or I phone them and grill them first. It is very upsetting when you think they'll get it and turn up and find out they have no idea.

How's he doing with the swimming lesson apart from the teacher? Is it just one more day? I would ignore the silly teacher and take him, then write a letter saying they should make it clear if they cannot cope with severe autism and should make it clear they mean HFA. I find that if a centre says they can cope with severe learning disabilities they can usually cope with my son.

If you want more swimming then if there's a Halliwick teacher near you they will probably be a better bet!

When I booked, I described DS1 to them, explaining he has poor understanding etc and asked if they could cater for him and they said they could. They didn't really ask any questions about him which I suppose should have been a warning. He didn't seem to be learning very much but was a having a great time!

I don't think I could bare to take him back if Ds did wee I think she might humiliate him/me (Ds would not be aware, but that's not the point) and there is no guarantee he wouldn't as I didn't think he would today. Plus its horrible to be somewhere where you dont feel welcome.

I will take Ds swimming somewhere else.

Ivykaty that post was just a general rambling, not correcting you.

Thanks jimjams I will research that a bit and see what I can come up with in terms of ongoing lessons.

Oh yes I know what you mean about it being wrong even though he doesn't show awareness of being humiliated.

FWIW I have pulled ds1 out of things before for exactly the same reasons.

If you're near me bring him surfing

How awful for you. So annoying when people claim to cater for SN but do not seem to have had any training to do so. If you are anywhere near stanmore go to aspire pool at orthopaedic hospital. Whole place equipped for all types of disability. Ds having drowning swimming lessons and staff very good with him.

Have emailed simple message about handling situation insensitively and weeing in pool nonsense.

Not near you at all jimjams -north London.

Will look into Stanmore pool.

Most kids wee in the pool!! Super bitch she sounds like. Take him back, more important he has fun than her feelings. Hugs. x

Let us know if she response like most arseholes she will astounded she's caused offence

Responds that is - bloody predictive text

She replied by backtracking about weeing in the pool and saying he was welcome.I didn't go.

perhaps she'll have a bit more empathy next time it happens to someone else. Well done OP.

I am sorry to hear about the swimming lesson and so angry! What makes me cross is they claim to work Well with SN but actually have no clue!!! Well done you for refusing to take him but do try and find another pool for him and don't let her put you off!!!