(How) Do you take care of yourselves?

[BeeMom]

Recently, I can feel my stress level becoming more and more overwhelming. Doing dd's cares, waiting for the other shoe to drop with regard to her medical needs (we are always on tenterhooks waiting for the next septic episode or some other curve ball), trying to manage money and time, preparing ds for secondary school, dealing with dh's long work hours and work-related stress, keeping the house and garden in order... it all weighs heavily on me.

I KNOW I need to get myself to a doctor to deal with a few issues, not the least of which is (very) high blood pressure. Medical issues, however, are only a small part of what I need to attend to. In all of the issues we face with the kids, I have "lost" myself... I wrote about the family strain on my blog (writing is one of my only escapes).

This got me to thinking - I would be delusional to think that I am the only one feeling this way. There are "escape" activities for kids with special needs, there are activities for siblings, but what of the parents? If you could run off for an hour or two - what would you do to relax? What DO you do to care for yourself, or are you like me - promise to do something some time, but constantly put it off?

How do you get from one day to the next?

I started studying long distance to keep brain occupied in the evenings and once a year go away for five days on my own for a music festival - go really wild... Otherwise the occasional concert and lots of reading. Still find it difficult though and so far resisted happy pills, as ds with sn is small and expect more heartbreaks later on. This is all possible thanks to my husband, without him don't want to imagine how could I make it.

Moodgym
Low-intensity counselling
Bought wax strips today, so looking less like a monkey should help

prozac and prayer, not necessarily in that order,

don't mean to be flippant, finding someone outside the situation has also been soooo useful, and even on line stuff like MNSN has been really helpful outlet,

OP do you have a carers centre in your area? I know i have had access to free outings (for you not for dcs) and a free short course on jewellery making (with other carers) which was lovely..

I am in Canada, and resources for carers are few and far between. sigh I would LOVE to have a chance to take a course or an outing like that.

By making an attempt to have nice stuff, clothes, make up, products, jewellery etc. going to the hair dressers regularly. I'm not into facials or treatments myself but that kind of thing may work for others. Sometimes concentrating on this kind of more trivial stuff helps me with the bigger issues.

And op please get to the GP. Remember about attaching your own oxygen mask first on a plane .

Honestly? I don't. Really struggling with job, DD1 (4, severly autistic), DD2 (20 months and a handful), household. Now also pending tribunal for DD1's statement. I have no family to help, so don't get any breaks at all. Either I am at work, at the nursery/school run, at hospital or at home with DDs trying to stay on top of things. No evenings out, rarely days out and no holiday for 6 years. I am on autopilot most of the time. that's how I cope. And chocolate.

Forgot about chocolate and alcohol!

My heavenly moment is a trip to Tesco and a latte in the car in the sun on my own after doing the shoping. Other than that not much to be honest I like my own company dont go out and if I do its with the children due to work pressures. To be honest I resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is a long time ago and got some prozac (lol @ sign) I dont drink as I wouldnt get up in the morning so my treat is coffee and chocolate and MN :)

There are no carers groups down here or any SN groups so its a very much bite the bullet and get on with it sort of life.

I joined Rockchoir! Once a week I go and sing my head off for 1.5 hours and return refreshed:)

Having said that, DS2 (ASD) is 15 now so it has taken me THAT long to realise I needed something just for me!

Running is my tonic. I'll never be very fast, but I do find it knackering almost meditative.

You have my sympathies though. Dd1 with PMLD, DS is a lovely but normal toddler, DD2 is 6 months old and sleep aversive and I'm trying to get back to work. Arrrgh. I need to get better at looking after me, so will watch this thread with interest. I am hyper anxious at the moment :(.

BeeMom I am afraid you have no choice, you have to pick yourself up dust yourself down and start all over again Take each hour as it comes. Keep your chin up and take care x

I will share an idea I am working on (but likely not until tomorrow, and possibly incoherently). Dd has night nursing so I can sleep (her IV meds and cares are 24h/day) but the nursing agency has been unable to fill the shifts for tonight and tomorrow, so I am effectively on duty from 8 this morning until 10 Monday night... I will be knackered by then for sure.

For me, sometimes to shrug off the stress I do silly things. Tonight, for example, we are moving "the circus" outside. Dd wants to "go camping", so I am going to run extension cables from the house to power her equipment, cover the enclosure on our trampoline in the garden with a tarp, and sleep outside with her . My logic - if I am laid beside her with my alarm set to go off hourly for meds and scheduled cares and she is connected to her monitor, I can get a bit of sleep and still give her the "campout" she so desperately wants.

Am I crazy? For sure! Call it making memories...

Knitting. I find it very relaxing - a complicated pattern I can really sink my needles into is best because I get bored and think too much if it's simple. I recently took off for the day into Northumberland with some fellow Northeastern Ravelry members and we had a great time. It was very refreshing.

Now the kids are both at school full time, most of the time, I'm slowly but surely fixing up the house, too. It's not strictly me time, and I often have physical difficulties with it because of my HMS, but seeing grotty walls and woodwork transformed and slowly improving my surroundings works wonders for my mental state.

That's a great idea, Beemom. I think shaking up the routine a bit, even with kids who desperately need routine, can be really refreshing.

That sounds a great idea BeeMom and sounds like fun for your DD :)

I like space so tend to be outside a lot. My garden is small but I find gardening theraputic and DS enjoys gardening too. Been clearing debris today and off to the dump with it. Then we all walked down to the beach and the tide was out so DS and DD had miles to draw pictures in the sand while I was watching them with my latte :)

Tree chopping tomorrow (good for stress!) then paint the fences with the music set to high the next day. Then its DS turn to chalk his face targets back on the fences for his water gun practice

I am not great at taking care of my health and have a few issues which need sorting out.

I do Guides to give me a break from homey stuff.
Even though it is still with kids and some with SN's it is very different to being at home.

I also go away at every opportunity, we camp so it is relatively easy to get away. Dd3 loves being outdoors, like me and so long as she has a bit of space to ride her bike and a stream to play in she is happy.

My house is a tip most of the time and sometimes it drives me mad but mostly I just ignore it and carry on.

Things came to a head for me a few months ago.
I was severely anaemic, my back is badly damaged and I was struggling.
I was in bed at 8 pm every night :(
Since then I have had the more a coil fitted ( to stop the ridiculous bleeding)
I am on a low carb diet to lose weight and feel better.
I am doing a Pilates DVD and am swimming when I can.
I am also going back to study in oct.
It's very very hard but no one can do it for you.
Good luck x