OK, this may ramble a little.
So, you know I have always thought that DD1 was a little 'spectrummy' and the Paed always says no she isn't, and I always feel that she just masks with superficial social veneers?
And you know that I have a question mark over DD2 regarding HFA? Silly things on their own, but added up, makes me think. Things like refusing her favourite colour cutlery because it isn't her turn, even though it's being offered to her and crying because I've broken the rule.
DD3 is now 3.3, and we are realising that we are experiencing so many 'firsts' with her. Imaginative play, like real imaginative play. Lying, proper lying. Picking up on the nuances of jokes and following suit, rather than just parroting what has been done. Obsession with poo..totally normal, but something that DD3 has initiated and now DD2 and DD1 are following her lead, rather than the other way round.
DD2 is very loud...she doesn't seem to be able to modulate her voice according to the situation. Even her whisper is loud, IYSWIM. She is very matter of fact, and can't accept me telling her to just do something and I'll explain later. She got devestatingly upset because my Mum told her that my Brother (who she doesn't see often) is 'in our family' because he doesn't live with us.
Soooooo
DH.
Before I start, he is the most lovely man. Truly. Even some of his most difficult episodes are in no way malicious. But over time, I've noticed that he 'takes after his Dad' more. His Dad is seen as quite a 'difficult' man, but tbh, I've suspected that he is undiagnosed ASD.
If I tell you a few incidents, can you tell me what you think?
So:
When we were younger, just friends, I was at his house and he offered me lunch. He got out a mouldy loaf and started cutting. I said 'err it's mouldy' and he said 'Mum doesn't like food to be wasted'. I declined 
. There was a fresh loaf, and his Mum got really very cross because of course she didn't expect him to eat bad food.
More recently, I felt very unwell. I had a migraine, but realised that I couldn't see well at all, and couldn't feel my body well. So I managed to phone DH who was in bed, and tell him. I asked him to come down and help me. He thought 'I wanted the light turned on' so that I could see. I stumbled up the stairs, then collapsed on the floor in the hall. I apparently mumbled 'just give me a pillow I'll be fine (I have no real recollection after stumbling upstairs) and so he did and went to bed. In the early hours I woke to find myself in bed, fully clothed. When we talked about it, he said I'd said I was fine, so he thought I was, even though it was clear that this was really very odd behaviour.
He is very literal, often has to have jokes explained to him, very dispassionate about many things. We have been part of an online group for almost 3 years, and there was some in-fighting and a split. When we talked about it, I said that he didn't seem at all bothered and he said 'well it's not as if I made a relationship with them like you did...
He's verry verry organised within his little sphere. If something is part of his routine, it gets done without fail. But if something is new, it just won't get done.
He doesn't really pick up on atmosphere. In fact, once, when it seemed he would miss a deadline, one of his bosses asked him to 'at least fake a panic'.
A few weeks ago, I came in and DH was getting the children ready for bed. I heard crying. It went on. It turns out that DD2 had tripped and banged her head/cheek on the door frame. When I went up, DH was continuing to brush teeth with the other children. He said that he was 'finishing this job' before he dealt with DD2. I went a bit mad, and later, when we talked about it, he admitted that he was just focussed on getting their teeth brushed, that he 'knew something was missing' but couldn't work out what 
He felt remorse when I pointed out that he neglected DD2's needs by ignoring her, but he genuinely hadn't realised that he needed to stop the 'job' to deal with her.
The thing is he really loves the children, he loves me, he's not an unkind man.
Do you think I'm right to be wondering if he has ASD himself?
If so...what on earth can I do? Do adults even get diagnosed, and if he were to be, would it make a difference?