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SN children

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Original poster

A great feeling

30 replies

theDudesmummy · 27/07/2012 07:42

Yesterday was a wonderful day. This is going to sound like nothing much to people with an NT child I suspect, for for us it was huge.

DS (3, ASD) has never been able to walk down the road, or anywhere, without either being strapped into a pushchair or else running so fast, headlong, with no brakes and only one speed (and no sense of waiting for anyone) that he could not be unstrapped from the pushchair unless you were in a park or similar area, and were prepared to run after him, really really fast. Nowhere near a road, oh no.

Yesterday afternoon I got home from work and needed to walk to the high street nearby to do various bits. My (very wonderful) ABA tutor said she would walk with me and we would take DS. I started putting him in the pushchair and she said no, lets just actually walk with him, with him holding hands. I was sceptical and took the pushchair with us as well. Previously if expected to walk holding hands he would have either screamed a lot and sat down on the pavement (and very possibly banged his head repeatedly on said pavement) or continually tried to escape and run off (very possibly into the road).

We walked to the high street. We walked along it. We went past the sliding doors of two shops wthout playing with them or screaming. We went into two shops and bought some things. The tutor said bye, gave him a kiss, and got on her bus. Me and DS walked home, in the sunshine, with him trotting along at my pace, holding my hand, like any little boy. We stopped at crossings and waited and then we said "go" and continued. No-one stared. No-one looked.

It is hard to explain how amazing it felt.

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Original poster

theDudesmummy · 27/07/2012 07:45

PS here was champagne and tears later when DH got home. That is certainly one thing about having a SN child. To be able to celebrate walking to the high street and back as if it was an Olympic event and we just won the gold medal, well, that is not what most people would find exciting but...well, you know....

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IndigoBell · 27/07/2012 08:02

Congratulations Dude and your mum.

No wonder you feel so good.

This 'little' milestone is huge. And will have a huge impact on your quality of life.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 27/07/2012 08:05

The "little things" are HUGE. Welll done!!!!!

Original poster

theDudesmummy · 27/07/2012 08:31

It means, for a start, that our holiday, coming up in 2 weeks time, is not (hopefully) going to consist entirely of adults taking it in (exahusted) turns to chase DS up and down a beach or pier in 40 degree heat (in defence of that holiday, which last year's, I would say that both DH and I came back having lost about 3kg in weight each, not the usual trend for a holiday!).

Honestly though, I can see that this is going to make a significant difference. Just to feel like a "normal" mummy, walking down the road with my thee year old child, is totally priceless. (I felt like I was walking down the high street naked, it felt so odd!)

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PrinceRogersNelson · 27/07/2012 09:05

That sounds wonderful! Just to do something that other people take for granted. I hope you get another walk soon!

lionheart · 27/07/2012 09:09

That's fantastic.

marchduck · 27/07/2012 09:12

theDudesmummy, that's just brilliant!
Your post has got me thinking about trying this with DD (3.6). I always have her in her pushchair, and would love to think that we could maybe go for a short walk without it. I might try to spend some time today practicing holding hands, she's not normally keen ..
Have a lovely holiday!

dev9aug · 27/07/2012 09:24

Well done... It is really good to hear these stories... Hopefully you will get many more to tell soon..

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 27/07/2012 09:40

It is a good 'side effect' isn't it? Every developmental step is never taken for granted and properly celebrated. of the champagne!

Original poster

theDudesmummy · 27/07/2012 09:50

My DH brought the champagne home with him, although he admitted later that he had not believed me when I phoned him to hysterically recount what had just happened! (he did believe me later however as I took DS out, just a little way down the road this time, while DH watched from a window!)

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pinkorkid · 27/07/2012 10:18

Fantastic news - sounds like a real breakthrough. Hope you enjoy your hols now and many more stressfree walks.

starfish71 · 27/07/2012 10:22

That is fantastic! What a great step forward :)

Original poster

theDudesmummy · 27/07/2012 10:31

Now this is what is great about Mumsnet Special Needs: I can post about a thee year old walking down the road and lots of people are able to understand and congratulate us! The people who bash/ridicule MN have not got a clue. This site has been such a godsend.

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returnvisit · 27/07/2012 19:30

That's great!

WorrierPrincess · 27/07/2012 19:35

That's amazing news! Well done Dude!! Sounds like your tutor is making a huge difference. Have you seen any other promising developments since starting ABA?

bialystockandbloom · 27/07/2012 19:39

Brilliant!! Well done to him, and you

I've had a great day too - ds properly lied to me today (told me he'd done a poo and wiped his bottom on his own, so he could get 5mins on the ipad). I knew he hadn't and he was a rubbish liar, but I was so pleased to see a bit of a theory of mind like that I pretended I believed him and he got the ipad

Thank god for MNSN - where else would anyone appreciate that!

(ABA is great isn't it?!)

Ineedaflippinmedal · 27/07/2012 19:56

Great news, well done minidude and dudesmummy

Dd3 was a runner so I know exactly what an achievment this is

NoHaudinMaWheest · 27/07/2012 20:06

That's really great. Well done to all.

RinkyDinkyDoo · 27/07/2012 20:45

Lovely news and well done to the Dude!!!!!!x

coff33pot · 27/07/2012 23:10

Great! well done Dude! xx

Original poster

theDudesmummy · 28/07/2012 09:27

Thanks all! Yes I am fast becoming a total ABA evangelist, I think every child in the land should have some! Well, in reality..., to answer the question about other changes, yes we have seen lots of change, after 6 weeks.

6 weeks ago DS could/would not: walk holding hands, go anywhere you wanted him to without sitting down on the ground and making an almighty fuss, allow anyone else to leave the house without bashing his head hard about twenty times on the floor, sit at a table and imitate a task, do any kind of imitation in fact, make sustained eye contact, or make any requests by words or signs (ie could not mand, in the terminology). He can now do all these things, and does do them, consistently. He is also calmer, easier to be with, much more focused and generally a sweet giggly little interactive pleasure, as opposed to a screaming, incomprehensible ball of pent up energy.

OK, there's been no magic wand! He is still of course very different from other children his age. He still has tantrums (but two headbangs are the max now, and he often cheats by putting his hand under his forehead, so we never now have the bruises on his head that made me worried Social Services would be on the doorstep at any moment). He has a few signs and can say three words (come, go and tickle), and it is still often hard to work out what he wants/why he is upset. He only does the table imitation exercises for a couple of seconds at a time at the moment. He still wants to open and close doors, and turn switches on and off. It is still quite hard to get him past a sliding door in a shop (although it can be done). But the change, to those of us who know him well, is still really very great. And that's just 6 weeks in!

It was really good the other evening when a friend who had not seen him for a couple of months came around to supper and asked me whether he had been put on medication, because his behaviour has changed so much! No medication, just good ABA done by people who know what they are doing and are really energetic and dedicated to helping him (both the tutors and the consultant)...

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Original poster

theDudesmummy · 28/07/2012 09:28

OH and bialy, great about the lying! (Where else would one be able to say that!)

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willowthecat · 28/07/2012 12:42

ds is 8 and now I can let him walk on his own in front of me ! I still get goosebumps when I pass "normal' people who don't realise how extraordinary it is

willowthecat · 28/07/2012 12:45

I was at an SN playground with ds yesterday and there was an outing from an autistic playscheme. One boy did not want to leave and get back on the bus. There were at least 4 playscheme workers flapping uselessly around him. I could not help thinking my ABA tutor could have got him on the bus in 30 seconds if he had been working with her. She is lovely btw very child orientated but she does set boundaries and expects complicance. It really annoys me that ABA is so much disregarded and criticised by people who know nothing about it anyway.

Original poster

theDudesmummy · 28/07/2012 13:26

Exactly willow. And my tutor would also have got that boy straight on the bus!

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