How to stay reasonable when ds is so utterly unreasonable?

[shoppingbagsundereyes]

Massive melt down today and I find myself filled with rage at the utter unreasonableness of it. Took ds to toysrus to choose a new toy. Big preparation chat about how we csn't change our mind once we leave the shop etc. we get home, he plays with the new toy for 30 mins then started absolutely howling because he wishes he had chosen something else. Cue 15 mins screaming and crying melt down, begging me to go back to the shop, threatening to break the new toy etc.
I shouted. I try so hard to avoid shouting because I know it only makes things worse but the whole bloody unfairness of it really got to me today. So how do you manage to stay reasonable in the face of total unreasonableness?

Sometimes I laugh.

Not at them, that's the quickest way to a broken nose (mine), but sometimes it's laugh or cry and I choose to laugh.

Sometimes I just let them get on with it. There's no way to stop it, with a meltdown (as opposed to a tantrum) even if you bought 20 of what they now want and waved them in front of them - it wouldn't calm them down. Cos meltdown isn't about control in the way that a tantrum is, as you know. And won't stop if they get their own way anyway.

In this situation I would (and have) said "ok then, if you don't want it that's fine" and taken it away, put it out of reach and gone made myself a coffee and let the fun begin.

There's often nothing else you can do. You can't stop it. All you can do is make sure they can't hurt themselves and ride it out. I don't know about yours, but any attempt from me to interact with mine results in wilder fury. They can't take any attempt to talk to them or touch them. Any sensory input at all on top of what they are going through and they go nuclear.

Same here. I shouted at him because he kept following me. He ran off to another room and howled til he calmed down. He then called 'I just really need a cuddle' which is standard when he has calmed down and always breaks my heart. So we had a cuddle in coolest room in the house and he then laid on the bed and watched a bit of tv (my bed, not his, no tv in his room or he would never go to bed)

I have to agree with Hecate on this. DS2 in a meltdown is all about overload and distress, not about control, as he is so obviously out of control. I would just put the toy away and focus on the upset. DS2 NEEDS sensory input when he is having a meltdown. It's seems to ground him and pull him back to where he can hear and talk again, although sometimes it takes forever to get through, while he is flailing and shrieking and throwing himself about. (I can foresee lots of injuries to me if this pattern continues when he is older .. sigh)

I do try to put myself in his place when I start getting frustrated. How would I feel if I had no control over anything and felt like everything (noise, colours, etc) were just screaming out at me? Helps me keep it in perspective, although sometimes it can be really difficult, especially when I'm tired.

more and running into another room to pull faces and stick 2 fingers up and occasionally try to rip a towel.

Sometimes I growl in an attempt to avoid shouting. Great role model me

yep. chocolate and wine help immensely too

I'm not sure I do really!
But I agree with riding it out.