My out-of-sight-out-of-mind-DD

[littlelegsmum]

DD is 11 and due to move to high school in September. She has a few issues which are being assessed. One of (the many) problems I have with her is her refusal to acknowledge that she has to do schoolwork when not in school. I'm going to be working with DC over the holidays but just keep getting "It's summer holidays, we don't need to" she feels its a huge injustice to HER time and there is no reasoning with her - she acts more like a 7 year old, so it's so difficult.

I'm not pushing her at the minute be she feels that school work is only for school time, she feels that I should do all her cleaning and tidying, if she's made a mess, as i'm the mum . . etc etc . . A very simple out-of-sight-out-of-mind child!

This is really really common with children with ASD, I am not saying your Dd has ASD but just that it is common.

For children with these issues school is school and home is home and never the twain shall meet.

I dont know if you saw "Autistic superstars" on the TV but Martin was a classic example of this, he was an amazing singer but before the filming he had never ever sung at home, only at school.

My Dd's 1 and 3 struggle with this as do many other DC's whose parents come on this board.

Personally I dont bother anymore, Dd3 has accepted that she has to do 2 pieces of homework a week and these are done in a very rushed manner but they are done.

She does other stuff that is educational such as making posters about the topics they are covering at school and researching stuff on the internet.

Does your Dd like computers? if she does try using something like my maths or bitesize or one of the other millions of educational sites instead of pencil and paper.

Sorry you are having to deal with this, I know exactly how difficult it is and have been their.

When Dd3 goes to secondary I am going to ask if they have a homework club so that all her homework can be done at school, thus avoiding the problem. Dd1 was a nightmare.

Good luck

All the secondary schools we've visited have had homework clubs. A couple had sessions before school, at lunchtime and after school and a mix of drop-ins where they can use the computers etc and more formal clubs where there are several teachers on hand to help.

Ds1 is the same about home is home and school is school. The only way I can get him to do anything educational is either to find the best computer-based, game-like application that's relevant to what we need to work on or to work in into our daily schedule in a non-negotiable way, but make it rewarding.

This holiday he has to do a minimum of half an hour typing a day, plus another half an hour of punctuation and grammar editing. If he does the full hour every day without a fight I will buy the Lego Star Wars kit he's been coveting at the start of the last week of the holiday.

I have found a typing app to download which is daft £££s for an app, but has personalised typing programmes, for which each achievements is rewarded by a game that also reinforces keyboard skills. After moaning endlessly that I was going to make him work when he's on holiday, he had a look at it at the weekend and now can't wait to start.

For the grammar and editing I am going to extract some passages from his Nintendo magazine and plant some deliberate errors for him to find.

They haven't broken up yet, but we've done similar in previous summer holidays without too much of a fight.

Mine is 10 and has AS too mumslife.

I think it can be easier at secondary, as along as it's made clear from the off that they have to attend homework club to get it done.

I'm kind of hoping ds goes for lunchtime homework club, at least then he'll be safely out of the way of any playground shenanigans.

Thank you all for replying.

My DD is actually being assessed for ASD and it seems this is perfectly normal for these DC - I've always thought she was just being blooming awkward but she genuinely can't adapt and i've never thought the 2 could be connected.

I have recently found out the school does have a homework club - they have before school/lunchtime/after school sessions, so I will start this off by saying she will be attending, rather than "oh, DD would you like to go there"

Just thought, I will also have to tell her not to interfere when all her classmates don't attend to - knowing DD she will go getting involved in all kinds an is vulnerable/naive as it is

I agree with moose, I am hoping that being in the homework club will keep her out of the way of the NT girl nastiness that goes on at lunchtime. Also hopefully there might be some other girls or boys like her in there.

The secondary where she will go also has a safe haven for DC's with SN's. Maybe you could ask if there is somthing similar.

Dd3 still has 2 years at primary thank god but i am already stressing.

Must stop stressing, must stop stressing.

Mmm ds (15) had this problem too. I was really worried about it when starting secondary.
Hw club didn't help because 'school is until 3pm and after then it's home time!'... He wouldnt go. And tbh? I kinda agree with him.
We found that his attitude to homework became more tolerant with the use of social stories. The autism team here in Cheshire wrote out a few personal ones for him when he started secondary and I tweaked a few that I found on the Internet.
He now realises that Hw is just something he has to do . It took a few years of struggle though .., I would say the biggest improvement was when he took his options and got rid of the subjects he hated. Doing homework in a subject he had no interest in and could not see the point in was always gonna be tricky to push.
English is still a prob occasionally ... But we muddle through it. He takes a lot of shortcuts or does the bare minimum for that subject.
It's only recently that he has stayed behind at school for exam revision sessions until 4pm and that was because the teachers told him he had to and that school was essentially carrying on until 4pm. This seemed to work ( plus he likes the subjects)