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Feel sad for my DD :(

4 replies

norahjonesisnotmyname · 20/07/2012 17:12

DD has mild social skills difficulties (ASD) and I thought she had been doing well being a good friend and being part of a small group of friends - DD plus three other girls. DD has invited these three girls to her birthday over the past couple of years and has had invites back (apart from one who never has a party, they have a family get together instead). Occasionally we have arranged play dates or done days out (swimming, movies, lunch) and the girls have always accepted the invitations and seemed happy to be here. DD has had invites back but always as a group rather than just DD on her own. All four girls put down each other's names as the girls they'd like to be in tutor group with for secondary school, they've just finished up Year 6 today, DD is with one of the girls, the other two girls are together in another tutor group. So far so good.

At the end of Year 6 the children create a leaves book page for themselves, they are then all put together into a published leavers book. On the page they talk about the highlights of year 6, they list their best friends, best teachers etc. They take photos at school of their friendship group and include the photos on their leavers page, together with any other photos available from their year at school. DD listed the three girls as her BFFs and included a photo of the four of them together, all smiling and looking happy. None of the other girls included DD in their friends photo, only one of the girls mentioned her name as a friend. The other two girls completely omitted her name, it was so obvious like a deliberate exclusion. I feel so sad for DD :(

What can I do to help her get past this and make new and genuine friends at Secondary school, any tips?

OP posts:
babiki · 20/07/2012 18:01

Hi, my NT oldest son came home today with exactly the same issue, he was upset for hours- so it happens everywhere:( he is such a goody guy sticking to rules and sensitive that it makes him uncool , was bullied and I'm also worried if he finds better friends in high school. Your poor girl though, thinking she had friends... I find it helps if I tell him stories how kids were horrible to me when I was small ( have to lie as never had these problems) so will also welcome suggestions how to help him to find mates. Hope your dd is OK.

madhairday · 20/07/2012 19:55

:( That's so sad. I am feeling similar. DD has dyspraxia and only moved to this school for Yr 6 so has found it hard making friends. They all did autograph books and swapped photos of each other for leavers day, and hardly anyone signed/swapped with dd, and some made nasty comments about her being weird etc (body space awareness, social cues etc etc). I felt so sad for her.

All we can do is be there for them, love them, let them know they always have a safe place and love with us. I hate this peer rejection thing for so many SN dc. :( And schools don't always help as they should.

I hope your dd is OK...sorry no helpful words but much empathy.

Marne · 20/07/2012 20:30

Girls can be so nasty Sad, i dread this with dd1, at the moment her only friends are boys (i am hoping it stays thay way).

Maybe you could work on 'making new friends' with your dd over the holidays, prepare her and help her to be confident in aproaching new children and talking to them. You never know there maybe other children like her in her class and she may make lots of new friends. xx

norahjonesisnotmyname · 20/07/2012 20:59

She seems to be okay about it now, hoping the long holidays will be a distraction and we can get away from it all for a while. DD does take part in out of school clubs, one girl in particular seems to get along well with her and they have exchanged phone numbers. I think as they won't be seeing each other during the holidays (club doesn't run through the summer hols) I'll get DD to arrange an outing with this girl, movies or swimming maybe. This friend will also be going to the same secondary school so would be nice for them to keep in touch through the holidays.

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