DD(5) still not made any friends.....what do we do for 6 weeks?!

[summerholshell]

Morning!

Firstly, DD is actually really happy in her class and refers to all her class mates as 'friends', but they're not She doesn't understand the dynamics of a friendship really. She assumes that just because they're in her class, or school for that matter, that they're automatically her friend. Breaks my heart a little...

So she's asked several of her 'friends' if they'd like to come back to hers for a play, but she's always rebuffed and I think she's just given up. I have asked a couple of mums if they'd like to come round with their dc's and I get yes to start with, followed by an excuse why they can't make it and then it just seems to fizzle out. It takes a lot for me to be able to approach people that I don't really know, but obviously for DD, i'll give it at go at least, but alas, it hasn't worked.

I genuinely have no idea what I can do with her over the summer holidays. Apart from baking, going for walks, feeding the ducks etc, i'm clueless. We dont' really have any spare money right now either. Swimming would be a good treat, but she has severe asthma and everytime we've taken her, she's got a bug and ended up in hospital with an asthma attack and is put on steroids which turn her into a complete monster! I can't bear to put her on them cos it's like i've lost her for about 3 or 4 weeks!! That's how long they take to get out of her system.

I really did think that by now she'd have friends to invite back and vice versa. This would really help build up her social skills which are still quite lacking. So it's a catch 22 really. She can't make friends because of her poor social skills, but she can't build them up without socialising.

So as much as i'm looking forward to having her with me(and lie ins) i'm completely dreading lost days. Obvioulsy the weather's not helping either. Also, if she's not stimulated constantly like she would be at school then her behaviour deteriorates and so does her speech and concentration. I'm expecting violent tantrums This always happens in the holidays, so you can imagine why i'm dreading 6 weeks of it!!

Please, has anyone got any advice on how to keep her entertained, without costing lots of money.

Thanks for reading. I know i'm not the only one.....

DD can handle soft play areas, in fact she really likes them. However, I find her very difficult to control on my own. She's a 'runner'. She understands danger, but for some reason these kind of places just turn her into the tazmanian devil!! It's ok if it's me and dp, cos he's like a big child anyway really and he's much faster than me to get her out of a tricky spot. Also, I have a fear of slides I know that's bad for a 28 year old! DD definitely doesn't, but sometimes she'll bite off more than she can chew and will need rescuing from the top of one of those mammoth, almost verticle slides. I

DD has a sort of on and off friend, but she strings her a long a little. I think she likes to build up DD's hopes and will then drop her. I even heard that DD had promised to buy her a chocolate bar at school and when DD only had enough money for a bar for herself, this girl said she didn't want to be her friend anymore So i'm not really sure if it's a friendship I want to encourage. The mum's lovely though and she is one of few that I actually get on with.

Hi, I can imagine your frustration, it is difficult. I would try to look for a friend with sn child in your area via internet.. At the moment I feel much better going to clubs / activities for SN kids, and my 2 NT kids love it too. The 'normal' stuff is just not for us at the moment. I'm sure there is another nice mum out there whose child is lonely too! Good luck x

We don't really have anyone over during the holidays, both my dd's have ASD, dd2 is now 6 and has friends at school but no one invites her over to play, dd1 is 8 and has friends (all boys) but again doesn't get invites and is not bothered about people coming over. We wont see many people over the holidays unless we go to parks. I think they enjoy a break from the whole social thing TBH, luckily mine have each other and will amuse themselves but i'm sure i will be pulling my hair out after a couple weeks.

This is hard - ds is 14 and we still haven't cracked it. He's at a ss with a big catchment ares (they whole city and even beyond) so its hard for the kids to meet up out of school - and tbh parents rarely get to see each other anyway, so we can't pick up the phone and ask.

He goes to summer scheme (not much of a one this year) which gives him a chance to mix with other friends from school and I also book him on one or two activities with short breaks (from the Childrens disability team) - he doesn't have a SW or respite through them, we just use the holiday activities, which are usually free.

I know exactly what you're going through.
Me and my dd have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). She is now 8 and just finishing year 3, this is the first summer holidays that I'm not dreading. She now has proper friends who's house she can go round, she still doesn't understand the social rules so does get picked on by some other kids, she also has no concept of stranger danger, if someone smiles / talks to her she thinks they are her friend. Also if someone tells her to do something she always does it without even thinking about the consequences - obviously I can't therefore let her out by herself but it is getting better.

Is there a local children centre near you? They always have summer events which although they are aimed at under fives my dc's both still love them. Is there a local park that you can take her to where other children from her school will be?

I'm ashamed to say that I actually stopped taking her to our local park about a year ago because I just couldn't control her. I would come home and just crumble. All the stares, all the screaming from DD, all the hitting and biting as I have to 'force' her into the car.

The thing is, she's genuinely happy to see one of her classmates when we're out and some are genuinely fond of her, but not to the extent of wanting to be her friend. I think if anything they're are amused by her Not in a horrible way, but simply because she does come out with funny things which are usually random or painfully blunt and truthful

On the rare occasion I do see her play with someone almost appropriately, after about 10 mins(max) I can see the other dc's patience start to wear thin. She'll just keep going though, until they just walk away and looked puzzled.

I'm not sure whether or not to give this girl another go though. She's been to our house a couple of times, but that was ages ago and since then they've had a very much love hate relationship.

Is one not so good friend, better than none? By not so good, i mean one who could possibly be taking advantage. I don't like refering to children as 'not so good'

I found some groups via our local charities, so have a look, there should be something out there ;)

We are all sat at home feeling the same. DS only has one friend who wants him around to play and she is away all the time we are back from our holiday. We should arrange some meets up on here. We are in Herts.

Good idea, we are from Chelmsford.

I am in Dorset and happy to meet up

I'm in London and have a DD who is probably on the spectrum and happy to meet up :)

We're in Nottingham

We are all quite far apart perhaps we should start seperate threads to get people together in our areas. :)

Just wondered how everyones summer is going? I think DS is sick of the sight of me.