REALLY CROSS with school's reaction to DD's physical bullying!

[causeforanamechange]

Morning

Well, as some of you know lot's has happened with DD's school recently. We had a meeting a few weeks ago, which I actually felt quite positive about and felt like we could work sucessfully together...............until now.

So I picked up DD(5) last night from school and she initially came out her usual bouncy happy self. When we got home though, she stormed off upstairs(she never does this) and started screaming into her pillow. She kept telling me to go away, but didn't really want me to go anywhere because, seemingly from nowhere, had become absolutely devestated and inconsolable. After about 30 mins, she started to calm down and so I then asked her if anything had happened at school. Had she been told off? Had someone been mean to her? A boys named popped up, who has been mentioned a lot over the last couple of months. It's usually just things like he's been chasing her and she doesn't like it or he's shouting in her face and obviously, she doesn't like it. Yesterday however, apparently he was growling and spitting at her and then pushed her really hard against the wall, for which she has a really big graze on her arm.

So when I dropped off DD this morning, I asked to have a chat with one of her teachers. Her reaction was "well if she doesn't tell anyone, then we can't help her" WHAT THE F**K?!! She has problems with communication which they are more than aware of!! I carried on and kept repeating that I wasn't happy about it and I want the boy to be spoken to, but I felt like I was talking to a brick wall.

Sorry, this is more of a rant really.

I'm just so pissed off and feel utterly let down! I'm certainly not feeling confident about september now if this is the way they're handling things!!

I would advise you to go straight to the next level at the school with this. If your dd is being bullied and is unable to communicate it to her teachers, they need to come up with a way of making sure she is safe. It's not acceptable for them to blame her for not speaking up, especially if she has communication problems. Lots of children are bullied and don't speak up through fear, that doesn't absolve the school of their duty of care.

As you have spoken with the teacher and had an unsatisfactory response, I would ask for an urgent meeting with the head of year/head of key stage or HT, depending what the next level up from the teacher. Take along a letter detailing what happened and why you are unhappy with the school's response. Before the meeting, ask for a copy of the schools Anti-bullying Policy and if you can, refer to it in the letter, pointing out what should have happened when you reported the incident to your dd's teacher.

It's really important to get these things documented. I wish I'd started writing to the school about ds's bullying a lot sooner than I did, as in the end having it recorded in black and white was the only thing that got it sorted.

I'm seriously debating going into speak to the HT. I can't bear to think that the same could be happening right now, just because she wont tell anyone. For example, if a child/adult said to her something like "don't tell anyone" she probably wouldn't. So she's very much an easy target for bullies. I just can't get over that stupid comment!!!

Looking back, they're said some really stupid things over the last year. One time I was pulled to one side and one of her teachers(she has many) said "you need to tell her to listen and to do as she's told" No shit sherlock!!!! What a genius idea smart arse! They say that they're aware of her problems and her difficulites, but think that by saying to me she needs to be able to do XYZ, that that somehow magically fixes the problem!

Thanks moose. Think we cross posted, but as I say, I think i'm going to have to go and speak to the head and say that I wasn't happy and i'm really concerned with the reaction I got.

Oh and another thing she said today was "we really want DD to be able to be more indendent and tell us these things". What do they think I want for her?! Of couse I want her to be able to do all these things, but as me and school have 'agreed', she's not there yet. So if we're in agreement with that, then what the hell do they think this so called method, is going to achieve?! It isn't a method! It's avoiding the issue completely, which is a pretty bloody big one!

One of DS's formal SALT targets is to paraphrase it - "to say when he is too hot, cold, in pain, or upset, feeling sad etc". He has a comms disorder (ASD) so as well as the formal sessions, his TA, class teacher etc, etc are all expected to support him in his efforts to ask for help whenever, however it occurs.

Schools attitude stinks. A quote from the DDA, another from the sencop and a formal WRITTEN complaint to the Chair of Governors, HT, and possibly council SEN officer (or even CP section of SS)is in order methinks. Do put it in writing, so you have a paper trail to follow just in case the bullying escalates after the summer.

They have a duty of care to keep your child safe physically and are failing in that duty. A written complaint makes it harder for them to brush you off. You can suggest staff training if you feel it warranted.