Solicitors yesterday and confused by their advice

[claw4]

Went to see a solicitor yesterday to instruct them on appeal.

As im sure most of you already know, ds has been signed off of school by GP due to stress from school resulting in self harm.

Anyhow he has been off for 2 weeks and already his injuries have cleared up.

Now solicitors advice was for them to write to LA to get ds a school place at a different school. So that assessment ie EP etc could be conducted there.

I told them that school was the cause of his anxiety and self harming. But he was saying this is the best way forward ie EP assessing him at a school, rather than at home and being able to comment about whether school were meeting his needs etc.

What do you guys think?

Difficult call claw. I'm not even sure I could cope with knowing which way you jump. I never let Ds 'fall' to any extreme levels and my journey has definately been longer for it. Perhaps it is the difference between ripping off a plaster fast and painfully or slowly and carefully. Knowing your Ds will be in a better place sooner by putting him through it might be the better option for him!?

Really really tough decision and unfortunately yours alone to make. However, if you DO put him back in school, make sure it is recorded pref on video from the second you tell him.

I would also add to give you some idea of ds's level of understanding, SW asked him why do you scratch? he replied 'cos knats bite me'

He takes things extremely literally. When i have asked him 'do you scratch when you worry', he will tell me he doesnt scratch when he worries.

It then occurred to me i wasnt being specific enough. So i told him when i was younger and i worried i used to bite my nails and asked him 'what do you when you worry' he told me 'i dig my nails in my skin'. As far as he is concerned 'scratching' is totoally different to digging your nails in your skin.

Mygladhart, the frustrating bit is, i thought i had already demonstrated this twice before.

Star, when asked if he would like to go to back to his old school or a new school. His response is 'old school, but if everyone is still horrible to me, then a new school' followed quickly by 'but i dont ever want to go back to school'

His sores have completed cleared up now, this is the first time in 2 and half years that he has been injury free. He is not using any visual timetables, he is being flexiable. He is happy. He has even changed bedrooms with his brother. He is coping with change. Today we did hand painting, he got messy for the first time in his life, there was paint all over the table, on his clothes and he tolerated it. He even rollered his face!

In the grander scheme of things, whats a few more months in comparsion my logical head is telling me. But my mum head is telling I like having my ds back and i dont want to let go of this

claw - what fantastic progress! are yuo getting all this on film?

would you be able to film him doing some of these activities, while having a 'casual' chat about why he woudln't do them before?

you really need to record all the achievements - both big and small, and list them out - and have the list ready - why coudl school not achieve X, since ds will do it at home? why could school not manage Y, when ds can cope well at home? why could school not find out how to do Z, when ds has been so willing to try it out at home? and so on. this is all good ammunition.

and it is lovely to hear that your ds is all healed up, and no new injuries - what a nice break that must be for you too.

I can completely see why you would not want to let go of this. I just can't see how you will convince the LA without it (but part of that is probably because it was the only way I could see through it all for us, iyswim?). it worked for us, but it was such a huge gamble (and we had the let-out of being able to fund a different school, at least for a while, if it became necessary. which it did).

Silver, he is even eating cheese and fish fingers!

in school they dont do any of those things with him anyhow, he doesnt even have any visuals to help him cope with change for example, thats the problem. They say he doesnt need it. School are saying they are achieving everything and that he is making massive progress thats the other problem (they are not providing evidence of this however or following any of the recommendations made)

In school ds will do whatever is asked of him, but at a cost of getting anxious and self harming. Ds directs everything inwards. Ds is an 'angel' in school and an 'angel' at home too. He is extremely well behaved and overly kind and generous.

OMG! new foods too?! blimey, claw, you are on fire!

that is defintiely one thing you could document - the whole new foods thing failed badly with the school, didn't it? and didn't he end up not even eating his 'safe' lunch? well, after a short time, you not only have him eating comfortably, but also adding in new foods.

I totally understand the turning inwards, internalising stress and complying to their own detriment stuff. dd1 did this too, and it was only through minute observation, and pointing out her stress signals, that we were able to show that she was hating every second of it, yet doing the same things comfortably at home - so therefore the difference (and problem...) was that the setting was not right for her.

School will claim it was a great success, they got him to eat cake, chips and bread (3 of the things he has always eaten!) and say they my asking for him to be removed from lunch club at ds's request stopped progress. Although the next minute they are claiming that ds requesting to be removed from lunch club was a sign of his social progress!

From my point of view it went badly wrong, because they did not follow the OT's advice of doing it gradually ie ds to look at the menu for 3 weeks and choose one savoury food item he was prepared to try once a week. If he didnt want to eat, he would first touch, then smell, then lick etc, etc and be given his packed lunch.

First day they took him up to counter and let him choose cake. He then choose cake, bread or chips for the next 3 weeks. Ds also came home in tears saying he was forced to lick mash potato, although school denied this.

School cannot follow OT eating plan, unless ds attends lunch club. Ds doesnt want to attend lunch club as he was punched in the face by another child. He has to sit on the 'special' table away from all his class mates and then go to the nursery to play and he was teased about being a 'baby' for sitting on the special table and playing in the nursery. School have also used 'lunch club' as a threat ie if you dont eat you will have to go back into lunch club.

So he hasnt been able to eat in school since April 2011

We have reached stale mate, ds doesnt want to attend lunch club, so therefore hasnt been able to eat since April 2011, school are saying the help is there ie lunch club, but im refusing it!

In fairness to school the punch in the face was a one off, it made his nose bleed, he has a big fear of blood and he has never forgotten it (he wasnt in lunch club that long) but i think ds is quite scared of the other children in lunch club, they all have quite severe behavioural/communication problems and are quite unpredictable (no fault of their own). Obviously this is why they are in lunch club, as they too need help. But one of ds's biggest fears is unpredictable and being in lunch club was causing him more distress, than not being in lunch club. So he struggles in or out of lunch club.

The licking of mash potato, never happened according to school. They have not addressed any of the issues with lunch club, other than saying it has a high ratio of adults to children 2-1 to deal with situations that arise. The teasing they do not take seriously other than 'we will keep an eye on it' and 'ds must report it as and when it happens' which ds will not do.

Mygladhart, exactly! all ds needs is literally 15 minutes of 1:1 at lunchtime to enable him to eat. An adult to help him a pick a food, they do not even have to sit with him, it could be a lunch time supervisor, all he needs is prompting.

They are adamant that its their one size fits all lunch club or nothing.

Anyhow he is no longer there, so any further negotiations are pointless. They are never going to agree with anything i suggest.

I have now have to look for another school.

Yes, but there's even more pressure on getting the school right, although perhaps it woukd be helped by a statement that at least implied real need.

You'll get there claw.....

What would happen if you (in presence of ed psych) said 'we need to go to evil old-school' and got him ready for a visit? Would he melt down and start panicking, scratching etc?

If ed psych could see that the lively happy relaxed boy he first assessed becomes a stimming, self-harming wreck when you trigger the school phobia, it would help. Re-enrolling seems excessive, I'd guess it would be visible even putting on old-school uniform, or getting in car to do some old-school related errand, like drop something at reception