Do you have trouble telling what is SN stuff and what is normal Xyr old child stuff??

[thisisyesterday]

because I do!

I think I expect too much from DS1 who is 7. The problem is he is the only 7 year old I've ever had, so I have no idea what is just normal 7yr old boy behaviour and what is autistic behaviour.

I've also posted before about DS3 who I suspect is on the spectrum too- he has taken to wee-ing in his bed each morning. He doesn't do it if I put a pull-up on him because he won't get them wet. But if he wears no nappy he does it. He's been dry at nights for nearly a year now and we've had to go back into nappies. And today he did a poo in the garden. deliberately. and then came in and told us. Normal 3yr old behaviour? or something of concern?

Constantly.

Is she being a stroppy hormonal teenager or is she feeling autistic and over sensitive? Hard to tell. I tend to handle both badly.

i think i do too :-S

paed says "it doesn't matter, you need to react the same either way" but i don't actually agree

if DS1 is kicka me out of temper and is in control of his actions then that surely deserves a different response to if he does it becasue he's having a meltdown and just can't help himself?

or am I looking at it in the wrong waY? i don't know

I spend a lot of time on mumsnet trying to work out what is ds' sen and what is 'normal'. Lots of the things ds does and I obsess over are probably typical 6 yr old boy things

It's impossible to tell sometimes, I agree.

I do think the poo/wee is fairly 'normal' 3 year old stuff, but for a kid on the spectrum you never know if it's part of that

I do sometimes think my expectations of dd2 are too low though, and that I let her away with things because of the asd, when actually what's perhaps best for her is to be just as firm as if she were nt. For example, she's 7 but I'm still wiping her bum! Not only is it annoying for me (and potentially embarrassing when she has nt friends around!), it also means she is holding on all day at school. Can't be good for her :(
I gave resolved to have her more independent in the bathroom come September, for both our sakes..

Have, not gave.

ahh yes we've only just got DS1 wiping his own bottom. It did involve helping him the first few times and explicit instructions on what to do (ie, if you get poo on your hand wipe it on some paper not on the side of the bath, keep wiping until you're completely clean, wash hands afterwards)

he now just asks for a "check" when he has finished.

my ds is 3 and im struggling to tell what is normal and what isn't. nursery have no concerns, and i've read through his file today and he is doing ok now.

then i think about his little quirks, things i just dont see the other children doing his age or ds not mastering skills what other children are doing his age and i just feel knotted up inside.

Oh dear, DS2 is 6 and NT and I still wipe his bum . With DS3 (3, ASD), a lot of his behaviour is like typical terrible 2 behaviour, but he is deliberately really cheeky in his refusal to do things (he refuses to do most things actually - laughs and runs off) and I never know whether I should reprimand him because he is being cheeky or whether he is actually scared of doing something.

thisisyesterday, doing a poo in the garden then running in to tell you is the sort of thing my other 2 DS's (both NT) would have done to "test my reaction". DS1 once deliberately wee'd in the bottom drawer of his chest of drawers for effect when he was about that age.

haha Zen, ds3 is also very cheeky! I was quite cross when I saw that he really had done a poo in the garden and he just laughed at me! I said to him "ds3, we do NOT poo in the garden" and he just stood there and said "yes me do"

tiredness, i do get that a bit with ds1. some things are certainly clearer than they used to be, and liek your DS he's very bright and doing well academically- he is also very articulate, so comes across as older than he is which in some ways I think doesn't help at all because we expect more of him as he appears so much more mature than he actually is

it's a minefield isn't it, this parenting lark?

I'm awful for thinking things are normal when they're not. I seem to normalise everything.

The most recent thing is dd1s (8) clumsiness and seeming inability to put on socks, successfully bum wipe (yep, i do have to help out quite a lot) do buttons and shoelaces, eat without mess, write neatly, remember spellings, read out loud...

Diagnosed dyslexic and dyspraxic last week. Sometimes I need a bang on the head.