Have failed today. Agreed to finalise

[starfish71]

Had meeting with LEA Named Officer today to discuss what I considered to be a crap statement. I got nowhere.

Well not exactly true, got him to take out a couple of useless bits and reference to mainstream integration but that was it.

DS is not in a position to access a mainstream ASD unit at present, the small PRU is only provision available (nothing independent in area at all). His anxiety is very high still and this I accept, can't go fighting for an ASD unit if I know in my heart that DS is not able to access it.

I HOPE he will get less anxious and be able to attend one in the near future but for now it is a PRU.

Feel I have let everyone down and haven't been able to secure a fantastic or even a good enough statement.

If I can ask one thing, I was told that if the Advices don't specify provision (eg social communication teaching, 20 mins sessions every week) then it can't be specified in part 3?

Bet you all think I am a light weight at this. And I am.

dont be hard on yourself - im still fighting and had 2 meetings last week and know how draining it is - we all want to fight but sometimes its just so hard to do xxxxxx

Starfish you haven't failed and you are definitely not a lightweight. You've fought all the way, a lot further than many many parents ever go and been up against those that neither care or understand what you are doing or why.

As for your question, I'm currently being told the same by my LEA . They're saying that they will only specify/quantify if the reports/appendices do, knowing full well that most of the Statement is based on their own EP's report, that report carefully sidesteps all specification and quantification and that their EP won't go against them and clarify even if asked directly.

It isn't the end of the road, if you want to, you can still push for specification and quantification and continue to try and tighten up the language etc. You can appeal as soon as they issue the Finalised. That will give you more time to go through the reports/advices with a fine tooth comb and indentify where they imply specification and push for clarification. If they won't give it to you, you can either pay for your own professional reports or argue the point at tribunal - bearing in mind that an unspecified statement directly contravenes the SENCOP, unless they can prove that any inbuilt flexibility is for the benefit of the child, rather than the LEA or school.

Don't be so hard on yourself, this is a horrible, hard road to tread. Give yourself some time and space to regroup. You don't need to do anything right away, wait until they finalise (they will probably drag their feet on that anyway) use the time to recover and you can decide when the Finalised arrives whether or not you want to continue the fight.

((hugs))

It really choked me to send the email after meeting admitting defeat and I wish I could really sob but bloody anti depressants stopping me.

Thank you, feel very alone right now.

It's not defeat, it's recognising you to hurry up and get to tribunal to win.

The whole lose the battle but gain the war thing.

Don't be daft Starfish! It's a fecking horrible game and even attempting to play it is beyond many.

And there is no such thing as 'giving up'. Sometimes you have to look at your options and choose something less than ideal as one of the steps towards the goal. It's a positive. Many of us here have had to 'give up'.

Here are some of my 'giving ups'

Failure to remove Ds from bad placement
Removal of Ds from bad placement instead of battling them
Not appealing against lost tribunal even though had case
Not complaining within time frames against SS
Bailing out of evil County instead of continuing fight with them, even though they had been barred from 2nd tribunal.

It's a journey that requires constant evaluation of the path towards goal, cost-benefit and the knowledge that there is no such thing as winning as tomorrow will bring new problems and ignorance.

Do what you can but don't sacrifice your soul in the process.

You are absolutely not alone starfish - you have us and we're all behind you, but please don't feel that that means you have to keep on fighting or that you have failed if you don't. Our support is here no matter what you decide and you have to do what is right for you and your family. Fighting isn't always the answer, nor is it right for everyone..

Give yourself some time, space, chocolate and/or anything else you feel you need to recover. There's no rush, give yourself a break, we all have to sometimes y'know.

I think we find it hard to let go though even for a little while, we are so used to the fight that we have our fists permanently up and ready for the off, but sometimes we have to lower them and allow ourselves some space to breathe.

Starfish What others have said - have a break over the summer and decide what's best for you and ds. You've done loads for your ds already - don't look at this as a failure. It may be that after he's been at the PRU for a bit he will get less anxious. I know that environment isn't best for everyone but my ds appreciated the small group situation and learnt little things that helped so just give it a bit of time eh? I am getting sick of fighting for everything and I may be where you are soon too but at least we'll be able to say we tried our best.
Chin up,tits out and be proud!

Thank you guys, can't cry but having a sniffle as feel understood here. xx

It helps a lot, and desperately that made me smile! xxx

You can't magic up suitable provision that doesn't exist locally, and right now the small PRU seems to be the best fit for your DS' needs, I can't see what more you could have done. Hope that next term goes well for him.

oh starfish Hugs and a or 3 to you x

There is no way on this earth you have failed. You have fought bloody hard to get what your DS needs and who knows in the future his placement may well ring some more bells and report that he needs exactly what you are asking for.

No one knows whats around the corner and sometimes it is a necessity to "give up" re group and get health and family life on track x Remember one thing of ALL the things you would like for your DS I would guarantee the top of his needs list would be you :)

There are some PRUs which are asd schools in all but name.

Half a dozen other parents could end up going to tribunal locally, and hey presto, small asd unit gets invented and attached to the PRU.

You've conceded an unwinnable battle, and you're making the most of what's currently available whilst you regroup, assess and prioritise.

Thank you all so much for your support. Haven't had a reply to my email yet but bet they are happy in the office that I waved the white flag.

The support from other mums that really know how I am feeling is priceless xx

You a lightweight - good gracious no, no and thrice no again.

(((((((((((((((((starfish)))))))))))))))))

Recover and regroup are the names of the game here. You may have lost one battle but you have not lost the war.

Courage!!!!.