dont know how long i can go on like this

[jinjay]

can anyone offer me any advise? my 6 yr old DS has been under peads since he was 3yrs old, all the professionals agree there is definitely something going on, probably adhd with autism mixed in, but they are telling me 1 thing to my face and then putting something completely different on the paperwork, none of the professionals seem to be able to agree on anything

he has seen an ed psych, and an ot but it seems to have got him nowhere, the ot couldnt even finish the assessment due to his unruly behaviour and i havent heard from her since as she went on maternity leave.

the school he is in are doing absolutely nothing to help and for the last 3-4 months have been sending him home when they cant control him, and with a 2 yr old in toe i have to collect him for lunch, take him bk after then wait by my phone for the inevitable phone call telling me they cant control him and to go get him, thats if he even makes it until lunch time,

i recently went down to the local childrens services to request he is assessed for a statement, where even they were disgusted that they are depriving him of his education, and they also informed me that because he has SEN i should of been having regular meetings with SENCO for the last 2 school years and yet i couldnt even tell you what she looks like!!

i cant see him getting the statement done because its not my luck that something will run in our favour, we as a family need somebody to stand up and take note of what this is doing to all of us and i just dont know where to turn next, i am now on anti depressants myself as i just cant cope with it all i feel like packing a bag and running away, there must b someone out there i can turn to?

Start refusing to pick him up.amazing how it will focus their minds. Check if they are recording his absences as exclusions -they should be.

Do NOT retrieve him early from school unless they officially exclude him, so you have a paper trail. Absolutely essential that they follow the rules on this.

I would request a copy of his records to see if they are recording the exclusions. Keep track of everything - put everything in writing. Send school a letter requesting a meeting with the SENCO to discuss an IEP, noting that you have not seen one to date.

If you have not already done so, look into applying for a statement yourself.

Unfortunately, you will only get the support and services your child needs by being vocal, persistent and determined and trying to sound calm and reasonable.

Keep calling the EP and OT until they see your child. Follow up your request for SA, arrange a meeting at school and look at other schools who may be able to meet his needs.

You will get lots of really good support and help here but only you can take the role of advocate for your son.

i have refused to pick him up because my dd was at nursery and i couldnt physically be in 2 places at once, they told me that i would have to keep him off and they were going to record it as special circumstances, all the absences he has had have been marked as special circumstances, i have been and "formally requested" a statement but they told me not to hold out much hope as it was all changing and i would likely be turned down on the basis that his school havent done the right steps towards the process, the school seem to be the biggest problem but it has got to the point where 3 full grown adults have had to pin and restrain him until i can get there, i am constantly being told they dont have the man power to deal with him and have even had the head teacher telling me how "bloody ridiculous" it all is

i went out and found a couple of charities that help but in my area all the funding has just been cut for the services we would need, parent partnership and shine included

If you aren't the kind of personality who is up for a fight, this can seem really daunting - but it definitely helps to remember the reason you are doing this - whether it be as vjg says - you are his only advocate - or you aren't doing this for your own benefit it is for your ds whose future DEPENDS on it - or
you have a LEGAL DUTY to ensure your son gets an adequate education - whatever gives you the strength to keep on

dont get me wrong i am up for a fight but im stuck on who i need to fight next, i have been fighting the docs for the last 3 years just to get to a possible adhd and autism conclusion, i seem to be fighting and fighting just to get nowhere.

my kids are my world and i just want him to get the help he needs and deserves.

I think advice above of writing to SENCO is definitely best place to start - if you have never spoken to her before, I would start all nicey nicey...in fairness, I don't think any sen parents who I talk to in my son's school have ever had a meeting with the SENCO 'automatically' - you have to leave a message with the office (sometimes more than once!). I'm amazed though that she or he didn't bother to contact you if you had requested a statement...unless LEA just replied to your request with out even telling the school you had asked.

What happened when you went to the children's service? Did they give you forms to fill so that they can decide whether to formally assess your son for a statement? If not then write to the LEA -using one of ISPEA's standard letters to formally request it .
Have you been to the GP and asked him to refer you for an ASD asssessment - some areas this is via CAMHS and others via other routes but your GP will know.
I wasn't clear from your first post whether this had happened or not.
I second the advice about refusing to collect from school unless he is excluded. (again call IPESA for advice)
Also I think that you should try to meet the SENCO. If they cannot keep your son in school then he clearly needs more help than they are giving him and so a statement seems the likely route from what you have said.
It is a slow process though. Don't give up!

You just need to do 2 things, and school do not need to be involved at all.

1. Ring or google on the locl council website to find out who in your local borough council is head of SEN.

1. Then address a letter to that person by nme and title saying:

I am writing to request an assessment of my son for special educational needs, under the terms of the 1996 Education Act.

My son has been assessed as having ASD and ADHD (I enclose some relevant paperwork from the professionals who have seen him). His current placement - unsupported in mainstream schooling is spiralling out of control: this week alone I have been called into school to take him home ( 5 ) times, meaning he has spent a grand total of (5 )hours actually in school! He is very clearly not receiving an education that is suitable for his special educational needs, as is his right under law and the SEN Code of Practice

I understand that my writing of this letter to you will now trigger a tightly-timed assessment process.

Thank you for your help, in advance.

Also, after 6 you can ask the paediatrician about Ritalin. It has been a lifesaver for some friends who have kids with autism/ADHD.

If you have no paperwork mentioning he autism or ADHD, just take that sentence in my draft letter above out.

thank you everybody you have helped greatly, i have been in touch with the school this afternoon, i have requested his attendance record so that i have proof of him being off school so much, i have also been on to his pead and got an appointment in 2 wks time (instead of nov when they wanted to see him) i have also told them that i want to have something in place with senco for when he starts back in sept as he only has 4 days left now before they split up.

to request the statement i went straight to the child services office in my local town as i didnt know where else to go, its not open to the public but managed to come across a sympathetic social worker that sat me down and i wrote the letter formally asking for the statement with her help, the school when i went in the next day told me 'its about time' as if i should of done it months ago.

i do have paperwork stating about the adhd and autism but then i also have paperwork from 1 doc stating that it was my fault, i wasnt telling him off properly and he was going to send me to behaviour modification classes!!
camhs have also told me that he isnt their problem as he is still in the process of being diagnosed and come back later,

i went to child services as a last resort as i just didnt know what else to do and its only because i happened upon a nice social worker that i found out i had the right to request the statement.

hopefully we are on the right track now though, from everything you guys have said i seem to be atleast pointing in the right direction finally, thank you again

That sounds really positive. It will get easier for you both as long as you keep pushing things along like this. Have you thought about putting in a claim for DLA?

i have thought about it but as i keep getting told different things by different people i thought i would wait until i had a diffinative diagnosis before i put in for it, i see it as another fight to be fought another day situation, as im really not convinced my luck will let it be an easy task

Hi Jinjay, it's beena while since you posted you're concerns ,however imam fairly new here and have been reading some older posts. I understand how you feel as much of the time we are onthe same boat . The difference is , we have a diagnosis for ours son. The disruptive , difficult behaviour , the Bering sent home constantly ring some bells. Have you looked at PDA in relation to you're sons behaviour. The PDA contact group is hugely helpful. If he has PDA the methods ( restraining / traditional discipline) will be at best unhelpful, PDA methods do make a difference , but you will need to get school on board.
Good luck, hope things improve :)