How would you 'do' church to make it easier for ASD/SPD?

[mrsbaffled]

I have just read an interesting blog on Facebook about SPD and church. I was just wondering how should things be to make it easier for ASD/SPD (particularly children) to attend??

If you could design the ideal venue/service what would it look like??

What works/doesn't work at your church?

I'll be watching this with interest. Honestly, would love to be able to actually go to church at some point, but simply can't.

Triggles - what stops you?

I know a local church which does a lot to help. One thing they have is as well as some trained volunteers, is a multi-sensory room for the person with ASD to go to if things become too much.

Another really good thing is for parents to have access to the building outside of service times, to help the children get used to it.

But the key thing is understanding people. I went to a wedding, where the two nephews of the groom have ASD, and it was fine, they were not "well behaved" in the traditional sense. But as most people knew their problems they just accepted them, and their running around etc. I whispered to my own children to explain why those children got away with behaviour my children wouldn't, they know several ASD kids and were quite accepting.

My church are currently all doing autism awareness training and are open to ideas to make the service more asd friendly. DS is 4 and we have now realised that sitting at the front of the church works well for us as he is more settled. We sit close to the door into the sunday school area / kitchen and if he has had enough then he can go in there. Sometimes the drums upset him and he needs to be picked up and covers his ears (going to get some ear defenders)

Everyone in church is aware of ds asd and are keen to make life easier for us. We know that if something became a problem the leadership team would make every effort to adapt. One family respite foster a boy with ASD - he had a problem one day with the music and screamed the place down - the music was stopped and he was given time to calm down before the service continued, he then started using ear defenders and was fine.

I don't expect ds to be silent and neither does anyone else - I try to ensure he doesn't disrupt the service for everyone else but we are not"tutted" at if he is a bit lively! He has been known to shout "wake up" during prayers.

I think it is important to have a structure to the service so people know what is coming and what to expect. A chill out / quiet area would be good so there is somewhere to go if it gets too much. Discussion on things like loud music / lighting if they cause a problem.

The best thing is to have an open and welcoming congregation willing to embrace difference.

Can you likk to the blog?

we go to churches where there are actually other of asd kids as well as our own. The things that make it easy are a sense of humour from everyone!!!!
Musical instruments and things that they can play are good but my ds struggles with the noise so we use headphones. Willingness from others to provide extra help for kids groups to enable Ds to go to them.

mostly the things that have made it possible have been attitudes of others and also small churches that are willing to be accommodating.

I like the idea of being able to visit at other times to get used to the building.
mummytime does this church do additional groups apart from the normal sunday service as well? eg a quieter service sometimes (a bit like the idea of autism-friendly cinema showings)

www.spdbloggernetwork.com/2012/07/12/amen/
There is a bit of a discussion on the FB page too - not sure I am allowed to link to it on here???

Dd2 goes to church with her school (once a week) it has taken almost a year to get her to stay for the whole service, we started by just walking her there and back, gradualy taking her inside and increasing the time, she still finds it really uncomfortable. With dd2 its the sound (its very big and echoey), she will now sit through a service but will hold her ears and hide her face but we are getting there.

Similar to mummytime - we now go to a church which is very different from my C of E upbringing, purely because they can cope with DS.
Actually it can be quite hard to sit through some of the NUTS they come out with* - but then I think how kind they have been to DS...

eg.* at Easter "the stone was SOO Big no one could physically move it - that stone could NOT have been moved from in front of the grave by human hands - a hundred roman centurion could not have moved that stone"....erm, how did Jesus body get in to the grave then ??

Sorry to hijack, but that same sunday the Pastor then started "have you got a stone around YOUR heart ??? etc etc - (desired response "Oh yes I am an inveterate drunk..or some such. I'd had a hell of a week and was so tempted to say "yeah, he's 10 years old, and called DS.."

We are a small church and everyone is very welcoming. We have a wide variety of people with all abilites and ages. DH is an elder, and I have been asked to consider taking on the role of Children's coordinator. I am in a position to make a big difference....DNiece has AS and DS1 has dyslexia and Sensory Issues, so being inclusive is close to my heart.

I also have a freind who said she can't get to church as her AS child can't cope. I would love to be able to change that for her....

That's really nice Marne.

I think DS copes as he's been every week since he was born. He used to scream and scream, and i was super-paranoid(!) but they put up with it, bless them x He's got used to it all now. The predictableness of it all really helps. His confidence is really growing and he even led part of the service (reading) a month or so ago.

I think I would agree with other posters, our church has (over time) come to understand that ds sees the world differently, his ear defenders and random conversations don't phase anyone and he has a special combination of stuff for kids church, (creche age activitiy and craft with a one to one and in with peers for as much as he manage). I think its been a learning process for all concerned. He is just part of the church family like we are...(we are a very mixed church, for age, ethnicity and culture.)

I found some great organisations / info if anyone wants to pm me for info...

I agree that a lot of it is about the attitude of the congregation and the clergy - if you know that you are welcome and that people don't mind a bit of noise from children then it's fine (went to a wedding recently where a v.young baby started gurgling and chattering while the choir were singing and later on was talking to a childless person who moaned how it had spoilt the service! Luckily the groom disagreed - and said how lovely it was that his youngest nephew had joined in the singing!!)
What worked well at our church was having the children at the front for the first part of the service, a child friendly song before they went off to Sunday school. We did a little activity and had juice/biscuits before coming back in for communion. The children felt involved as the vicar always asked what they'd been doing and admired their arts n crafts, and the rest of the congregation enjoyed most of the service in peace so everyone was happy. The children weren't expected to spend very long sitting down and being quiet, and in fact they were allowed to sit at the back of church where there were books and crayons etc if they were uncomfortable in the pews.

It's interesting that we seem to do a lot of the suggestions made here anyway - that's reassuring :)

The Church I was mentioning does have a parents support group as well. I don't go there although lots of people I know do. The church I used to go to often has a group of SN adults in services, and my kids always came out of Crèche with their hands over their ears, it also has ASD members of congregation. The Cathedral I often go to also has SN children attending, whilst less tolerant of noise, no one is bothered by kids/people entering leaving as they wish. In someways it is less "over stimulating" and could actually be preferable as it is very predictable what is going to happen next (they have even cut down on incense recently).

For us, it's mainly a combination of DH is working, DS3 is 2yo (and rapidly turning into a threenager), and DS2 cannot cope with loud echoey rooms, lots of people sitting nearby, loud music, people singing as a group, sitting still.... and the list goes on... so it's not going to be happening any time soon.

Is there anything midweek you could go to instead? Toddlers for DS3? Homegroup for you?? Or a smaller/different style church locally?

Nope. I've checked. Nothing that remotely fits into schedules. It's just going to have to be delayed for awhile. That's life, unfortunately.

as a single parent. sunday morning is the only option. he will not stay with anyone other than me, therefore, I need somewhere where people can put up with a bit of noise and disruption. I need somewhere that will find a seat for us at the back. I need somewhere that do not mind a it of noise in communion, otherwise I will never get communion. I need somewhere where they do not mind about him playing with doors.

DS is 7 and has just been diagnosed as having an ASD. We are Catholic and DS has been going to church since he was 6 days old. He has grown up at church as it were and the congregation have always accepted him.

He doesn't like some noises but is used to church and the music as he has always attended. For a while he wouldn't tolerate me or DH singing and he has yelled 'Be QUIET' when the hymn was an unfamiliar one being murdered by the congregation!
We take a 'Church bag' filled with familiar books, paper, pencils etc and he has several fidgets in the bag too.
We always sit in the same place and I have noticed that our place is 'guarded' by the people we know well in the congregation - they sort of send out blocking signals to others trying to sit there. The church has a quiet area at the back where you can hear the service but you can't be heard so we did used to end up in there.

The only time I felt unwelcome was when we had a new priest - the one who married DH and I and baptised both my children was moved and we got a new priest. He didn't know DS or DD and he would often look in our direction if there was a noise. He once stopped preaching when DD was crying and didn't start again until I was outside (note - I was already on my way out long before he stopped but church is large and we sit away from the door). It was really pointed and obvious and angered a lot of the congregation! He's gone now and we have a more understanding priest.
I'm not sure I've helped much!