Behaviour management for schools input appreciated please as I have a meeting coming up :)

[coff33pot]

DS is complex AS/ADHD/Tourettes/SPD

He is currently visiting Juniors for his transition an hour couple times a week.

This school is good, is on board and is prepared to learn and work with all an sundry we are starting as we mean to go on :)

They are arranging a meeting with myself and an ASD Team Advisor who is great btw. The school want to talk about strategies when times are difficult and DS has a "I am saying no to everything day" iyswim :)

They want to work with me and put into place things I do at home because obviously I get this at home from time to time too. However its easier for me as for one thing he has his bedroom and for another if its too much I can merely shut the front room door and give him time out on his own to think, mull over or chill out. School dont have this so I have to come up with some realistic stratagies to help them help him so to speak.

So far I have worked out over time that not only consequences but rewards also need to be iminent rather than collecting stickers to get to a goal its too long and also if he is sensory overloaded he will just point blank say he would rather not earn a sticker iyswim.

Ideas from teachers, parents, advisors would be welcome :)

The did say with another AS child he spent all DAY in one room refusing to eat, wee or talk. After a few days (this was done with parents permission) but hunger would make DS erupt to be honest and this lad is not so complex)

These may be a fresh approach worth thinking about.

Thank you very much for the link :) Started to read it but need to pop out on a job so will give it a good look through in a while.

Can he have a chill out area, with some quiet fiddle toys, books, music on headphones etc if everything gets too much? Or time to burn off some energy in the playground with a TA and a ball or something? Instant rewards and sanctions sound good, especially sanctions. He may be able to build up to sticker charts if the sticker itself is a small reward. Could he have a signal or card to let the teacher/TA know if he's getting stressed, or would he over use that?

Hi I am back now :) Well the school have let him choose his calm space and pick stickers to decorate it although I did say to minimise the sticker busines because loud walls play havoc with his sensory needs and the plainer the corner the better.

They were wondering what to do or what to have in place if he refused to leave the classroom and go into his calm space? I can see their point as they obviously want to enforce good behaviour but it has to be done correctly. I did say that if he refused at home then that would mean the oposite overload to me and he wants excercise instead as he either regulates himself one way or another depending on what the overload is iyswim?

See at home I would try three things, distraction, calm quiet, then excercise if the first two didnt work. If neither work then I know he is just being awkward

I also leave him where he falls so to speak so wherever he chose to calm down would be fine as long as he was doing just that. But obviously that is not possible in school really.

They have said they will not take away any of his excercise or playtime as they see that non productive where DS is concerned and would hamper the whole day (they got it! ) But they are wondering what to put into place if he wont comply with anything I think. I give them their due they are trying to put in place something we all agree with for Sept.

full marks to the school for trying to get things set up in advance and getting you on board! I'ld add for school to be aware of early warning signs of overwhelm, to try and nip overload in the bud as far as possible.

Yes I did say it will be trial and error the first few weeks as for a start he will be there whole days and tired and the Teacher and TA need to observe him themselves really to work out triggers to avoid. I was honest in saying that if DS is at the "no to anything mood" and running off then its all gone to far and too late really to expect him to automatically come out of it and so adding a consequence or threat of at that time would have no effect due to him not listening by then. Better to let him settle himself and THEN when he is calmer point out that there has to be a consequence.

I have absolutely no qualms in them having a side room somewhere that they can take him to and with his TA and the TA locked the door behind them if necessary to keep him in one spot, as long as she was in there with him. He wouldnt attack anyone. If they just stay and do the silent treatment, boring nothing to do sort of situation he would either be grateful because someone has confirmed a place to calm it down to save him searching or realise its boring and then the carrot can be dangled of the "its a shame that we havent finished this yet because it is nearly time to go outside oh well" sort of thing.

And I mean using a room with perhaps a couple bean bags in and nothing else and only if he has chosen not to use his calming space and of course it is causing disruption to others in his class.

Can you come up with a list of sample non-demanding phrases they could use to get him on task and avoid pressure? Also I've heard of having a special box that a task could be put in and the box just left on the pupil's desk for them to discover.

Silk I sent that link to ds's school recently to try to help them with strategies (awaiting dx for ASD/PDA). Non-demanding phrases are sometimes all it takes. For example when I asked ds to empty the dishwasher recently I got a mouthful of 'Oh my god, I'm not doing that etc. etc. I then said that it would have been really helpful to me if he could have done that and walked out of the room. 2 seconds later I heard the dishwasher open .
Coff good to see that school are being really supportive already.

That is a good idea silk :)

Special box sounds good. DS likes "jobs" or feeling helpful so the TA could well say "whats in OUR jobs box DS" as if they have to do it together I might suggest that.

I find it best in a meltdown if I just stop talking, just a bit of 'Poor old DS'), it's so unhelpful when well-meaning people try and talk him round as he just bites their head off and I then feel guilty. My DS has started throwing us a bone sometimes which is great, like suddenly asking for something he can see or singing part of a song for me to join in, so we can all pretend that was all he wanted all along. Then he's just tired and sad instead of homicidal.

Oh yessss after he has been given his choices I do the "no room for discussion" and put my hand up in a stop sign and stop talking even though DS goes on and on and onnnnn. Then theres that quiet little "thinking pause" from the other room (where I breathe a quiet sigh of relief) Eventually I will get a "oh right then!" and a stomp and he does what is asked.

I do get the excuses that his toe is hurting, the dog stood on his foot, or he is "stuck" (example wedges foot under the cushion )

Some days he is really pleased with himself that he has completed a task and got a reward and some days he is more upset and irritable that he did what was asked without questioning it or opposing doing it . Its a confusing roundabout.

It's good to hear he has strategies and you have a system of sorts for getting along. My LO's not yet 4 and I just can't visualise what he's going to be like in future, you have given me some reassurance, thanks.