My parents felt full force of autism last night :(

[lisad123]

My parents babysat while I went to London with dh for a charity event. They collected them from my friends at 5pm and took them to McDonald's.
Then home. Dd2 kicked off rolling round the floor, growling and kicking the doors. Then when they took her to bed she spent two hours ontop of the stairs screaming that they had done it wrong. Turns put milk was in wrong cup, not hot enough and they didn't do her story. Dd1 had meltdown because we were there and was still awake when we got home at 10pm

Mum was very off with me when I got home but has called to say sorry this morning but she said it was very hard and she couldn't understand it. They have looked after them before but clearly forgot to do a few important things :(
Looks like I'm staying in forever!!

Just have another baby, then you learn to accept that no-one is going to look after your kids EVER!!!

Sorry about what happened though.

We never get out, either. And we do it day in and day out and still do it wrong, sometimes. Damn kids have a habit of changing the rules and not telling us!

Oh sympathise with you on this. My parents always look in horror if i even hint at going out with DH and maybe could they babysit! They do try but we have resigned ourselves only to very very trips out on our own.

Hope you ok and that you get to have a chat with your mum x

Ooh sorry it went so horribly wrong
Do you have a crossroads ( caring for carers) or similar service near you? They do a babysitting service here and are very good I hear. Someone i know with 2 boys with asd uses them. May be something out there in the way of respite.?

You never see me and my husband in the same place at the same time - when ever the other dc's have parents evening /concerts etc - one of us goes or if is a concert that is running two nights, we go separately. I rarely go out and we don't really drink at home, but did arrange to "go for a drink" with a colleague after work one evening.
Diligently explained this to ds in the hope that he would behave and go to bed for dh. "yes I may well have an alcoholic drink..." "no - you're not really??" "yes, I might" "no you're kidding me aren't you?" (I didn't think anything more of it...)
I came back about 9.30pm to an almighty telling off "were you drinking alcohol????" "yes - why aren't you in bed?" "DONT YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!! rant rant- dh had told him I WAS DEFINITELY drinking alcohol - so he thought i was going to die from one drink poor sausage!

I totally sympathise. Hope you and DC's are ok.

Someone asked me where I was going on holiday this year. It took all my self-restraint not to let out a hollow laugh. A holiday? No chance. A night off? No chance.

oh Lisa, it is so hard when somehting goes wrong on your 'time off'

do try not to let this get bigger than it is though. you say your parents have looked after them before - presumably all went ok enough then? it must have done for your parents ot even manage to forget the important stuff (assuming they 'accept' the ASD etc?)

how old are your girls? funnily enough, we found it easier when dd1 was little (up to about 4ish) and dd2 a baby to go out - dd1 not ecstatic about the idea, but accepted it ok. but then the years in between them and now - so from dd1 being 4 up to this year (7/8), it has been a lot harder, because dd1 has been a lot more vocal about her dislikes, and dd2 has picked up on that and also then been upset - vicious circle...

I always do a list of what needs ot be done - I have done this for family, for my best friend (who is an angel and doing loads of childcare type things for me at the moment), even for tutors from dd1's last school, who new her really well.

I list:

what needs to be done (and when - dd1 obsessed with times), down to the last detail, if it is important (eg what words/phrases to use, or what order to give drinks at bedtime/which cup etc)
how to do it (whether the girls help or not, if they have drinks in the kitchen/playroom/bedroom/whatever)
and also, crucially, a list of tiny little signs of unease, and what might be able to be done about them (leave alone to work it through, bung on favourite dvd, move straight to damage control of favourite snacks, etc)

whoever looks after them already knows all this stuff (have seen it a million times before, heard all the routines etc) but for my own peace of mind I write it down, andthen if there is a situation, the info is there for them. I find it hard enough to think my way through stuff sometimes, let alone people who don't have to deal with ti every day.

the fear of this happening is enough to put my parents off spending any time at all with DD alone

hope all is calm in your house now lisad

Funnily enough, my dad (AS) himself is the only one who can handle DS. He has zero tolerance and will just send him to his room. Reluctant as I am to say it, I think this firm approach does work. Other relatives have tried and failed to babysit

My older son can handle my two like a pro and so now I have more freedom than I have ever had, he's even had ds overnight a couple of times . What makes me though is that things that ds would consider a mortal sin if I did them he laughs off with his brother so has obviously got more pragmatic as he's got older. Hopefully as your two get older lisa their grandparents will find them easier too.

We generally take turns going out. I go out with friends... DH goes out another night with mates.. it's just less stressful. If we both want to go out together, we ask our adult DD to come over while DS2 is in school and she watches DS3. Then we can go out and have a nice lunch occasionally. It's better than nothing, although it does take some coordinating with work schedules.

I can sympathise. My mum has only babysat for me once, the night DS2 was born. It's shite. Having DC with SNs has meant we never get invited to events like friends' BBQs either.

DS used to stay at my parents regularly but now he won't at all .

Hopefully your parents will have more understanding of your difficulties from now on Lisa :)

I am lucky in that ds is quite happy to stay at pils for a night but it has to be th same night each wee and he doesn't take kindly to changes...like lazy week when he was I'll or this week when we are going on hols....:(
But babysitting him here?
No offers have ever been forthcoming!....:(

My DM can have DD(6) to sleep over at her house without problems. But it goes nuclear if DM tries to put her to bed here or if I am at DM's..... In DD's head there are rules about bedtime and us being in the wrong houses is a deal breaker.

She will also only let DH put her to bed if I am not home and not expected home. If she thinks she can wait up for me she will.

Another one here who sympathises with you lisad.

If I go out DS comes too and its during the day. I count myself lucky in that my chill time is when I am at work even though its busy I can drink a latte hot lol.

DS doesnt like anyone else to put him to bed either as he is all out of sync then, not even DH so I dont go out in the evenings as its just not worth the hassle.

I usually go out with DS most of the time and to be honest we make a great pair and do our "own thing"

I can't go out whilst he's awake really. I can't miss bedtime either. It really puts a strain on friendships. Same as having to say 'hi' to people I know in the street but having to carrying on walking because he won't wait.
He doesn't really like me talking on the phone either.