I'm worried to death about ds (6) I need to put this down, please just tell me what you think.

[Originalplurker]

I have had a trying few weeks with ds I try to bullet point and answer whatever questions. I will check back on thread regular.

Last few weeks have been very trying. Listening is a big problem simple getting ready seems to be getting worse, eg asked to put school shoes on will put trainers on, send upstairs to brush teeth, wonders into bedroom found doing whatever, fails to breakfast if cartoons are. Not too different right to a lot of kids his age right?

He is very sensitive, can cry easily if told off, or gets hurt and cry a lot.

Always likes to know what's happening next, this can be by the hour,day,week or month.

He is very chatty but dear me I feel lately v much more so (maybe its catching up on me I don't know) he asks the same question over and over sometimes they don't make sense the questions they are fragments. I have to tell him we have answered that question, even if he has got the desired answer, as in when asking for a treat and he has been told yes, it's lime he needs it repeatedly confirmed.

Yesterday he said he had no friends. I know most kids say this. He seems to mix ok in and out of school but doesn't seem to have one particular best friend. There is a constant little boy he plays with but he is v different and often naughty, his teacher told us they can't understand why they are friends. He stuck for his friend yesterday in an unpleasant situation. He often last year and this (yr1 so yr2 in sept) does not seem to know how to rebuff or respond to certain playground teasing. I've always put this downs to he is eldest and only until dd (4mnths)

Teacher spoke to me when I asked for reassurance about his friendships, sought me out in playground, said they were aware and there is constant telling tales. I was aware of this from what ds has told me, and spoke to him about when it's best to speak up or not. Teacher agreed he has a strong sense of right and wrong.

I have been concerned about how I've been parenting him recently feel like I'm always repeating myself, losing temper, shouting, guilt ridden, apologising, so I've been on google. I looked up sensitive children and how they need parenting with more empathy. There was some stuff about asperges some read on.

I then googled this more been on autism.org and started to cry and feel sick as it seems to ring faint bells.

Ds always flaps his hands up and down when excited/upset, has done this since being very little.
He always smells thingsm he picks things up like a plastic object and says here mammy smell this.
He was until recently still mouthing objects occasionally, eg would feed the back of leather chair with his tongue.
When walking or waiting to go he always seems to be lolloping about as I call it his arms twisting and turning. Basically looks the opposite of uncool. But then I've seen him act so mature and calm too.

He is academically able in top groups this year and last, not had school report.

Should I be concerned?
Thanks for reading.

well, i am no expert, but it sounds like he may have some sensory issues, my son and daughter have similar traits. i would ask to see a paediatrician about it, but i would not be unduly concerned to be honest. i didnt want your thread to be unanswered until morning, but like i say, i am no expert, just a mum with a little experience of some similar issues.

Thanks for your reply cherry, did you goto gp for a referral?

There is nothing glaringly that stands out, it just seemed like all these little things connected up but I don't know if I'm pfb helicoptering my ds who could be just a v sensitive child.

no i didnt, but i would have done if school had not picked up on things in the first place. ds2 has high functioning autism and displays some of the characteristics you see in your son. for the most part he manages very well as he has no real behavioural issues, only learning, social and emotional. dd1 displays the rest of the issues you have highlighted, and then some. she has aspergers. in both instances their problems were picked up by school soon after i had noticed differences between them and their peers.

ds2 was failing to progress academically for nearly 2 years, so was referred to the gp who referred straight to paeds consultant and we went from there. he has now been diagnosed for 3 years and is about to start at a specialist secondary school in september.

dd1's issues were also picked up by school as she has much more in the way of behavioural problems, and by the time she finished year 1 had been excluded from school 6 times because of violent outbursts. she has now been attending a specialist (BESN) primary school for a year, and has not been excluded once. she is in a class of 9, all others are boys, and she is the youngest child there. the school adore her as she is one of only 3 girls who attend out of 50 children. she is 7 and my little firecracker. she is the brightest and cleverest little monkey i have ever met, and such a cheeky little miss, but has some quite severe sensory issues which were the biggest part of her problems at her old school- she has major issues with low level noise (chattering children etc) and touch and feel issues too (wouldnt wear PE shorts due to the feel) as well as lots of social issues. she can be the most perfect little lady, and at the flick of a switch she becomes a she-devil.

feels so good to get that all off my chest

I agree you should get a referral, it sounds as though he could do with some specialist intervention. He is a bright child, which sometimes means that the school might not be aware of his needs.

Try to think of the things he does as a need for him to do, it really helps with the losing patience thing. He needs to smell things because that's how he understands objects, he needs to flap because it helps him understand where his body ends and the outside world begins. He gets distracted because he is easily visually stimulated and therefore gets confused.

Please don't get upset, these are traits that many children have. No doubt he has many gifts and talents that other children don't have. Try to focus on those. If there is a proper diagnosis made this will help him get what he needs to reach his full potential. Try not to think of it as a negative thing, it really isn't.

I found an interesting link here.

aspiringdad.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/understanding-hand-flapping-and-what-to-do-or-not-do-about-it/

Thanks for sharing cherry, it's good. I've stopped crying and feeling as queasy though I'm wide awake, and for a while.

He doesn't have any behavioural issues but he does with other children's!

I feel scared, don't know whether to make gp appointment or aske to speaks to teachers again and see what they think but scared they might think I'm being silly suggesting.

Dh asked me what was wrong when I came to bed and I burst into silent tears, he said its ok it's ok, he's bright and healthy, and has gone back to sleep. I only managed to say I was worried sick, not what I'd read or suspicsions are.

Thank you fedup, I'll go look at link.

You know there was definitely a point during reception that I realised he was actually quit 'soft' and sensitive compared to peers, it was never apparent in nursery really as they were so cosseted (sp?)

Yes fedup we too thought it was a cute thing just like the blogger says when ds was little.

He did and sometimes still does the label thing. When a preschooler if he knew I was poorly he would offer me his label.

He has a funny habit of putting his fingers to the outer corner of his eye whe watching tv or whe tired I think. We had his eyes checked they were fine.

Recently every time he got up and walked away he used his right foot to touch up/kick back up towards his bottom fro the knee, as if an involuntary action. He has stopped doing this now. Interesting.

I do feel scared for what this may all mean. I used to teach secondary have v little contact with and never taught students with asperges.

I guess the leg thing is similar to the hand flapping - it's about knowing where their body ends, they have a different sensory response. His body needs feedback to get its bearings.

Don't feel scared, think of the relief it will be for your boy when he gets the attention and understanding he needs. But I can understand what you must be going through. Mine was diagnosed very young (not AS or ASD) and it was such a relief to finally be able to do the right thing for her.

So do I literally just goto go on my own and share what I have here and see what they say?

You know dh even used to call his back seat car chatter his 'monologues' I've come across that term tonight.

But he doesn't seem that different. No parents of mums I'm friendly with have ever said anything. Is it possible that as they going through school behaviours that seem ok when younger become noticeable, such as ability to get very upset.

I feel v sad, I am scared for him he seems so vulnerable all of a sudden.

He walked out of the changing room naked into a public area too, should he at 6? We have spoke about privacy.

Bump

Call your GP today note all your concerns down in bullet point form and ask to be referred to the community paediatrician there may be a bit of a waiting list for this service. My DD has similar sensory issues she has gone through various phases with them ie licking things, sniffing everything and recently constantly having her fingers in her mouth but she has grown out of these things. Do not wait for reassurances from the school you know your child best if your DS is behaving well he will not be on the school's radar as he is not causing any disruption my DD had quite extreme aggressive behaviour in school. Good luck don't be nervous you are helping your DS

I think if you are concerned you should see your gp and discuss. Lots of people have aspergers traits, not full 'disorder'. My ds was diagnosed with this at 4. He has some sensory problems and some behaviour problems as a result but the consultant was able to reassure us that he was very likely to grow up into a fully functioning adult. Dh has the same traits, is highly successful in his career and bagged himself a fabulous wife
We are big fans of omega 3. Ds has been taking it in high doses for 2 months and lower doses for the previous 4 months. Some of his aspergers traits have disappeared - he no longer flaps at all for example. Might be worth looking into.

Op he sounds very much like my 6 year old he appears very much normal although people comment on his constant chatting and say hes very hyper, he can appear rude as he constantly interupts to talk about well unimportant things. Ds is really sensitive hes cries all the time hates been told what to do always wants to know whats happening next and how long over and over, has lots of little tantrums and grumps occasionally big ones like if i make him hold my hand to stop him running off in a shop he will scream! stamp feet very agressively. He likes smells even stinky ones we actually have to stop him smelling peoples bottoms if they pass wind! and always says whats that smell??? hes not to bad on licking things now but used to be bad hes does like to lick mirrors though in shops! the only difference in your post is ds has never said he dosnt have friends but i do wonder as ds seems to think EVERYONE is his friends everyone likes him and tbh i do worry if hes really 'getting it' at school, academically teacher says hes doing great no concerns other than attention and fidgeting. We know ds is a sensory seeker he seen an OT at 5 but was discharged without help

update thank you thank you thank you MN at its finest again.

I got a cancellation this am.

I jotted down my list from this thread just before I went in.

I told how I was concerned re my son and some I've noticed but not thought anything of for years ,and others have emerged since starting school almost two years ago and I've added it all up. So in summary:

Hand flapping
Leg kicking
Smelling objects
Mouthing things regularly til recently, still does sometimes
Gets very upset if hurt or in trouble
Re-asking co start questions (thou know this can be pester power)
Responding to instructions to get ready ( though again know plenty others who have this problem)
Always seems to be on outskirts of friendships
Doesn't seem to understand playground banter
Strong sense of right and wrong to the point of telling lots of tales on other children

Otherwise he is in top groups for literacy etc has no behavioural problems.

I don't think he has a significant range and depth of traits as some he seems to have grown out of, but enough for me to notice and connect up. I don't think he needs help at school. My gut feeling is best put like this I know and love him100% but understand 90% of him if that makes sense?

At very least he is a very sensitive little boy who needs guidance re emotional and social issues.

I left a note with reception for his teacher this am (the other one as he has two) saying I had some non related school concerns but would be interested to know if she had noticed any small day to day things little habits etc.

So we got a referral to CAHMS, he said someone from a team would send us an appointment in a few weeks. can anyone tell me what may happen next any pointers to keep things moving

I rung and told dh after this, he didn't know my suspicions so was ok youve done the right thing but the went on to tell me what i should n shouldn't be doing next like more googling etc. he did say how ds has a lot of Dh traits n maybe he has it mild.

Thanks had to get all that down.

holy did you get your dd assessed or referred?

shopping yes that's reflects ds and dh

latter it's a relief to hear from someone else who has observed the same in their child. I'm a worrier, well dh is too, but we not imagining things! A sensory seeker? I'm learning fast, thank you for sharing.

Should I tell school he has this referral? I havnt told any parents at school, and I'm not going to, I'm scared they will think I'm being neurotic, they know how I'm a worrier.

It's ironic I was worried about getting pnd, or dd being poorly but it's like they say, things come along from where you least expect. I didn't see this coming, it all just connected lastnight but could wrong. Need to understand.

Hi - good to hear that you've got a referral to CAMHS. What happened with us (DS - aged 5.5) following our referral to CAMHS is that I then had to fill in a long, complicated and rather harrowing (focusing on all the difficulties/negatives) online questionnaire (the school also had one to fill in) which was followed by a long meeting with a practitioner (DS not present) about my concerns. This was followed by 2 meetings with both DS and myself, whereby they assessed DS, then one more with just me eventually leading to a diagnosis of Aspergers. This took about 4 months in all, but we had already seen several professionals (SALT, OT, Community Paed, Educational Psych) over the previous year so the concerns were already in the 'system' as it were.

Any pointers? I think this largely depends on what CAMHS are like where you are, but I did find they needed a bit of chasing. So if you haven't had an appointment in a few weeks, ring them up and chase! Also, be prepared to have to go through your concerns again and again sometimes to different people - it's quite traumatic - but remember, it can only be positive for your son, whatever the outcome...

WW xx

Im a worrier to its the one things that stopped me going to gp before as i was worried they would think it was me being paranoid. I hadnt heard of sensory seeker either until seen OT i was convinced there was more though but he was discharged and school think that the cushion to sit on to keep him still is all he needs.

Did you take your ds to gp with you? im thnking of going back to square one with ds and go to gp but alot of the obvious things have gone away

No, I was fighting back the tears getting him ready. He wasn't himself this am. I decided to just get ready slowly without hassle. I gave him some cough medicine. I took him down at 920, then I got cancellation.

I rushed to weight watchers then docs then hair appt all on auto pilot.

My dh sent me a text saying ds was kicky to have a mother like me and he was lucky to have me as who's wife. I nearly burst into tears mid root touch up.

dd just keeps gurgling, feeding and sleeping not bother! She sleeps through.

wibble this is all good to know* I will be on the phone. Part of this has come about the looming 6 weeks hols, in the past I have always looked forward to them doing all the fun stuff. I just can't stand the thought of the chatter and questions and that's awful.

special thanks to cherrymonster who held my hand during small hours.

Feel much better now calmer especially since picking him up from school and being to. Hug him. He's fine.

I cried for weeks when ds' Pre school teacher first suggested there was something not quite right. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, just wanted to take him away where there were no other children to compare him to.
2 years on and most days I forget there is a problem, some days he is very hard work and I'm back to the crying again. I think you clearly have a lovely ds and dh (no way would mine every tell me something so lovely) and now you can start to make things a little easier for him if you discover there is a sen.
Fwiw it's great that he is doing so well at school and behaviour seems ok, my ds is pretty grim at school.

Thanks shopping I hope you get back to being forgetful soon!

Dh bringing fish n chip plus wine, it's needed tonight!