its not a big thing, but upset (and a bit angry) at friends comments

[bejeezus]

My dd is dyslexic and just finishing year 2. She was waaaay behind at the beginning of the year, but has made phenomenal progress this year with fantastic support from her phenomenal teacher! The school have been brilliant, and have also brought in outside help

I was talking to a close friend about some other specialised help dd may ne able to access next year and how to coordinate it with school. I can't remember her exact words, but they were along the lines that dd gets enogj help from the school as it is; like, she had her fair share
In another occasion, when I had been lamenting dds difficulty with reading, she asked if we have books at home...wtf, she knows we do, she's been to our house countless times. But that's not the point ; point is, she thinks dds difficulties are because I don't provide enough reading material??

Both times, I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

I don't even know really why I'm posting...just wonderong if others come across these attitudes in friends and how to deal with it....and just for a vent

Sorry...I know its not a big deal in the scheme of things

it mighn't sound like much compared to, erm let's see callng someone's report a bag of S, [sorry - couldn't resist] but actually it is maddening from family, friends etc etc
I guess you've got to choose - people who you don't give an xxx about ignore it and let them continue to be ignorant...?
ignore it 'cos they won't ever learn and you don't want to cut them off completely [eg. your parents]
Try and get through to them as there's a chance they'll see the light and you'll respect them again....

Hmm...yes, you're right. I need to think that through don't I. I just don't feel like I should have to explain to friends....

(did someone say that about your dcs report?!

i suspect that she is jealous of the help your dd gets. somepeople just see the support and wish their child could have the support... but do not see the difficulties and that your child is still disadvantaged by whatever condition they have even with support and a lot of the time the suupport is not sufficient any way.

people can make such loaded comments with little understanding of the child or "condition" (sorry can't think of the right word) involved.

it pisses me off when people make assumptions about ds... oh you should just do this or that, like your friend sayiing you should have read to her more...

Yes, people do not understand. A friend recently said to me that she disapproved of parents doing homework with their children as it should be a true reflection of the child's ability. I saw red. My son has dyslexia and I have to spend hours and hours doing his homework with him!

Fabulous that your DD is getting all this help - it doesn't always come easily.

I do justabout, which is why this has upset me so much. And really really suprised me. I've been stewing on it; I think I'm really going to have totally to her. I'm not sure, I don't want to...maybe I can pet this slide, but not any further comments. It's quite difficult yo carry on as normal with her when I know she thinks Luke that about my dd

redwhite yes, jealous of the support is exactly how it came across; like my dd shouldn't get any more support, just because of her dyslexia, when the other kids (i.e. her ds) don't get that 1 on 1. It's such a bizarre thing to think, is it not? I don't.begrudge any of the.kids with higher SEN, the support they get

What did you say to her niceweather?

The school are great. But to be honest, its only 2 hours a week 1 on 1, and then an hour a week in a small group....

I wonder also, if more patents feel like this??

DS transferred to a small primary school in the next village which had a CPOC set up breakfast club - he is dyslexic amongst other things. The majority of parents live on a new housing estate on the edges of the nearby town but want to avoid their local school (rough - ie w/c). However they are pissed off that so much time of the TA is spent with kids with SEN and so have suggested to my face that DC should attend the large, 'rough' primary near to their homes (they assume they will be better able to cope) and keep the small m/c village schools for their NT children who don't live locally but have pushy parents. There is also a tendency for them to believe that SEN are not 'real' but is just a fashionble term for lumpen proles. Ignorant tosspots.

Jesus keep! What did they actually say?! Did they spell it out, like that? More importantly, what did YOU say in return?

Thanks justabout that response has been useful for me, in getting it straight in my own head. I don't think, as yet I could say that to her She is not so sensible. I think she would see that as me attacking her. Hmmm....this is making me really re-evaluate her/the friendship....

And, also I need to ne sending the right messages to dd, so I realise I'm going to have to belt up and get my responses sorted, so that she knows she's entitled to an adequate education

If you think she's worth keeping but just ignorant, can you find a leaflet or article to print out about dyslexia and give it to her?

Bejeezus, Oh yes, I did launch back at her but we were interrupted. Needless to say, her kids are high flyers! My son has always needed loads and loads of help and far more than school have ever been able or willing to give. He is 12 now and has a laptop for his writing but he still needs loads of help with the proofreading. This takes far longer than the actual work. I have had to give up on helping him with spellings and maths as there is just far too much to tackle in one go. No doubt some parents will be jealous that he is allowed to use a laptop!

The other thing that annoys me is the use of completely inappropriate phrases / words etc. One of my 'friends' actually said 'why do you have to be so remedial' to her completely nt ds. This word has been used several times now in front of ds and I. Ds is awaiting diagnosis for dyspraxia, suffers from hypermobility and in all likelihood will have dyslexia (v strong on dh side). [Angry]

[shock

Sorry...phone slipped out of my hand...

How did you handle it spidey?

I just dont get the resentment over kids getting the help that they need....just because another parents dc doesn't need that level of help

It's really mean

As a little aside- I think that is a hidden gift that our non MT dcs have....they will not habour these kind of resenrments in adulthood, and will be very inclusive people I think (?)

I have had people comment on the fact that I could choose my DS's secondary just because he has a statement while their child got a less popular school. My response was 'Would you like to swap, then? Your child can have SN and go to the better school, my child can be NT and go to the other school?' Suddenly they weren't so keen.

Fucking idiots!

Do you think it boils down to people 'not believing' in SNs?

It's the only way I can fathom, this kind of attitude in other parents

I don't know? My DS is pretty visibly autistic. I think some people truly don't think about anyone but themselves.

He may be visibly autistic but isn't autism down to crap parenting at the end of the day? They probably think you are being rewarded for whatever it is they think you do too much of / don't do enough of / various illogical conclusions they've come up with based on not knowing anything (and I wouldn't be surprised if they were terrified of anything NT too, like it's contagious).

whoops, anything NON-NT

Beejeezus I've had similar comments from a parent of children in my son's class. Something along the lines of .. "I know your son gets lots of support which is really great, but my child suffers as the teachers are too busy looking after the ones with SN's". I replied by asking her which child she would prefer to have as theirs .. mine or hers?? She soon shut up.

Sorry so long to reply. I wimped out and ignored comment. Don't really want to have to explain what remedial means to ds or her ds. At the moment ds just about fits in fine with his peers - probably not for too much longer though.

Think everyone has the attitude of 'oh I feel sorry for your situation but does that mean my child should miss out?'. The thing is when I was little there was just one teacher and one assistant in year one. At ds school there are several tas for the same year, I believe this is probably due to increased awareness of sen.

I know you probably can't really say this in rl to your friend, but tell her to take it up with the school if she feels that her child is not getting adequate support. It has bugger all to do with the support your dd needs - esp if they've brought in outside help.

Ffs this attitude makes me so angry. What is she hoping you'll say? That you'll feel so guilty for 'depriving' the other nt kids of resources that you'll tell the school to take away the support your dd needs because you don't want to upset other parents? Does she think that just because your dd does or doesn't get the support she needs it makes any difference to the resources available to the rest of the class?

Sorry for rant I'm in a ranty kind of mood tonight.