tricky situation with one of dd's teachers

[Blossomhill]

Posted this on education but thought I'd post here too as would appreciate your comments and know that some of you only come on sn.

My dd (6.5) attends a mainstream school with an attached language unit. She has a language/communication disorder.
Anyway they split groups for literacy and maths and dd has the same teacher for both of these sessions.
About 2 months ago dd's behaviour deterioated so badly that she was biting herself and was very unhappy. She kept saying she was unhappy about sitting on her own at the table. In the meanwhile a letter came home asking me to come in and discuss a new arrangement they had been implementing.
Basically they had been sitting dd at a table facing the wall for some written work as she was getting distracted easily. Although I know it's hard for teachers I was put out as she is in the unit to be intergrated and I would hardly call it inclusion. They may as well just hang a plaque round her head saying "special needs". I said I wasn't happy and where was dd's lsa for this lesson. Teacher said she didn't have one for literacy and it was just teacher and 3o kids (including dd) and admitted that she was finding it a bit of a struggle and that dd would benefit from extra support.
Next day went to language unit and spoke to language base teacher. Explained what literacy teacher had said and asked why dd wasn't having support. As obviously the table arrangement was being put into place as she couldn't cope with dd. Language teacher said that she would talk to literacy teacher (who was always very nice and friendly to me).
Anyway language base teacher came back and said that literacy teacher had said dd was doing fine and so was she coping with it. Dd didn't need extra support wtf????
I said well I think dd should have it. The reason I sent dd to unit was so that I knew she would always be supported and I wouldn't have to worry about this kind of situation. There argument is that dd is bright and the only child out of the 12 language base kids that need that group. Dd's sn has never been about her academ
Since then dd no longer sits at the table and they have now support for 3 days a week.
My big problem now is that literacy teacher obviously isn't happy with me. She blanks me and is just very frosty.
I can't see what her problem is? She can go home at the end of the day.
What is so wrong with wanting what is best for my little girl?

Hi!

from a teaching perspective - I have worked with teachers who find it hard to ask for help or even to admit they could do with any sort of help....perhaps she is like that and then got annoyed that as she perceives it - you went behind her back to the language base teacher. SOme teachers also are very 'territorial' about their classrooms and how they run them - in that they really don't like being 'told' to implement things iyswim.

From my pov there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting what is best for your daughter.

I would just think in your head when you see her - her problem, her problem, her problem - easier said than done I know.

Hi Blossom

I think Eidsvold might be right and her nose is put out of joint that you went above her.

I personally feel that you shouldn't have to worry about DD's teacher's feelings and that you did the right thing. I would be very unhappy if DS was being made to face the wall and sit on his own.

I sympathise with you about her being frosty and blanking you. I get the impression that DS's teacher thinks of me as a PITA and it really bothers me

Blossomhill, I have been in situations myself where you have to speak up about what's best for your child. This has been in a LEA meeting and nobody likes to be told when they are wrong.

Trust your insticts, if you don't speak out for your child, who will. I've never had any regrets and if she chooses to blank you. Then make a point of having a friendly chat with her next time you see her. In other words let her see that you only wanted whats best for your dd. larsxx

Heh Blossom, do you know what, DD's teacher (although fab and lovely) is very temperamental and very defensive and it's all very political. At the end of the day, it's about them. The literacy teacher obviously thinks that you think she can't cope or isn't good enough or whatever. I agree with Lars, have a friendly chat with her next time you see her. COMPLIMENT her! Let her know it's not about her, it's about your DD's needs.

Heh Blossom, do you know what, DD's teacher (although fab and lovely) is very temperamental and very defensive and it's all very political. At the end of the day, it's about them. The literacy teacher obviously thinks that you think she can't cope or isn't good enough or whatever. I agree with Lars, have a friendly chat with her next time you see her. COMPLIMENT her! Let her know it's not about her, it's about your DD's needs.

I agree with Lars. Don't let her blank you. Even if it means finding some excuse for her to HAVE to talk to you. Once the barrier is broken down again I'm sure things will be fine. Its so hard though, trying to manage everyone and please everyone and get what your child needs without being high maintenance or too passive!!!

I am just so tired with feeling bad about wanting what's best for dd.
The teacher can go home and forget and I can't. Dd is my resposibilty 24/7 and her actions were the start of dd's SIB.
I so badly need a holiday (sigh)

Ah, Blossom . Sorry you're feeling knackered and fed-up. Don't feel bad for doing the best for your DD, it's inevitable, almost, that you're not going to get on with EVERYBODY whilst fighting DD's corner

I know how you feel as I clash with my sons m/s teacher. He is supported for literacy but it doesn't always seem to happen and I have seen hime really struggle.

Agree with jakb, you can't please everyone. Perhaps discuss it with unit teacher?

Sorry you are feeling low.

Is there no chance of a holiday this year?

Well, at least she didnt tell you that "she" was the expert, like i was told last week!

I can really relate blossomhill - we have been having similar trouble with dd2's m/s school.

Sometimes everything is fantastic and other times not so. It seems that the wonderful learning support assistant who was working with her in the early part of the year has moved on to a better paying job and the school have been having trouble finding another suitable learning support assistant. She has had 2 others in the last couple of months who have basically just been babysitters and not very good ones at that. DD2 needs more than that. We have found that rather than including her in some areas of schooling they are excluding her - like when the class does show and tell - she is sent 'round the corner to play with playdoh - what is she learning by playing with playdoh?? They say they don't think she is ready for show and tell - how will she ever get ready if she's not at least watching!?! So we are about to embark on discussions with the school and research other options. I did not send dd2 to an expensive mainstream school so she could be separated from the other kids and stuck in a corner. It really bothers me because if she just has appropriate support she actually does really well. I asked her when she came home from school on Friday "What did you do at school today?" she said "Calendar", I said "Great - what day is it today?" she correctly said "Friday" and we went on talking about what month it was. School has also excluded her from swimming - one of her favorite things to do. I understand it is for safety reasons - we wouldn't want to put anyone in danger. Because she is not properly supported DH has offered to go in his swim trunks to be her support but they wouldn't let him go either. She sees the other kids going off talking about swimming knowing she can't go too - I can only imagine what is going through her head - she's not stupid. To me it feels like a punch in the chest everytime I think about it.

On a better note - she had a fantastic 6th birthday party last week at home. Seven kids from her class, plus their siblings and some parents came and it ended up being about 20 guests altogether. We hired a huge bouncy castle the kids loved and they played on our outside toys and some even ventured into dd's room to play. Everyone had a great time and apparently the party was the big topic of conversation when the kids went back to school - one even asked DH "when is her next birthday party?" he was so keen to do it again!!

DH went in and spoke with the school last week and didn't get any reasonable responses so we are going to have to go in together for a meeting to discuss dd, what was agreed to and what is not happening in regards to dd.

NOT great timing as I am a very hormonal and emotional 38 weeks pregnant, our car has been in the repair shop since Feb 8th when DH was in an accident that was not his fault (no safe public transport here) AND our home phone is not working and the phone company can't figure out why! All I need now is to go into labour and have to call an ambulance!! I need a glass of wine...

Could really do without the school not providing what they said they 100% would!! Worried we might have to try another school altogether but will first see if we can help them get a more suitable lsa first as we generally do like the school and dd1 is already there.

So I can really understand your frustrations but I will try to remember some of the comments our other friends here on mn have provided and go in with a positive 'let's find a solution here' attitude and see how that goes.

BH - I hope you have managed to get some more positive responses from dd's school.