My son scared me today

[Broodymomma]

My 5 year old ds is currently going through tests for suspected sensory integration disorder.

Today he had a clinic app where they got him to sit and post discs through a slot and then follow lines drawing on paper. All seemed to be going well when out of nowhere he stood up and started saying he was going to wreck the room and proceeded to pick up his chair and throw it, I tried to calm him then he kicked me hard several times and continued to wreck havoc in the room. It came out of nowhere he seemed almost possessed. It terrified me to see him like that and not knowing how to help him. It is by far the worst behaved I have ever seen him I couldn't believe it was my child.

They cut the session short and I took him to a separate room to calm him down which happened quickly. He said he did not like sitting and he could not control his temper.

I don't know what to do for the best. He starts school in August and I dread to think of him behaving like he did today. We have had a long talk tonight and lots of cuddles, I think he scared himself too.

Had anyone else gone through anything similar? Feel so alone in this I don't know how to help him.

It must have been a big shock for you if he doesn't normally behave like that.

Bearing in mind the possible sensory integration disorder, could it have been something in the environment that, coupled with feeling under pressure to 'perform' the tests, might have pushed him over the edge.

The phrase he 'did not like sitting' is unusual, I'm just wondering if possibly he was actually feeling physically uncomfortable but unable to explain it. If that is the case, he could well have been sitting there trying to be good and holding it in, until it got too much for him, hence the apparently sudden outburst?

It is upsetting and scary when your dc has an outburst that you feel helpless to help them with, I have been there myself with my ds1. Ds1 also frightens himself when he loses control and it is heartbreaking not knowing what do to to help him.

What have the school got planned for his transition? Has anyone discussed the sort of environment he should be in, in terms of keeping things clear and not overstimulating in terms of sensory input? Have you had a meeting with the school SENCO to see what support they can offer him?

Thanks for your reply. They said today he has hyper mobility however I am not sure if that's linked to him rarely sitting still. He is always moving and tends to circle things a lot. However he would sit happily and watch tv.

School have been great and gave him a good transition with visits etc and seen to have a good knowledge and plan re the sensory issues. However today was a curve ball in that where he has issues enough for me to have seeker advice I have never seen him react with such venom. It ale out of nowhere he seemed to be really enjoying the activities and was happy with the praise he was getting.

The issues that brought us to here are based around him being very solitary and unable to connect with other children. He has a small group of close friends but anyone else he seems to see as an enemy almost. He isolates himself off and is not interested in making friends but then get upset he has no friends.

I am at my wits end. I have a little Jekyll and Hyde and i feel I hae failed him. I don't know what to do or how to mother him. Do I come
Down hard and be strict, do I smother him with love so he feels secure? Apparently I am too soft with him but I see a scared little boy who does not understand why he lashes out and I want to help him I just dont know how . I'm exhausted and feel so isolated with this.

Please excuse the typos am on my phone

Hypermobility could be part of the issue. My ds2 has hypermobility syndrome and like your son, he can sit and watch tv or play on his ds quite comfortably, when he has got himself into a comfortable position, but he can't sit cross legged on the carpet at school and sitting on the wrong type of chair, say a chair with his legs dangling or where his feet only just touch the floor would be really uncomfortable, if not painful for him.

So, it could have been that the chair he was having to sit on to do the tests wasn't supporting him properly and he was either in pain or uncomfortable but unable to either express it or even understand himself what he was feeling - bearing in mind the sensory integration aspect.

My elder ds has Aspergers and sensory problems and he is almost constantly in motion of some sort. He has poor proprioception, so needs to constantly move to get feedback on his surroundings and where he is, iyswim. That would explain your ds's need to constantly move and circle things. Ds1 walks endlessly round and round the room, particularly if he is struggling with other things.

It's so hard sometimes to know what triggers a problem, especially when they are so young and struggle to understand their own feelings, let alone all the sensory stuff they have going on.

You absolutely haven't failed him, you have sought out answers and help and made sure the school are aware of his difficulties and prepared to support him.

Personally, I am the same as you, not at all confident that I'm doing the right things and never quite sure whether I should be tougher on ds1 or not, but in the end I think all we can do is have clear cut, set boundaries and make sure we stick to them, whilst reassuring them that they are loved unconditionally.

Who has told you you are too soft with him?

Your son sounds very like my ds. How old is your boy? It was a parent of one of my ds friends she invited us to a event and she was drunk and just said I should not have approached a health visitor as now he is going to school labelled and all thats wrong is I am too soft. It made me think but in honesty she does not know my ds that well and has no idea of the challenges I face with him.

The other things that terrifies me is that for example i will say "I love you" and he will put his hands over his ears and say you said you hate me I want to be hit by a car and die or held underwater and drowned. It's so disturbing to hear him talk like that and breaks my heart. If anything goes wrong he says it's his fault and he should be killed. For
Example he has got it is his head his grandpa
Being in heaven is his fault. He died before he was even conceived!!

God help me Please feel like I'm cracking up. Tomorrow could be a great day but who knows. It's like walking on eggshells and just as I relax it starts again.

Today was the first mention of hyper mobility so I must read up on it. We have a rug in the living room that he walks round constantly if talking and often says he has sore legs. He is also not interested in art or anything with his hands like crafts but will happily play a ds or wii . That's where it does not make sense.

Ah, don't listen to what other people say about your parenting - especially when they've had a drink or two. You develop a thick skin about those sorts of comments eventually. Honestly if the people who make those sorts of comments could walk a mile in our shoes, it would be amazing how quickly their views would change.

My ds1 is 10 and was diagnosed with Aspergers last year when he was just under 9, so I have been where you are, not knowing what the problem is, wishing someone would just help me to help my son. It's a hard path to tread, but you can do it and you will, because you're his mum and you love him.

We are all a bit hypermobile in our family to varying degrees. Ds1 has some hypermobility, but isn't badly affected by it, whereas my middle child, ds2 suffers horribly with daily pain in his hips, knees and ankles and he tires very easily from the sheer effort of moving his own body around. He is 8 and was only seen by a paediatrician about it in April this year, after the GP said he didn't think his joints were particularly lax. We had a letter today confirming every joint in his body, excluding his neck and jaw are affected!

Has anybody suggested assessing your ds for ASD Autism Spectrum Disorder? I'm in no way suggesting your ds has it, no-one on here can or should diagnose, as we can never know the full story, but if I were you I think I would want to at least rule it out.

Ds1 is the same, he seriously hates craft, drawing and writing and has fine motor skills issues, whereas he is a whizz on his ds and really good with a games console. We were told it was a good thing, as even pressing buttons on a ds can help with fine motor skills to some extent! It's totally different from craft though, where you have to handle different materials and textures, hold things steady, cut things neatly, draw a recognisable picture and colour within the lines etc. If you have hypermobile fingers/hands or fine motor problems of any sort, those sorts of tasks present themselves as huge challenges to you, whereas pressing buttons whilst engaged mentally in a game that fully immerses you and takes you away from all the sensory overload of the real world is actually a huge relief. My ds uses his nintendo dsi to calm down and relax. For me, personally, it would wind me up, but for him it's a total escape from everything he struggles with every single minute of every day.

I totally understand the walking on eggshells feeling and it is exhausting, but you won't crack up - though lord knows many of us feel like we're going to sometimes.

I have to go to bed now, am falling asleep on the keyboard, but do keep posting and I will come back tomorrow to chat some more if it helps.

Take care, it can and will get better, especially if you stick around MNSN and keep posting for support.

Have a very un MNetty ((hug)) to keep you going.

I really can't thank you enough for the support you have shown me your words and understanding mean a lot to me. It is so good to talk to someone who understands and gets what I am saying. So many people assume he is just rude or badly behaved and I just wish people could see the loving adorable boy I have when we close the door on the outside world.

Autism was mentioned but the therapist said he did not fit neatly into any box and it seemed to be the sensory disorder route they were following most closely. From research online aspergers stands out the most to me if I am honest but hopefully going through the tests will start to rule things out or identify what is wrong.

Thinking back to yesterday his trigger point came right after doing work with a pencil. She had shown me how his fingers easily bend back when explaining the hyper mobility. When we were chilling last night i got some colouring pens out and encouraged drawing to see how long he would tolerate it, it was about 2 minutes before he asked me
To finish the drawing.

My head feels in a spin but although yesterday was horrific I actually feel now like it gave me a lot of answers and leads as into what his triggers are. I was not overly impressed with either therapist to be honest so I going to do a lot of research and know what I am talking about next time. From reading on here kids with autism/aspergers/sensory don't fit neatly into a box like they suggest. It's not a checklist of things they must have.

Would love to keep talking to you as you are the first person who has got me in relation to this since it started.

Thanks again

Hi Broodymama, who was doing your assessment?.....I am really surprised they didn't use some sensory straegies to try and help him re-gain his equilibrium....
DS has just been diagnosed with SPD - he is sensory seeking (or sometimes I think it is referred to as Sensory Modulation disorder) and his fine motor Dyspraxia.

What you describe our son doing is what my son used to do at school.....not something I really experienced with him, but when he went into sensory overload, or was asked to do something he felt (or he just couldn't do, but could see his peers could) he couldn't, he would blow up.

If he does have SPD, not all OT's are good at treating this in my experience, DS has seen 4 diff OT's, and only the last one has made a significant difference. The others talked about it, but never acheived anything with regards to this. So if you work with an OT - certianly give them a chance, but if you are not noticing a change, I highly recommend trying someone else.

2 books I have read which I have found useful is The out of Sync child and Sensational kids....Sensational kids I think is the easier read and a good introduction. I found the out of sync child quite hard as a starting point.

HTH

Just came back to see if you were ok this morning and to recommend a book to you - The Out of Sync Child - but I see MrsLaughan has already recommended it.

As MrsL said, if he is only seeing an Occupational Therapist, the quality of what they know and can help with can vary widely. If sensory processing problems are suspected you really need a Sensory Trained OT. Unfortunately they are really rare.

You're right, very few children fit neatly into the diagnostic boxes and there are often a lot of cross-over and comorbids. Ds1 was initially going to be dxd with Non-verbal Learning Disorder. He was assessed for Dyspraxia (DCD) and scored on the cut off point and was eventually dxd with Aspergers after a period of working with an Ed Psych and having the ADOS test carried out at our local Multi-Disciplinary Assessment Unit. We were told his non-verbal skills are significantly delayed and to research non-verbal learning disorder as well as AS to find strategies that worked to support him. Diagnosis is rarely as cut and dried as many professionals would like it to be.

If I were you I would go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. You might not get to see one, because dev paeds are a rare animal in the NHS, but you should at least get to see the community paed, who can refer you to the appropriate people for a full assessment.

Definitely get hold of some books and arm yourself with knowledge before you have any more appointment. Knowledge is power! If Aspergers is ringing bells for you, perhaps visit the National Autistic Society's (NAS) website and print off some information, then make a list of why you think your ds would fit the dx criteria.

Hope today is a better day for you and your ds.

Thanks so much to you both I will get that book this weekend.
At the moment it is someone from children's health services he is seeing but I have to say when he did loose it they did not know how to cope and told him he was being silly and ended the session saying they needed to go for lunch before their next appointment.

I go back for the second half of the session on the 19th so I will be armed with information and knowledge this time.

Ds has been a star today but he is in a comfortable situation with myself and his grandparents but good day today which I badly needed after yesterday!

Thanks to you both

You could be describing my son...when he was in an environment where he was comfortable, he was absolutely fine...My Mum would say "I don't understand why there is this problem at school".......but DS diagnosis has him spot on and he is doing really well now.

I found thru out our Journey that to a point I trusted the "professional's" too much...things sort of similar would happen , the professionals would hold there hands up in horror, and I would think, "shit, where do I go, if they don't understand" and it would make me panic

I think the people who were assessing him have no bloody idea.....I am not saying that your son has sensory issues....but what you describe is pretty typical for some children with sensory issues.

I would be asking GP for referral to an OT who has specialist Sensory processing disorder training......don't actually know if you can do this,,,we are reasonably new here and are fortunate enough to have been able to go privately

I can't tell you the difference in my son, now we understand his sensory needs and are getting him modulated, everything is falling into place, he is learning well, socialising well, happy, his self esteem is so much better....I just want to give you some hope. You haven't got the answer yet and it can be a long journet, but you will get there.

Please look up PDA and see if that rings any bells. Even if it doesn't, it can explain the outburst as an avoidance technique because he was getting stressed by the pressure of the testing.