help.............I'm about to be taken to court

[devientenigma]

DS has been out of school for over 2 year, historically let down by the system. Had a home tutor for the last year which subsequently failed. Have a new plan, new tutor etc the LEA are now wanting to stipulate timelines and if it fails, as my DS can't do/won't do anything/anywhere they want to go to court to see if I have his needs at heart and if they can force resi on the family. Which if they even listen to his needs know it's the wrong thing to do by DS never mind us.

What do I do?

Have you spoken to contact a family?

How old is your DS?

Could you see this a positive thing in getting the help you need?

Realistically, could a residential school met his needs? What is your alternative, Dev?

I don't ask lightly, but if everything else has failed....LAs don't usually like residential because of the costs, so if they are suggesting it, think about it.

Is homeschooling out?

Hi deviant I had a similar situation with my dd, and what saved us was the CAHMS CP who wrote, "dd does not have the coping mechanisms to attend school", "finds social situations terrifying", and was prepared to argue her case at all meetings. By the way, he only ever met dd the once.

Is ds still under CAHMS? I know they're not everyone's cup of tea, but they can come in useful

Also, Lougle makes a good point, and it's worth thinking about, if only to discount it.

It does sound terrifying, but I would turn it into your forum and use it to make clear the help that you need and how those needs have not been met by the LA, so far and why other options (eg residential) have not been explored.

Besides, if they want you to consider residential, why are they doing it the expensive way rather than simply telling you what they want to offer? It all seems rather ass backwards to me.

oh no dev
can your psych who is looking into PDA help by writing to the LEA? Surely residential would be the wrong setting for a child with PDA?

I know of a couple of children with PDA (diagnosed) who are doing well at residential schools, and I have a DS (AS) at residential where there are students with PDA traits and they are also doing well. So I don't think residential should be rejected purely on the grounds of dx. My experience of it as a parent is that it can be the solution when there are no local schools to meet a child's needs.

Having said that, residential should never be forced on a family if it's not right for your circumstances or what you or the child wishes. I would definitely look for legal advice. The Children's Legal Centre would be a good place to start. I also think it's worth looking at the residential schools they are suggesting, as someone else said if only to discount them.

Whereabouts are you? Any hippy private schools near you that might suit? Steiner/Waldorf/Maharishi/Human Scale/Montessori kind of thing. Might work out cheaper for LEA to pay for that than what they would offer or could use DLA /CTC/CA towards fees?

Good luck.

HR Act - Right to a family life. Find an HR solicitor.

agree with Krystal. especially if they are suggesting resi on your terms, best to look and talk to the resi schools they are thinking of, so you can give reasons why you feel it's unsuitable.

devient

I am not in your shoes right now but I am gobsmacked that the LA can try to take you to court to TELL you to put your son in a resi school.

What about if as a parent you dont want to have your child sent from your home to a resi? surely that is a personal family choice that cant be forced?. Did the LA give birth to your lovely son or you.

I agree you need to contact a good solicitor. Take a huge breath and write down and prepare a statement of what YOU as a family want for your Son and let a good professional kick them to touch.

I am so sorry you got this on your already full plate. I would look at the event that if it does go to court then perhaps the courts will see just how messed around you and your family have been.

Hugs to you x

I thought the principles of Home Education were such that you don't have to prove it. Do you hang out with a Home Ed group? Does he teach himself stuff off his own bat? I assume he keeps fairly busy when left to his own devices? This is a v useful book re philosophy of Home Ed if you wanted to use that line of defence. The theory ties in with PDA I should think.

No experience of this devient but wanted to offer my support, really hope this is sorted out quickly for you and your family.

Can you argue that designing an individual programme of home based behaviour support (e.g. ABA Consultant, Clin Psych, CBT, counselling, mentor, enabler etc etc not sure what the issues are) + home tuition could achieve the same goal for the same or less cost and worth a shot before court action / resi is considered?

What I am talking about is an intensive well funded support programme not a few hours here and there.

Come on with personal budgets round the corner LAs need to start thinking out the box and not just sticking with the same old services.

Shitty the way they're doing it, but I think they do have his and your best interests at heart. You're both trapped in the house, in a cycle of things never changing. It would be heartbreaking to let him go, but it might change his and your life for the better. I say this knowing someone that this happened to and she bitterly resented and fought it but the council were absolutely right. The child (slightly older) was accessing nothing outside the house and the mother was suicidal and trapped into the 'nothing will ever change' cycle that depression brings.

The council made things change. She didn't want them to but, bluntly, she couldn't change things herself and so they had to force it. Her child needed an education and a life outside the home; he wasn't getting it. I think that it is right to look at EVERY option to make those things happen, for children and their parents.

You always say that everything has been tried. This hasn't. Maybe it is what your son needs. Maybe not, but you have few options if life is ever to improve for you both.

It must be really really hard and I hope that you can get some support with this. x

Should say that the mother is glad that they did resi in the end - weekly only initially and now fortnightly home visits - as she thinks she would have killed him and herself if she hadn't been forced to let him go.

thanks everyone, will answer all the Q's in a mo, however the good news for us is the threat hasn't been noted in the minutes in black and white. I have been on the phone to SOSSEN who have told me to get part 4 of the statement to coincide with what he is actually getting and see where that goes for a start.

Hi Starlight CAF helped us for years with probs in school and had to resign in front of all profs stating they think I'm here to back the family in whatever the family say and do and thats not true, they are not listening to me and I am just another body at the every growing table.

Hi zzzzz I have spoke to PP today and they seem to think a suit taken from the viewpoint of the child will not be accepted.

Hi Hebie DS is 11 and I and a few members of the family would say it is the wrong thing for him.

Hi Lougle there is 2 resi placements he would be suited to, they are inde, would be perfect to build up to full time school and maybe respite but right this minute could never see more than that. Elective homeschool is out as he needs 24/7 care, so I do get a short break a few times a week iyswim. I do feel it may be just a threat from the LA tho.

Hi Ice the psychiatrist who signed DS off school is long term sick and his replacement discharged him failing to see an issue (obviously as he's been out of school for 2 year lol) We do however, have started seeing his old psychologist who seems to want to get things moving for DS. Camhs here don't take SLD, CLDT do.

Hi our I agree and didn't want to leave you out

Hi corn I am seeing the psychologist tomorrow so will ask.

Hi Krystal DS also has down syndrome and medical issues including his heart condition, his old school allowed him to sit on the floor in the playground (all he does is sits lol) doesn't matter what the weather, fed him cake and custard daily and used biscuits to motivate him, big worry from the heart pov, he often gets pneumonia and his lungs are weak, unfortunatly for me I don't know when he's ill, it's the behaviour and sensory are my thing, medics the hubby iyswim. So would prefer him home to know he's ok.

lol silk more money going out than coming in. No he doesn't teach himself, he's 11 functioning around preschool. He also has no interest. We don't hang out with anyone as he won't leave the house unless it's for a drive. Will have a look at the book tho.

Whats HR wet?

Light you've met DS do you still think he should be in resi? is it just for the families benefit?

Thats what I was hoping coff33

Thanks starfish

justabout his life has been touch and go at times and has been resuscitated a few would like to know he's ok. Plus he's too anxious when not in the house and his cardiologist states he's not to get stressed.

Agnes there will be an argument if I plan it right. CBT has been mentioned in the past but his LD is too severe.

I see what your saying sick just don't think it's the right thing for DS or us.

HTH and thanks everyone.

HR - Human Rights. Includes right to family life as well as right to education.

Hi Deviant

I don't know you or your son so can't say what woul be best. But I wonder if you can use this to help to more support in place. How can LEA say that resi school is best when there is no proper therapy or support in place? Also now you know they are prepared to stump up big money can you get more help in to support you with respite in your home and more teaching hours at home.

My sibling has Downs and went into residential school v young (age 5) because there was nothing local that my parents thought was suitable.

I couldn't imagine sending my dc who has asd and ld to away to school at that age but equally i can't imagine dc living at home indefinitely as an adult so at some point I suppose I will be facing your dilemna.

When that times comes whether he is 13 or 20 I suppose I will weigh my and my family's happiness in the balance and not just purely think of my child. I hope I will be able to find somewhere for dc that offers more than i can so I don't have to feel guilty about considering my own needs.

Dev, i don't have any special advice but wanted to say am keeping fingers crossed this all starts to improve soon.

Dev just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this on top of everything else and just when it looked as if everything was moving forward a bit. I hope that you can access the advice and support you need.

lol wet I knew that

I agree Late it just adds to the fight, RE therapies!!

Thanks Mariam

I know No however it's something else I can use in my fight to keep him.

Should of also said he has been statemented since 2 year old, it's difficult to de register a child who has a statement and it is the LA decision.............in our case they would not allow it.

Obv what i say is at third hand, not having been in the position myself, but the families i knowof where kids have been in resi, it has been positive for all, the twenty four hour curriculum can be helpful for kids with anxiety driven behaviour issues. They cld all have kids home at weekends etc. In terms of healthcare issues I imagine you wld have to ask searching questions, i dont know how the nursing care etc wld be covered.

I dont know if cost of indie resi wld be signif more than state. Does anyone know?