My ds was called scary by another child

[EclecticShock]

Ok, I haven't posted on here for a while. My ds (2.5) has autistic tendencies including stimming.

I shadow him at nursery. We've just introduced toilet training and the other day, ds went to the toilets to have a wee. I was right behind him as he needs help to get undressed. Another child was in the toilet having a wee and on sight of my ds.... Screamed " help, it's that boy"

Nursery staff came in and asked him what was wrong. He said that ds is "scary". Ds does wear an occlusion patch at nursery.

Staff ignored boys comment and carried on. Ds was confused and upset. The other boy was mid wee and it seemed inappropriate at the time to push the discussion further.

Question is... Do I ask the nursery to talk to the boy and alleviate his worries. My personal opinion is that this boy is quite advanced and favoured by the staff and feels threatened that my ds is also lavished with attention by them...

What do you think?

IMO yes you need to speak to the nursery. You need to make it very clear (preferably in writing) that neither the boys behaviour nor nursery staff reaction to it was acceptable. It doesn't encourage inclusion and it encourages other children to follow suit (beginnings of bullying). Get them to nip it in the bud before it escalates.

I agree with you especially regarding the point about bullying. What do I say and how would you expect the nursery staff to deal with it? I need ideas :)

My DS also wears an occlusion patch, so this is something I know a bit about.

Has the other boy got issues? Are the nursery really crap not very good?

My DS got comments on his Star card, when he was 'Star of the Day' such as 'He is good at being a pirate' and 'Wears really amazing patches'.

Why are they not presenting it positively?

How many hours a day does your DS have to wear it? Could you change the hours? We chose to do it during nursery hours because he had to wear his for three hours (same as nursery) then it got reduced to two, so he took it off at snack time. The other children took great delight in reminding the staff he could take it off!!

He now has it at school till lunchtime, due to very bad eyesight in the 'naughty' eye!!

6 hours a day, so really needs it at nursery. I feel the problem is that this particular boy is quite advanced as compared to the rest. He is quite "alpha", he seems annoyed that ds is also liked by a particular member of staff who the boy has a special relationship with. I think he's also annoyed that ds gets to have his mummy there. I don't wish to place too much onus on this kid but he is smart and i personally think he knows saying he is scared of ds will work in his favour... The other kids are ok with ds. Some of the older kids act the same as this boy... He's different... Look at him. I just worry that if i let this go without discussion, I am affirming the view that ds is scary... Which I think could be resolved with talking... This boy is bigger than ds and often takes books or toys off ds and pushes him, he's not scared, he feels threatened.

I assume that the other child is a similar age, if so at 2.5 kids generally say it as they see it.
The nursery should find out from the child what it is that he finds "scary" it may be something completely different & nothing at all to do with your sons patch or behaviour.

In ds1's nursery class there was a little girl that they thought hated painting & would cry every time the paints came out. Turned out she ahted clowns & the paint pots had clown stickers on.
As a child my sister was petrified of ginger people.

Kids are far simpler than us adults i'm sure the child just needs whatever it is that is scaring him explained a little & it will be fine.

Also is it possible that the nursery class didnt continue the conversation with the other child because you & your ds were there, maybe they felt a little awkward.

He's 3.5, not sure if that makes a difference.

I'll speak to the staff and discuss the best way to deal with it. I honestly don't think I'm being precious about ds...

Is this boy perhaps one of the

No, you are certainly not being precious and it is in both childs best interests to be discussed and resolved.

Good luck and keep us informed.

Is this other boy perhaps one of the 4 year olds going up to school in September?
I think your best bet is to just be honest with the nursery, tell them your concerns, (would advise to Always put everything in writing as well as speaking to them, and make a copy for yourself,)
Ask them why the situation wasn't dealt with at the time? Children this age live in the here-and-now so dealing with something 2 hours later means nothing. Perhaps you could ask how staff will ensure that this will not escalate into something more. Other children witnessing this behaviour and copying for example.

Thanks everyone. I won't put it in writing just yet, will have a friendly discussion about how to deal with it if it happens again. Agree, it's a bit late now to being it up with the child who said it. I think it's down to inexperience on my part and on member of staffs part. I just want them to recognise that there needs to be an agreed protocol for dealing with situations like this.