He's started getting aggressive :-(

[pinkyp]

Ds is 4 almost 5 we've suspected asd for around 18months but never felt the need to get him diagnosed until now. He's having 'accidents' all the time (pooing his pants) but rather than tell someone he sorts himself out and I only find out later when he takes his dirty pants off. He 's also started hitting people and today his teacher had a word with me as he's now hitting his best (and only) friend, calling him names and made him cry several times today. He hits his little brother so I cant leave them to play together, he was playing nicely with him once and suddenly decided to pin him down & head butt him in face. We've got a drs appointment to get the ball rolling but we've been told it can often take up to 18 months to get diagnosed. What am i doing wrong? What can I do to help him? I don't know what to do :(

I sent him to bed early (6:30) because he looked shattered but i've just been up to check on him & he was still awake because I forgot to turn his light off.

Hi Pinkyup, sorry to read about this, didn't want you to think no-one was listening, hopefully most other posters are relaxing and enjoying their Friday evenings. I have a lot of sympathy with you as my ds (now 12) started showing problems when he started school although I had realised there was something wrong when he was little. You don't actually need a diagnosis to get help from the school but you are definately correct to pursue this. It did not take me 18 months more like 6 months to get a formal diagnosis but obviously this was 6 years ago so things might well have got worse. I would recommend that you do some reading about ASDs, there are a lot of useful books out there that give useful advice. School is incredibly stressful for our children, my ds was continually having accidents at school.

I don't know how much the school are doing, at the bare minimum your ds will need social skills training and the teachers need to start adopting the usual strategies for dealing with him e.g making sure he can exit the classroom IMMEDIATELY if he needs to go to the loo, is about to have a breakdown etc. The usual disciplinary strategies won't work with ASD kids. One book I found helpful was "when my worries get too big" which was good for anger mangements strategies. Have you discussed this with the SENCO, is he on school action +, has he seen an ed psych yet? To give you some hope, I found my ds's behaviour changed for the better once he started getting more help at school and the school recognised that he had AS. The social skills training in particular was very helpful and these programs will be availble to the senco without needing a statement etc. I would recommend that you urgently ask to speak to the SENCO before the end of term so things can be put in place for next academic year, don't be fobbed off that this can be sorted out next term etc, you might need to be a bit aggressive about this.

This really does sound like a sort of cry for help but I am sure things will improve once your DS is treated appropriately. Good luck with this.

When you go to your GP request that your DS is seen by a developmental peadiatrician.

Start a diary logging every incident or issue at home.

Ask for a home/school book from school. Tell them you are in the process of getting him assessed and the more that is logged the more the proffessionals can look at so please can they keep it up to date for you.

The best you can do right now is look over the net for behaviour strategies for ASD children and try them out.

Also observe rigorously and try to work out what triggers what and what preventative measures you can put in place.

Look for signs he is becoming aggressive and rush to nip it in the bud quick by changing route to something else in play or removing him and changing the subject.

Time outs rarely work but positive reinforcement can. ie ANY time he is nice to his brother, helps you around the house, picks up a toy without being asked, make a big thing about it and reward him with a sticker/token towards a treat. Same could go if he tells you he has had an accident in his pants etc at least if you know instead of finding out to late that would be a huge start.

If things have got bad for him at school both school and your DS are struggling consider applying for a statement of needs. See IPSEA website for info. You dont need a diagnosis to apply for this as it is based on educational need.

Thank you for your replys, he's on school action plan thing they're suppose to review it every term but they don't. Senco have been once last term and they've (school) have not followed there advice as they say it didn't work but I know they haven't tried (visual timetable etc). These things work at home though.

I feel that if he was diagnosed he'd get more help as he's not getting enough help IMO.

I am going to speak to school on Monday about arranging a follow up meeting with senco see if that gives them a kick up the bum.

Hiya OP

DS is 8 with ADHD and asd, and intermittently does have problems with aggression (we follow the advice upthread which does help).

The reason I'm posting is to add one note of hope: if a dc has been unable to interact with their peers, when they get more skilled, sometimes there are new opportunities and frustrations that lead to them hitting out more. Like a NT 3 year old really. So act fast to make sure it doesn't become a habit, but try to remember that, just sometimes, a behaviour problem can actually mean progress.

Look up ABC (antecedent- behaviour- consequence) or STAR (situation- trigger- action- reaction) analysis and start a log yourself, then insist the school uses a similar format.