Help, I am at my wits end with my DD age 6

[MammaTJ]

My DD2 age 6 is a bit of a challenge, shall we say.

She really does want to be good though and just can't help herself. I have just done an ADHD check list, this one, pediatrics.about.com/cs/adhd/l/bl_adhd_quiz.htm and most of them are 'Very often' and the remaing 4 are 'often'. She has started to display these behaviours at school too now and has this week been told that she cannot go to the before school excercise club(when she of all people needs it) because she will not do as she is told.

She is non stop lively, has trouble sleeping. She does have cheeky charm though and has many good points, loving and caring.

I know that if I approach the school they will say that a lot of it is because of her age. She is the youngest in her school year and won't be 7 till August. I just think that a lot of her behaviour is too extreme to put down to her age. The club that she has been banned from has many children the same age and younger, including her younger brother.

Any advice on what to do next would be appreciated. I fear the school will say wait till she is 7, but want to get the ball rolling now really.

I have made an appointment this morning to see the deputy head. She and I have a great relationship and I trust her a lot, but she disagress with me in the brief chat we had this morning. However, my DD did display classic signs in interupting our conversation to say somthing trivial!

She is going to observe her in her 'last' session of the excercise club on Monday morning. Then I am going to see her on Monday afternoon.

Ok, thanks for that. Have just rung the surgery and we could take pot luck this afternoon or have an appointment after school next Thursday with a very thoughful, non dismissive lady doctor.

I have gone for the Thursday appointment.

You may want to take someone with you to look after your DD so you can speak to the GP in private, or at least more calmly if DD is occupied. Get a list of your concerns written down, maybe print off your checklist and put real life examples next to each point. Hopefully GP will just refer you, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared in case they try to get you to 'wait and see.'

I agree withellen, real life examples of behaviours will help to make the GP understand where you are coming from.

If you are seeing differences in the behaviours of your DC's then you should be taken seriously. all children are different and respond differently but I think most mums know when there is something else going on.

Good luck

Hi my dd was 6 when she was diagnosed with ADHD she sounds fairly similar, cheeky, charming but very impulsive and overactive! I went to the GP alone with a list of my concerns and some real life examples such as the time I told her not to touch the hot plate else she would burn herself - she did it anyway! I also discusses how i was concerned her behaviour was starting to lose her friends. GP referred to pead who sent forms to us and school to complete and he diagnosed. We haven't medicated her, she is super focussed on football and martial arts and excells in both.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me!!

I really am at my wits end!! Not overdramatising.

We are currently in the middle of the usual upstairs to bed/downstairs/upstairs ongoing saga that we go through every night.

I have a DD 17 and also helped rbing up my DStD from age 9. I help my friend with their kids too, and have a 5 year old DS, so it's not as if she is my first and I am clueless.

EllenJane I have printed off the list, but did not think about examples. I shall do that before our appointment. I couldn't decide whether to take my DD1 with me to help, which she would willingly, or let the doctor see how damn hard it is to talk with her interupting all the time

Ineedalife definate differences between her behaviour and that of my DD1 and my DS. She was quite a shock after 'perfect' DD1, though DD1s teens were a shock after perfect childhood!!

Chundle my DD has few friends, she is just so 'full on' the others can't deal with her. She doesn't do cooperative play either, tough she is not unkind and has a lot of empathy for people if they are hurt and upset. I know that is unusual in one so young, so it's not all bad.

She is 7 in August and I am aware that referral can take ages, so I am trying to get the ball rolling.

Thanks again

tough though

My daughter was very kind to others that were hurt/upset as well, however when playing with other kids it has to be dds way or no way! She comes across as extremley bossy and has to be in charge of everything!

That's my girl too!!

I know she's lovely but other kids don't see it!

I have bought a couple of good books one called Girls with ADHD and another veryyyy useful book called The Unwritten Rules of Friendship, it explains simple strategies you can explain to your child in simple terms about what they should/shouldn't do/say in situations its very good.

Oh, they sound worth getting. I shall try to get them soon.

Other examples of her behaviour:

I have lipstick and nail varnish all over my landing walls. I put my make up bag on top of the wardrobe, she still climbs and get it.

Food colouring gel (I know, I left it on the kitchen table, but she should know not to touch it, her brother does) Navy blue one spread all over the house!!

The second I pick up the phone, having given the DCs something to occupy them for the duration of the phone call, she demands attention/starts rolling around the floor with her brother. Yes, they both do it, but she instigates it.

Sits down to eat tea and always need the loo.

The teacher has approached me and asked me if she has bladder problems. She is always asking to go to the loo. It is to not have to sit down and concentrate. (teacher looks about 12 BTW)

Haha I'm having a good chuckle about the phone thing! My dd at 8 now still cannot let me have a phone call! She actually seems oblivious I'm on the damn phone and carries on talking right at me - I lock myself in the bathroom now :)

Dd once tried to deface our wall with pen last year - I defaced her justin bieber poster! With dd punishments never ever ever work she simply does NOT care. However when I make her feel how I feel then she understands and does not repeat the behaviour - Justin bieber looked much better with a moustache and glasses btw.
Good luck with the GP tell him about any sleep problems as well and let us know how you get on

It is a her, and I have seen her re sleep/depression recently myself.

I think it won't be hard for her to connect the two!!

I don't have the heart to do the destruction of her stuff (yet) though I can see the benefits!!

Chundle I think I may be PMing you in the very near future. Hope that is ok!

My Dd1 was destructive like yours mamma and she did the hob touching thing.

We didnt manage to get a dx for her in the end. The proffs decided after 5 years of fannying around that they were going to blame my parenting. this was a long time ago though and things have moved on.

I think she probably has Aspergers and ADHD and Dd3 has ASD and lots of other issues but no hyperactivity and not destructive like Dd1.

The key to disipline IMO is to find their currency. Whatever means the most to them, they lose for whatever length of time you see fit.

Dd1 craved attention so I used to send her to her room if she was being a real pain. She did trash it a few times but generally she got the message that whatever she was doing wasnt acceptable.

Try a wobble cushion for the dining chair, if she is sensory seeking she will get feedback through the cushion and it should help with the fidgeting.

Some children use them at school too and get good results.

good luck

No probs mamma I'm usually on here every day! I agree with mamma you have to find what means the most to them and use that as a punishment.

Oh yeah, kind of found that!! Time out really hurts!!! as in oh my fucking god my parents have really shut down also threats to smack her bro for stuff she has done,

Ineedalife what is a wobble cushion?

Wobble cushion We use these at my MS primary school for children who struggle to sit still. I think the idea is they have to constantly shift their weight about to balance and so it paradoxically keeps them fairly still.

Thanks!

Just re read what I wrote last night. Think that sounds really bad that I threaten to smack my innocent DS. I say I will smack him then when there is a tiny bit of doubt about who the guilty party is but I am fairly sure it is her. She would admit it fairly quickly and get time out.

Well I should say I used to. I have recently adopted my mums policy of telling us that she could see white spots in our eye if we lied to her. My DD now tries to keep her eyes shut if she is not telling the truth!!

Sorry knackered last night but ellen is right about the wobble cushion, they get constant sensory feedback from them and so they dont need to be up and down all the time. We find a massive difference at meal times if Dd3 is on hers.

Great plan for the lying though, i have never yet worked out how to tell if Dd1 is lying, she still does it now and she is 23!!.

Dd3 is absolutely rubbish at lying and doesnt bother to try very often.

I like the sound of it, but wonder if I would be able to borrow one to try at some point. Will investigate that.

As for the lying, the little monsters almost beat me today. I have been out for the day. Left kids at home with the Daddy one.

I had a cake to have ready for 7 pm and knew it would be touch and go. Made the cake yesterday, made the icing, made the decoration. Just had to get home and throw it all togther before delivering it to the restaurant. Well, got home and found most of the chocolate butter icing had gone. Wondered why DD had been sick in the car!! Chocolate coloured sick. She had been at great pains to tell me about her brother having had chocolate on his face earlier.

Anyway, wasn't here at the time, so hadn't investigated. DP didn't know I had made the choc butter icing, so didn't know to look for it.

I asked them each, looking in to their eyes. They both said no, they hadn't eaten it, loooking straight at me. Then, just as I was trying to think fast to deliver the verdict, it dawned on me, it was both of them!! They had been telling the truth, it wasn't just either one of them, so they could look me in the eyes without fear!! Clever little so and sos!!

They will be in fear of mummys powers now, I could tell!!!

So, had meeting with deputy head. She seems to think my DD is not a problem. She had investigated the club and she has not been thron out as such, just asked not to go atm as she has not been joining in. She is going to go to class and do some observation on her. The reason I have gone to Dep Head rather than teacher is that the teacher looks about 12 and I don't really know her.

Been to docs and she is newish to the surgery. She has said she will look in to referal and let me know.

Ho hum!

thron thrown