Fuming with DD residential school

[colettemum3]

DD currently attends a 'weekly' residential school. She is actually leaving this term as she hates it there and after 3 years we have lost complete trust and faith in that school.

The only thing that is keeping DD in school is me ringing her up every evening and chatting to her and going over any issues that has occurred that day. So roughly 30 -40 mins (although 15 mins on Tuesday as she goes to a club). Started doing this after an incident happened last October.

It's the one number, which then gets put through to an extension. Since the school had been informed that DD was leaving they have been telling her to cut down on the length of her phonecalls and i can hear them telling her in the background telling her to hang up or just 5 more minutes. There is plenty of extensions so i don't buy the so and so needs to use it.

The school is in a bad area for mobiles, and she did have one but never turned it on, hence us ringing her.

I am just fuming with her school as apparently one of her targets this term she told me tonight is to spend less time on the phone.

Another one is to stop nibbling her toast.

I am really wanting to email school but my husband is saying wait until they contact us over it. They won't as they are a bunch of cowards who just like to bully her and i wonder how much more she can take.

Getting to the point where i just want to go down there, demand her suitcases and pack all her stuff up and leave. She scheduled to leave a week early anyway as last week there, will be no use to her.

Obviously I don't know your dd, but from a staff POV 30-40 minutes on the phone to you would have a significant impact on evening activities.

For example, i used to try and offer offsite swimming once a week, so if your dd was refusing this "because Mum's going to ring" I would see this as detrimental to her (refusing because they hated swimming, didn't fancy going out, or had chose a different activity were all fine!) Ditto if the call would interrupt something like a quiz night or cooking activity. Or if she's refusing/too anxious to take part because of the phone call.

What's her behaviour like before and after calls? If she's displaying challenging behaviour (which might not be serious enough to tell you about if she's either withdrawing to her room or slightly more argumentative) that would make phone calls a target for a PDP.

They should have discussed this with you first, though. I can see why you're unhappy with her care!

Hope this is useful. I'm not trying to negate your experiences, just interpret things from a staff point of view...

I will have a word tonight if i'm stopping her from doing any activities but normally all activities have finished by the time i phone. In fact i think she's the most activity driven child there. She does so many that her key worker has complained a few times at the AR'S.

The thing is.... is that they hardly ever inform me what her behaviour is like. It's only when it comes round to annual review that i get told that she's tearful and cries alot. That she always by herself at playtimes etc. The main reason why she went there was to learn how to socialize and after 3 years that hasn't happened.

The staff have tried in the past to make her responsible for looking after play time toys and just recently i found out that the other children were deliberately making her life more difficult by throwing the toys on top of roof, breaking them etc.

Before October i thought that she was ok and was just ringing her every other day.

Any special activities, the parents are told about in advance like a trip out to a pizza place or bowling.

But otherwise this is what i get from school once a week,
"Hello DD family,

DD has settled back OK. She went to Judo on Monday and Athletics yesterday. This Thursday is the Summer Disco and next Tuesday is our trip to Pizza Express. "

"DD has attended most of her usual clubs. She missed Athletics yesterday as she was invited to Alex?s birthday supper. They had Dominoes Pizza. This gave DD a longer time at the Remote Control Car club which she was pleased about."

"Hi,
DD continues to keep herself busy with her regular evening activities. She has also managed to fit in some time to relax with music and DVD?s."

She is normally during class time very well behaved so i'm led to believe. But since the end of last year she is losing her tolerance to stunts and the attitudes that the school staff and carers pull on not just her but the other students and the parents.

After 3 years they don't know her, they don't understand her, but anyway it's only 8 more school nights and then she's left so why can't they just get off her back and leave her alone.

That is exceedingly shit! Who's her key worker? Their LM needs a new arsehole torn

PP, It's not just the care side, quite a few things happened in school time as well and the last straw, although these last straws weren't as serious as previous stunts/cover up it was enough for me to ring my LEA up and say pull her out (and i hate my LEA).

We were given a link from school for an Ofsted form that the children had to fill in on the Friday, following Monday in class the children were given the forms. DD told them she done one already, got told to fill it out again. My DD felt bullied as staff was looking over her shoulder when she was trying to fill it out and commenting "that's not very nice!" so she felt that she couldn't express her feelings properly and she mentioned at a later date that they finished filling in her form.

Then that Friday she came home with a list of options that she could do. She had to pick 2 and we only liked 1 so i emailed the teacher and asked wherever or not she could just do the one and use the 'spare' time to revise. Got a basic email back from her teacher saying that he had forwarded it on to the deputy head who would explain why they couldn't.

So the deputy head ignored the email (which is apparently is the norm, i've learnt from another parent) a couple of days later i ring DD up as normal to have her fuming down the phone. Her teacher and her ?salt sat her down and MADE her pick a second option. DESPITE the fact that she still had a month to decide!!

Oh the other key worker had a word with my DD last night after she got off the phone and moaned saying that a couple of other girls had to go downstairs. (So what!!! That could of happened within 2 mins of DD being on the phone to me)
DD told her "to contact us" and the keyworker said "no you!" tried to shake DD hand. DD refused!!

DD used to be so placid but she cannot stand the school now and she is becoming rather vocal about it. Thankfully she's only has half a week next week as she's visiting her new school :D

Just don't send her back. What are they going to do, ring up and shout at you?!

Sending you a pm

You have one back :)

I think my DD is enjoying the fact that she's leaving as she's telling all the other children. She's making little songs up and says she singing them in the common room and in the dorm.

Just realized it's sports day there today..... i wonder how many parents are going to ask her why she's leaving. I just hope that she give's a better answer then the fact that the food is rubbish and that they are starving her.

DD is a very energetic size 6/8. Who has a big appetite and i mean big. (but slightly fussy one).

The school also in to that 'healthy eating' and use no salt at all. Which hence last March, when she came home one weekend, she caught the stomach bug of my hubby and I who had it for the last few days. Vomited, keeled over and ended up in hospital.
Apparently she had low BP and her blood test came back with low salt.

My daughter as i mentioned before is extremely active and does sweat. So can you put the dots together???

The school reluctantly for a few weeks allowed her a salt shaker. Also i found out that gatorade has electrolytes in so got her some for her to drink after doing sports.

Also as she know she's leaving, she's starting to stand up for her self more, and is finally getting the respect from the boys (too little too late). Mainly because she tackles the stuffing out of them on the playing fields and also because a month ago she beat a lad up who had previously gropped her a couple of times.

She did it when they were playing football and got away with it, in fact it was the lad that got sent off the field.

I know i worry about her, unless she is extremely angry or in tears she can handle the last few days, it just us the family who can't. It's starting to give her a back bone which is what we been wanting for her the last few years.