So ds1 (7) is 30 minutes into a screaming fit because ...

[LargeLatte]

... there was a Match Attax card in the packet that he already had.

Looks like this could go on for some time.

Just pouring myself some wine.

And wondering if he will still be behaving like this when he is 22?

Not brave enough to post in 'parenting' - they would crucify me.

Staying here where you're all nice and know what life is like with a 'sensitive child'.

Time for ?

I would go for and chocolate if I were you.

Can you shut the door/wear some headphones/go in the garden

So long as he isn't endangering himself or anyone else.

I have a 23 yr old who still has the odd tantrum, but it is rare and now she doesnt live with me I dont see many of them.

Definitely stay here where it is safe

Oh and I hope he gets the right card next time!!

Almost 2 and a half hours in and still going.

Sadly he is a danger to himself and anyone around him so I can't ignore him. It is also very distressing for ds2 (5)

He's almost out of energy now though so should fall asleep soon.

Wine is helping, as is keeping half an eye on the football to distract me from my inner despair.

Thanks for keeping me company.

Wow that's a meltdown! Have some more

Oh I had one of those days today too lol. DS only had 17 pieces of chewing gum in his box that usually always contains 20. I buy it each week and he works out 3 a day apart from day 7 where it doesnt matter because mum buys the new box then lol and he pinches one of mine to make it up to 21.

Offered him some of mine but OHHHHH NOOOO thats not the point!

It lasted 1hr 35 minutes before I handed him a big broom and dragged him out with me to take it out on sweeping the garden! (no bristles left on my broom though)

Oh coff33 I can just imagine you glancing across and noticing there was less than 20 then bracing yourself for the result.

Off to google more exciting ways to intervene before he gets too violent and too far into the tantrum to recover.

I think you could say inside my mind was a little drums roll just waiting...............

deterents I have used:

Broom defo good on the vestibular plus anger management.

Scissors (or secaturs with mum) permission to trim 3 bushes allocated for this manic haircutting purpose!

Change of course in saying get your scooters guys I got to go to the shop and the zooming takes it all away.

Have on occasion just purely started a pillow fight for the hell of it which starts off pretty "mum quit it!" to hysterical laughter.

Saying "oh noooo oh really? oh dear" and letting him stomp around and shout whilst hurredly running a bath with the biggest bubbles I can muster and dumping him in it clothes and all

Thanks or the tips. I think next time I can sense one brewing I'm going to walk away and do something unexpected like just start blowing bubbles, or playing catch on my own. Pretty sure he'll follow me if I walk away as its all for show.

For the tips not or. Bloody iPad. Grrrr.

writing down coffees ideas.

Well that was an interesting morning. He still wanted to pick a fight and kept asking over and over for his Match Attax book (confiscated last night, to be returned at weekend). Ds2 woke up will so didn't have the time or energy to fight ds1 so decided to just pretend it wasn't happening and completely ignore it. I said one time 'you can have it back at the weekend' and then just carried on the morning he sulked, then pretended it had never happened- result.

Well done good result! :)

Our day hasnt gone very well thanks to the ASD Team. Who were supposed to be coming this afternoon. Geared DS up for it and how nice they were and gave him a job of picking nice sponge cake and take out plates ready and cups incase they want tea (he likes to start off making the tea before I deal with the water)

Then low and behold they didnt come as one is sick..................

Fireworks reigned as they promised to come see his dog as far as he was concerned the last time they spoke briefly. So I handed him his scooter and opened the front door and he is zooming around outside at present cooling off

So when you hand over the scooter are there any words spoken ir is this the signal that you need to go and cool off and he just does it?

I am really intrigued by this.

I can usually see a mile off when a tantrum is brewing but any attempts to help him work through it just make it worse. But I guess that is because I would say we were trying to calm down and that just winds him up more iyswim.

I suppose that makes sense because if dh ever tells me to calm down or that I seem stressed that does just make me want to murder him slowly with a cheese grater, so I can see why it might annoy ds1.

Now to think of something energetic and calming that I can give him to do that requires no instruction to do it, and he will want to do even when the red mist is upon him.

Oh and sorry you were let down coff33pot - its all the worse when its people who know how hard it is for your dc.

Sorry LargeLatte I missed this yesterday and having had net problems all day today.

It has taken us a good 12 months to be honest to work out what we were doing wrong.

We spent/still spend a lot of time concentrating on the emotions and making ds aware of how we are all feeling. ie Mum is stressed right now, Dad is oh so tired look at his sleepy face, DD is happy! she won an award see her dancing! ANYTHING that portrays an emotional feeling just in general convo. Plus if we are talking to DS we point out how he is feeling. We used the senario of him having a volcano in his tummy that is rumbling away and the more angry he was feeling the more the volcano erupted. Told him it was good to realise it was rumbling at the start because we have a chance to put the volcano out. If we dont then what happens is DS would be even more sad and so would everyone else because once the volcano burst bad things happen that no one wants to see.

We showed him a picture of volcanos on a kids education site so he could see a silent (happy volcano) and an angry (exploding volcano) which everyone ran away from.

As a family we all played a part in it. Anyone who was stressed said so and said what they needed to do. ie DD needs to walk fast and so she says I MUST go for that walk to chill out my volcano! DH has to lie down on the sofa with his ipod on so he just plainly says I am so stressed today I need to have a lie down and does it. Middle dd chose to say she likes to chill out in her room with her DS to get rid of her volcano. ME? I like to slam and bang and clean LOL but I cant do that now So I like to run on the beach with the dog instead.

The biggest issue we all had was biting our tongues as yes all families rant and rave at each other especially sisters but all raised voices do is wind DS up further and also it meant we were not setting the example we wanted from him.

We just kept doing it and when DS was stressed or we could see it happening we just make a point of saying uh o someones volcano isnt too happy lets try to sort it out.

We worked out with DS that he is energy bound. He is hyper anyway plus he gets sensory overloaded. Now he regulates himself sometimes and you can tell by his body posture if he needs chill out in his room due to sensory overdone or he is angry and needs to burn it off.

He has bypassed volcano now and will say he is "confused" or "mad" and he has seemed to learn to copy us in what we choose to calm down in iyswim.

So now yes I just pass the scooter and open the door lol if he doesnt want it he wont take it and shout DOH! and run up to his room for a shut down moment instead.

NOT always works I might add!

oh boy! sorry for the book!

Epic post but very useful information. You really should write a book.

Its reassuring to hear how much effort and time it took to get than far, otherwise after a couple of failed attempts I'd be giving up.

yessss I tend to waffle in the early hours when no one is up!

Its all trial and error though isnt it. Frustrating too when something works one day but just makes it worse the next.

All I keep telling myself is that even if DS is not going to plan he is still watching us and our reactions to things. (I have a hard time in this and regularly walk up stairs and pull my hair out behind the bedroom door before resembling the self control face again )

Diary notes of what did work or didnt also helps. I jot in an old pad "dont try that again!" quite often. but sometimes you see a pattern form not just in a behavioural way but in triggers to avoid too.

Coff33pot, I am taking so much from lots of what you write here. We haven't really told DD what she has yet (although we haven talked about being a bit different and working together to understand her and help her).

While we were waiting for formal dx (but had working dx of As and ADHD), I got a book called "Red Beast", which worked on a similar principal to the volcano. DD does seem to understand that quite well, and she sometimes asks for that as her bedtime story. But we've also talked about it a fair bit, and I am learning to say that when I am overloaded (and I really am at the minute as too much going on in RL quite apart from DD's needs), that I know my red beast is going to wake up much easier than usual and we want to keep it asleep - she has started to actually pull in her horns a bit when she hears me say that.

(I am also, really, trying to work on not using euphamisms (like "pull in your horns", or "bag of rats") when talking to her as she does take things extremely literally at times....)