Help! DD's screaming at bed time for 3 f***ing hours!

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Hi

Was hoping that this was just a phase, but it's been going on for several weeks now and if anything it's getting worse.

Me and dp have been lucky in the past because DD used to go to bed really well. I have no idea where this latest drama has come from.

It's got to the stage where i don't dare to go to the shops even, after putting her to bed. We put her down at 7:45, which is 45 mins later than before as we thought that maybe with her getting oler, we should let her stay up a bit longer and maybe that's why she's getting upset/agitated at bed time. It's made no difference whatsoever!

We have about 5 mins quiet when we put her down initially and then after that it's shouting, screaming, hitting, crying uncontrolably(me included sometimes) and I really feel at breaking point with it. I dared go out to see a friend last night who's pregnant and just found out that her partner is planning to leave her. I got a phone call 20 mins after arriving at hers saying that she was so upsetting that she was making herself sick with how worked up she was getting. You can imagine how awful I felt for my friend when I had to leave her mid tears and mid opening up everything to me. On the drive home, I found myself resenting DD and Dp a little. Could he really not handle it for ONE night?! By the time I got home DP was just sitting at the bottom of her bed with his hands over his ears to block out the screaming. A lot of the time she screams purely because she knows how much we hate it, rather than actually genuinely being upset iyswim.

I told her that she wouldn't be getting her end of week treat which was a magazine this time, but I dont' even think she's that bothered. She's a self soother and will probably just think to herself it's ok i'll get XYZ instead. For example at school a few weeks ago, she missed a playtime for scribbling on another dc's work and her reaction was "it's ok, i've got 2 playtimes left!"

I don't know what to do to stop this! We're at the end of our tether. We don't have any time where we can just have an evening together because we're always called back if we go out. We're so exhaused by it all that as soon as she's asleep, we just go to bed.

Please!! Any advice/tips would be greatfully appreciated!

TIA

sorry gratefully

How old is she? Can she articulate pain/discomfort to you?

We had some problems with Ds1 sleep, he is non verbal and in his case the problems were physical.

She's 5. She can articulate, but when she gets to that point, she kind of zones out and forgets why she's upset in the first place. It's not always physical, but it can be. Like I say it usually starts with screaming/shouting/growling, but if she really loses it she'll hit/scratch and her latest is to try and bite my face! The latter is quite rare though.

I don't know what method to use. Ideally, we'd like to nip it in the bud, before it gets to that point, but if that isn't happening, then I don't know what kind of punishments to use when nothing seems to bother her.

Have a google of PDA. Whether it applies to her or not, it's a fresh way of looking at things and might give you some ideas for keeping yourselves calmer and thinking about meltdowns as panic attacks.

In the meantime, how about some sort of magic medicine placebo like Bach's Rescue Remedy to begin a new system or distract her when she's getting more edgy.

zzzz, before bedtime we have pretty much done the same since she was 3. Has a bath(usually) around 6, then a little play with me or dp, sometimes both and then a 5 minute warning, then a 2 minute warning, then teeth, then story, then bed.

Yes, she's eating well. Very fussy, but overall nothing has changed.

She's able to tell me if she's hurting, sad, hot or cold so I really don't think it's any of the above which you mentioned.

She's always got her favourite toy and will usually chose a different one every other night.

I would say she's rather restless in the morning. I guess she's bound to be when she's getting 3 hours less sleep. It's always a mad dash to the school gates which are usually about to be locked

I've bought a star chart today, so fingers crossed that works. Has anyone got any experience with these charts?

I'm absolutely dreading bedtime tonight. Will me and dp actually have an evening atall? I've already got a headache just thinking about what we most likely have ahead again.

silk, thanks for the advice!

This might be insane at first but you could try all getting up half an hour earlier. You could have a nice leisurely breakfast, less rushing and all start in a better mood for the day. Coupled with a change of after school scenery maybe the first day you try it - go for a swim or something, it might just tip her over the edge to bed-attraction. If it worked, the next night you could talk about the nice feeling it was to snuggle into bed etc.

Anyway, good luck.