I need some advice....

[TapasGirl]

OK. For some time now I have been concerned about by DS (10). He seems to upset his peers by saying the wrong thing. I have had many parents going into the school complaining that he has upset (mainly) sons but have had a girl too. When DS and I talk to him about it (also the head) he denies everything and maintains that they are equally as horrible to him. The school are little help and don't even involve us half the time and I hear about it from other parents, who have said some awful things about him e.g. 'special', 'werido;' etc. The parents seem to look down their noses at us which is very depressing.

He seems to have a language problem and the school have asked us to see a SALT. His comprehension is very bad when recalling information in a story.

I have spoken to a SALT who wants a fortune (c£300) to assess him. She has also said that high level? language problems should really be picked up at 6/7 years old. School have also suggested I get another (had one when he was 7) Ed Psych report which is also going to cost hundreds of pounds.

TBH I am more concerned about the social side of what is going on and am concerned that if I spend all of this money on him being assessed by SALT and Ed Psych we're not really going to get to the bottom of the social issues. Also if there is a problem socially what can be done about it.

I get different information from all areas of his school. Mainly saying he is a lovely (bit quirky as one teacher kindly put it!!) boy.

He is very sporty which is his saviour but can anyone give me some guidance as to a)if he has a condition what it could be and b) what can we do going forward.

Sorry if I'm all over the place but that is basically how I am. I actually feel as if I am not part of school life because my child does not conform to their wish list of a desirable child.

If he does have difficulties understanding language, that willl affect his social skills/confidence, so improving one should help to a degree with the other. TBH £300 doesn't sound outrageous for an assessment, particularly if this involves more than one visit/observation (we paid £150 5 years ago for private SALT assessment). Bear in mind the salt assessment should also include a programme for what you can work on at home with him to help him progress.

In terms of condition, as a very broad brush, I would suggest you read a little on language disorder, aspergers syndrome, auditory processing disorder, dyspraxia and ADHD.

I would also get a hearing test for him as well, to rule out any physical cause for difficulties understanding.

can I just check that your child is at private school or outside UK? just asking because in UK state schools you wouldn't tend to be advised to go private in first instance (might end up doing it because of massive NHS waiting lists, mind....)

Thanks for your messages so far.
TLP - would you opt for a SALT assessment before an ED Psych at this stage? We cannot do both privately and NHS waiting will be long. He is at private school currently but we are wondering if this is worth it going forward as perhaps he would get more help in state?

I only ever had dealings with state EP (wasn't particularly impressed) so I couldn't give a fair view. Did you feel the previous EP report was helpful/value for money?

LP - his last report was pretty poor and his school were uncertain whether long term they would be able to support him. His IQ was extremely low. The school now say that the report does not reflect his ability and feel that it must have been a bad day. This feedback was positive for us but puts me off getting another report. I don't want to keep throwing good money after bad.

LD - sorry have you something constructive you want to help with here or just comparing costs. I am not in a good place at the moment and need positive guidance.

yes, I think Leonie was trying to help, and meant by implication that £300 wasn't an unreasonable figure for SALT assessment.

absolutely agree with zzz about investigating position re:NHS referrals. you may also want to consider some sort of paediatrician referral as well (SALT and ed psych's don't diagnose).

Thanks for all your help.

Leonie, please accept my apologies for being unkind I never meant to be so harsh. I'm just really angsty (sp??) about DS I suppose. I keep getting conflicting advice from school depending on who I speak to. It's not that I'm opposed to paying for help of course not but I just want to be sure I'm going in the right direction and not wasting time.

I would be thinking SALT...through school or GP referral...

Social stories ....and sequencing practice of any kind is good...even just to be able to see what his ability with this is and maybe build things up from there...

In my experience...if there are parents 'looking down their noses' and comments are being made then their children overhear things and jump on the wagon...it could also very well be that your DS is trying to give as good as he may be getting. If afterwards when questioned about things, cannot sequence the who said what and did, etc then he's going to be the one in trouble and has little defence...he may not be lying but may be more to do with feeling....it's me again, I must be the naughty one...not able to defend himself against other DC's who can maybe wriggle, and explain themselves as innocent victims more easily....and therefore he is taking the blame and getting the row when he shouldn't be....it's a hard one to turn a corner on though...

Likewise during testing situations...he may not be able to focus well and so can't demonstrate his ability....or the format is very difficult for him to access and respond to...I can't say much about this without knowing how he is managing class work with the different subjects....memory and retaining information, etc