Does your Autistic child have friends?

[Eulalia]

ds is 6.5 with HFA. The issue of friends and playmates is a real problem at the moment. ds is desparate for friends, to visit people's houses and in general just for someone else to be there for him. At the moment he goes to after school club twice a week but he has no friends there. They are all people from the next village becasue that is where the club is. His own school is a tiny village school and all the kids play with each other. Any attempts at taking him to others houses has usually been a disaster.

Weekends are hard and I try to do as much as possible with him. We've been awarded a few hours DP for a carer but no-one has applied for the job yet (hard to get people in rural areas).

Just wondering what others do for friendships/clubs etc. Its frustrating as ds seems to have all the wants of a freind you'd expect from an NT child but absolutely zero ability to maintain a friendship :( For anyone with older children, will he get over this phase and develop his own interests once he is more capapable of doing things for himself, ie reading, playing on computer etc?

Thanks

I know how heartbreaking this is, especially when you watch NT children make friendships with such ease. My ds is very much like yours, he's heard about school friends going round to each others houses for tea, or parties at the weekends, but he's never invited. He does go to a SN playscheme but when I ask if he's made any friends, he replies that he doesn't know. We do have an 8 year old girl next door neighbour that pops round from time to time, but it seems that she's more interested in his toys rather than playing with ds, but I can't complain, if she didn't come round then ds wouldn't have anyone.
When he's older I do hope he could perhaps make friends via the computer on subjects he feels comfortable discussing. I know it's not ideal, but TBH I chat much more on here, than I do with RL friends anyway. But like yourself I would really love for him to have a proper friend.

I know it doesn't help, But I do wonder if this is a problem that goes across sn. My dd has cp and having friends round is such a problem as you have to have the parent as well(nothing against the parent!) so it has to be so organsed. she loves what I call walking/talking children but they come for a while then move on.
just wanted you to know your not alone.

My son is 5 with SPD and high functioning autism. Same problem and my heart breaks for him. I have seen kids at school try and play with him and be friendly, but its only a matter of minutes before they give up on him and move on. Even though he can't relate to other kids I know he wants friends badly. I just hope we can find another little boy his age maybe with a similar diagnosis/problems relating to others and get them together.

going through this too and it rips your heart out. My ds is 7 with lot of siblings so he has a built in friendship network at home. Also, he is fine with cousins who unfortunately don't live close. Do you ahve any family with kids the same age, my ds seems to relate well to his cousins. It has improved as he progresses. The kids do like him his teacher says, he just can't seem to relate to them but no one is mean to him. Invites are not common but sometimes a birthday party because the whole class is invited and that makes him feel happy. We have been seeing a child psychologist for a school assessment and I mentioned his difficulty with friends. He said the best thing is to support him at home as it seems you do, put him where he is best to have success, ex, not football if sports is not his thing, but maybe a board game/chess club, computer club etc. Also, talk to him after a social event and talk about what worked, what didn't and if it went badly, talk about why and how it could go differntly. As your ds ages, you will be able to dicuss these things at a higher level. I find we can now discuss things like giving other kdis personal space, how to start a converstation, eye contact, etc. It's like teaching him the rules of social engagement that don't come naturally. Sounds like youare doing everything right and despite the heartache, dh and I have found progress iwth our ds who is now almost 8. I have no illusions it will always be a struggle but I did read as they get into later teen years, kids find peer groups they can fit into that don't require everyone to be the same as in the early years.

Thanks everyone. Christie - does seem as if there is some hope for when he's a bit older and able to play games. At the moment he doesn't understand the rules of football or board games. No cousins his age unfortunately - the nearest is 14 and the rest much older. However we do have some of the village kids round from time to time - one a girl who is 10 and a boy of 12. Its difficult as they often want to do their own thing or are busy with their own social life. Fortunately at the moment he doesn't mind having adults as friends and so if we have our own friends round it helps or if we go out with my sister for example. He loves his little baby brother and the relationship with his sister can be good at times but he does tend to hit her a lot.

DS has one friend on our street, a boy whois similar to him in fact his mum told me she thinks he could be ASD as well as DS.

They get on fine except when they start playing on the playstation as they both like to control the game, then theres lots of shouting and screaming and the other week DS attacked him

All the other boys on the street dont bother with DS they tend to use him as a punch bag(in the past) i dont let him play out much now as he gets bullied.

He thinks everyone is his friend and doesnt understand when someone is picking on him.

DS1 is 6 , we thought AS but Paediatrican has raised HFA also.

He has one sort of friend, although I suspect that friend has latched onto DS rather than the other way round. DS sort of stands there looking tolerant, which I guess he wouldn't if he didn't like him.

Friend's mum is a little scatty though and although constantly suggesting a get together has not happened yet.

He does get to go to parties as theya re class-wide so far, but that is dropping off so i feel as i think he'll miss out somewhat.

DS does have one advantage: he's rather gorgeous so all the girls adore him, I think his aloofness adds to that. They even sigh when he walks past- six year old girls! Not in my day .

So although relatively friendless, he's always being chased by a gang wanting to play kiss chase.

Peachychair, your son sounds just like mine (HFA). He is really gorgeous if I do say so myself and the little girls in his class are always trying to kiss him and stuff. Its so funny. The other day a little girl in his class came up to me and said "why doesn't Noah like me?" I told her that he does but its hard for him to show it and sometimes he feels uncomfortable around other children.

- hilarious isn't it?

Eulalia, this is my major concern with my DS1 (also 6.5) atm. He has one friend in his class, who is very sweet but selective mute, and sometimes I wish DS1 could just have another friend in his class who had slightly more to offer him. He was friendly with a couple of the girls in his class but they're not friendly to him any more and he won't tell me why . We did have one of them and her younger sister round on a playdate a few weeks ago, but that doesn't seem to have helped, quite the reverse. He has been friendly, on and off, with another child in his class, and recently DH invited that child round to play, but he never came and now DS1 says this boy doesn't want to be his friend either. Like yours, DS1 is desperate to go to people's houses and parties and things. We are just very fortunate in that DS2 (aged 4, not autistic) is his best friend and they play togethr all the time they are at home.

I don't have anything useful to say really, but there are times when it gets me down.

Ds1 (5.5yrs) doesn't have friends round but his teacher tells me that he has a group of friends at school. I must admit that I thought she was just trying to make me feel better but having seen it for myself I think she was actually telling the truth.

I don't think he has a best friend as such. I don't think he relates to other children in that way tbh. I only found out very recently, for example, that a boy he got on well with had actually left school months ago. Ds1 didn't think it was worth mentioning. He tends not to get too attached to individuals but enjoys running around with a small group. I've also noticed that he seems to be popular with a few of the girls.

His school has a couple of after-school clubs for his age-group but only for things that ds1 doesn't like (dance club and a sports club). I'm hoping the choice will be greater as he gets older and he will find something he wants to join.