Suspecting DS2's preschool is not doing all they can to help him wwyd

[Toni27]

My son is 3y 4m old and has very delayed language skills, his speech lady said she thinks his understanding and talking is behind by about 2 years. I would say he is not that far behind more like 18 months, so still a lot.
He attends our village preschool which has been good for our daughter who has no learning difficulties. He has been going there since he was 2 and a half. I have always suspected that they are a bit lazy down there and only do the bare minimum with our son that they legally have to do, eg his IPP which is checked by the SENCO lady regularily but they never tell me anything that hes been doing in a session and his learning diary is just detailed descriptions of his temper tantrums where he throws himself on the floor and yells when he cant do what he wants to do. I cried when I read his learning diary as it was painting such a bad picture of our son who is very loving and caring, hes like a little cherub, so affectionate and does not have a nasty bone in his body. Just very behind.
I started him at a second nursery outside of where we live for one afternoon a week in January after hearing good reports about it and they have worked so hard with our son. they adore him and his learning diary is so full, and all good positive things about all the excellent progress he has made.
We have booked him in to do 3 full days there in September. Now I am being asked to put in for sessions in the village preschool for September as well.
I do feel that the nursery is the best place for him to go, and am so tempted just to keep him there, but Im in a dilemma as our village preschool is attached to the primary school where we are hoping our son will eventually go, and Im worried that if he doesnt go to the preschool he will go up not knowing anyone and they also wont know him, and his problems. But I dont think they are doing a very good job in the preschool.
What would you do? Send him to the excellent nursery only, and hope that he makes new friends when he starts primary school? Or put him in the preschool for a couple of mornings a week even though they arent that great and seem to not care much for my son incase he makes friends there and is familiar with the school environment?
Sorry for the long post its been on my mind so much today, cos they want me to put in for september sessions at the village preschool this week.
Thanks x

Take him out without doubt. I should have done it with my ds a year ago I regret not doing so much.

I think consistency at the excellent nursery will be more beneficial than messing him about with a few sessions at the poor local preschool. TBH, if he can make good progress at the nursery, he may make better friends at school in the long run, without them remembering his current challenging behaviour.

put him in the excellent place, i also regret not doing this with ds... i'm sure there will be a few kids from the excellent nursery moving up with your ds

It will not matter at all that he hasn't been in the playgroup in his pre-school year, when he starts Reception. Children and friendships at this age are very fluid. However, it will make a big difference if he has been helped to develop his language skills, and learn to control the tantrums, so I'd definitely use the time at the Nursery.

Thanks so much guys thats really helpful. I had a chat with my fiance (our sons dad) and we are going to use just the excellent nursery next year. Thanks again, you have reassured me we are doing the right thing XXX

Oh just put him in the nursery. It's a significant amount of time to get right (or get wrong), and early intervention is so important.

You'll deal with the next stage when it comes, with hopefully, a more advanced and confident ds than you would have otherwise.