Just a self-pitying thread really, because I've been tying myself up in knots this morning, am sitting here crying and I need to pull myself together, get dd out of the bath that she's been happily playing in for an hour and somehow be smiley mummy in time for toddler group.
Ds1 is really struggling with end of year transition this year. He always struggles, last year we had two weeks straight of him sobbing literally all day every day at school. This year things have moved up a notch because he knows that, after this, he only has one year left at the school and is distressed and terrified about all the change. I am beyond scared about how he's going to handle the end of next year, but have had to stop myself even thinking about that one for the moment.
He has been a nightmare to live with, on a hair trigger, hypersensitive to any noise or movement his sister and brother make most of the time, yet not really there when you try to communicate with him - lots of zone outs etc. He's also become a lot more rigid in absolutely everything, obviously trying to take some control over his life. His teacher says she has never known him like this and now sees what we have been describing when he has been struggling, but only showing it at home.
He has been getting more and more angry with increasing outbursts and told me tearfully last week that he is scared of his own rage and particularly that he isn't in control of himself when he gets that angry. He's frightened he is going to hit another child in anger. 
His outreacher teacher on the other hand says he is telling her everything is fine and she only finds out about problems from myself and his teacher. I have asked him about this and he says that he blocks it all out in her sessions because he likes her and wants to have a nice happy time and not get upset.
He is stimming and tic-ing and we are now seeing a resurgence of the reflux he had when he had a breakdown transitioning from infants to junior. (Throwing up mouthfuls of food at mealtimes, plus sore throat and painful chest due to the acid.) He's also back to daily upset stomachs, endless trips to the toilet and spending ages on there.
We are trying to keep a dialogue going with him and encourage him to talk to us so we can try and help, but I don't know if it's actually making it worse for him. Yet when he bottles it up, it makes him so hard to live with that we all suffer - especially his siblings.
It feels like such a long road this time, moving from this year with teachers he loves, into his final year at the school - so everything will be a 'last time at this school' event and then into secondary transition. I am really scared for his mental health through it all and at the same time having to fight the b'std LEA on appeal to get the support that he's going to need if he's going to stand any chance of surviving it. So, he's going to be halfway through his final year before we have it all sorted and that's if the appeal goes our way. 
No need to reply folks, just wanted to get it out so I can get on with my week - which is itself shitty for many and varied reasons.
Right, better go and prise my little prune out of her bath and put on my brave face ....