Glad my son has 'withdrawn' into a new obsession

[mrsforgetful]

I know it's late- but i've got something on my mind.
DS2 (? aspergers?) is currently living and breathing 'digimon' playstation game- we've been through this before with ds1 and 'crash bandicoot' (many of you will not have a CLUE what i'm on about!) ...difference here is that ds2 has only recently got into this and it feels way too intense.... however because the playstation is upstairs ....and ds2 was recently getting so demanding and i was near breaking point...and i began my 'push' for a dx as i seriously felt i could not cope....And now he is upstairs -as any other AS parent will understand -for hours on end-and i am 'alone' able to think again and breath. For years i have had his permanent chatter and insistance that i interact fully with all my attention at all times....and now to be able to have the radio on and actually concentrate on cooking etc is like getting 'respite care' which we all know is sooooooo hard to get.

Now, the hard bit.

I know i cannot just carry on like this- however... i can slowly feel my life ebbing back into my veins.... i feel guilty and neglectful- however he is happy and pops down every now and then to share his achievements... and i shout up the stairs 'how's it going' etc -or pop my head round the door every now and then....but it's just the GUILT!

Welcome to the real world...................... we are not all supermums, and to have got where you are today has taken true strength and courage. Don't put yourself down. Make the most of it. I'm here if you need me.

The point i got side tracked on was that i'd been unable to cope so was getting desparate to get a DX NOW!....yet now i've got this bit of 'distance' 'everything' feels better...and i feel less desparate for the DX NOW...however i know the DX will be made!
Does this make sense.......it's like vereything was pressing down on me and now a little has been taken away- i feel less 'squashed'....oh! i feel awful saying all this- i love my son to bits but this is so lovely to have 'me' back too...i can be in the kitchen ...and theres no arguing- no 'squawks' (unless the game 'freezes' or he gets'killed' in the game ofcourse!!!) and BEST of all no TV on..... ds3 LOVES watching ds2 and is even 'allowed' to participate (on ds2's terms ofcourse) and often when i go in to 'check' ds2 is lead down in the middle of their room on a pillow playing the playstation and ds3 has built a train track all round him and is playing quite happily- ds2 is therefore probably delivering his 'running commentry' to ds3 instead of me...but ds3 is happily playing so ...hey! all must be fine really! DS1 by the way is simultaneously playing HIS digimon playstation game in his bedroom.... so you can see why i have such 'silence' downstairs.

I think the 'bottom line' here is probably one which lots of ASD parents have ...that frequently our kids love playstations and computers and 'people' frown on us allowing them to spend so much time on them....but it would be socially acceptable if the 'interest' was for lego,trains,reading,football or drawing....but playstations are a NO NO!! (i think Luke Jackson said something about this in his book Freaks Geaks etc)
OK...Off to bed...NIGHTY NIGHT!!!

MrsF, DO NOT feel guilty!! It all sounds fine to me. I let my son have his stims at home although they're a lot more basic. He needs them and so do I! We spend plenty of time together and a breather is wondeful, I'm thankful he's got some stims to keep him happy. Are you still going to pursue DX though? It might be a mistake to get lulled and take the foot of the gas...... you can have a Christmas break though!

Sound fantastic to me, mrsforgetful. Lovely that your boys are happy, absorbed and playing together and lovely that you feel happy and relaxed. Would you feel guilty if he was upstairs making model aeroplanes or reading a book? Of course not. So enjoy his new interest. How can you be neglecting him if he is so happy? I used to sit upstairs for hours and hours reading when I was a child. I certainly never felt neglected. I would have been very annoyed if someone had constantly interrupted me though!

mrsf - Part of ds1's routine involves going upstairs at 6pm to play "Half-Life" on the computer. If it's been a really bad day I let him go up earlier. I love ds1 dearly but the feeling of relief when he is playing upstairs can be great. It gives ds2 a much-needed chance to play without his brother pushing him away or taking his toys because he's not playing 'properly'. I feel guilty for feeling relieved but I know it's the best thing for all of us. Ds1 loves his computer time, ds2 adores his big brother but loves this playtime, and I get a break. Just make the most of that peace and quiet!

I think the extra feeling of guilt comes from the fact that children with ASD/AS are so socially inept. Therefore we feel that we have to try to interact with them MUCH MORE than is necessary with an NT child and it is MUCH MORE difficult, therefore a double whammy! I remember thinking, "OK, I'll interact with him now" (as directed by useless SLT), so I was all ready and willing to put in what ever work it took. My son turned the lights out, left the room and shut the door and left me sitting there in the dark on my own "interacting" . That was a long time ago and he is much easier to interact with now but still needs his "stimmy time".

That's so true davros. With ds2 I have no choice but to interact with him as he will come and find me, choose a game and insist I play with him. With ds1 I will find something to do with him, fight to get his attention, then within minutes ds2 will come nosing over and ds1 is up and off. I remember when ds2 got to the age where they begin to play with you and I couldn't believe how easy it was. I'm still stunned how easy it is to maintain his attention. DS1 likes lots of short fleeting interactions, but on his own terms. Adult directed is still very difficult for him.

Abd yep I feel guilty at the end of the day that I haven't done enough- every day I feel like this- I think its becuase I haven't spent every hour directing him.

I do deals with myself all the time as well. this afternoon I'm not feeling great, and I've had a few jobs to do- so ds1 has been wandering a bit- I've convinced myself its ok as he will be going to a party later- so I'll have that time with him.

I don't feel nearly as much guilt with ds2.

I think I feel less guilty about ds2 because I know that, even at 10 months old, if he needs or wants something he will let me know. It wouldn't occur to ds1 to let me know he'd just been sick, for example, but ds2 would howl the place down. There's also that feeling that you should be spending every spare minute working on tactile issues or teaching social skills. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt....

If its any conselation i didn't put crash bandicoot down until i'd finished it, and we're talking 12 hours a day. It's a very good game, your children have taste.

You've all eased my guilt...a bit!!!

Forest fly ...what d'you reckon about SPYRO ?.... i much prefered the days when crash and spyro were his favourites... i can't get my head round the 'roleplay' type....i'm a 'platformer' myself!!!

ENOUGH JARGON!!!! back to guilt!

I've even set up ds1's video so he can record what he's playing and at night he puts the playstation on so he can 'hear' the demos....and did you know most playstation discs play as audio discs...we've only got a PS1...so i'm sure the ps2 does even more! DS1 is waiting for delivery of a gameboy...i finally gave in! decided that this would calm him on long visits to my mum!

MY guilt is far less for ds1 and the playstation- i'm sure that the reason that it's harder ref ds2 is that this has all been so sudden- he used to be obseeive about 'normal' toys...and this playstation thing feels like he's trying to 'catch up' to ds1's level.