Am I the only one who sees the positives in my son?

[mickeyshell]

I'm new to this so be kind please I have a 12 year old son with mild cerebral palsy and poss ADHD (I say possible because we have never gone down the Mental Health route with this but have had a diagnosis from his paediatrician who is now retired and we saw privately).
Im feeling really low about things at the moment hence why my post to here my son has always had slight physical problems and more severe behaviour emotional probs both at home and at school. He is very immature for his age and has always been socially awkquard and struggled to make friends. Since starting high school last Sept things have gone from bad to worse and school tell me that they are convinced my son is well aware of how he speaks to others (i.e rude, defensive, defiant) and that he is the only one who can change this behaviour or he will end up being excluded.
Even some close family members even speak negatively of him and tell me I am too soft (basically blaming me) and that I need to stop making excuses for him but he does have some lovely qualities and I wish more people would take the time to see these rather than focussing on the bad and I do come down hard on him when I know he is in the wrong but I also know that sometimes he struggles to articulate the full story due to his immaturity and I think on occasions he takes the blame when maybe it wasnt all his fault.
I feel such a bad parent at times and at times feel like I cant carry on with this anymore I dont know what to do for the best.

Please don't be hard on yourself, its so hard being a parent to a disabled/SEN child. Other people don't always 'get' this and find putting theirselves in your shoes impossibly difficult, and so critisise and don't understand the limits of some childrens conditions or diagnosis.

Just looking through the threads here will show you that you are not alone, and we all feel as you do at some point. Getting a referal for investigations into ASD may well confirm your thoughts and explain how your child struggles in some situations. Sending you a huge hug x

Thank you for your kind words (and the hug) and I do know how lucky I am and that many parents are in a much more difficult situation and I am very grateful for that. I have been looking at other threads which is helping and like many other parents have posted in some threads im probably just having a bad day which is to be expected but sometimes I feel like the bad day morphs into a bad week, bad month, bad year!
I always felt like a diagnosis would help things both at school and with family/friends etc but I really dont feel like it has although I have recently asked my GP to refer my son to the Child & Adolescent Mental Health team hopefully for an assessment but I have also been criticised for this and told to just deal with the situations as they arise instead of focussing on giving him a label. I never thought I was doing this just thought it would surely help if there was an answer to why he acts in certains ways.
It is actually helping just to get all this out as his sperm donor has never been involved so always been on my own with intermittent help from family who like to judge a bit too often. Sometimes the constant negatives just get a bit too much - surely there is only so much criticism one can take regarding our darling children?

You have to have your own 'filter system' - some people love to sit in an ivory tower and judge - because they are so bloody relieved that they don't have these problems themselves. Filter out as much of their unhelpful crap as you can. You will know your child and what is best for them.
A dx can be a double edged sword, but they can have real uses, not excuses but reasons for why a child behaves in such a way, but also reasons why you need support and helping you to get that support in place. xx

It sounds like a 'diagnosis' would help you and your son. . Which are the main people here. I can completely understand why others negative comments get you down - I feel like I'm constantly being judged. I've got to the point of not taking any notice of family or friends who turn into bloody experts all of a sudden.

I'm always lurking on these sites and giving support when I can and getting lots of great advice from more experienced people. Everyone here will understand and believe you.

There is also nothing wrong with talking about his good points too. You need those as you talk to so many people about his 'ways' that sometimes you can forget their good points.

You sound like a great mum and dad and doing a good job. Keep going and do what you know is the right thing.

Xx

Thank you both and you are right about the diagnosis I think I would like a definate one (if indeed there is one) so that I can then seek advice or join a support group so I can talk to other parents dealing with similar issues instead of having to rely on family and friends to pour my heart out to who clearly dont have a clue what its like to be in mine or my sons situation. Maybe then school may take things more seriously instead of labelling him as manipulative and naughty as I know all this negativity isnt doing him any good as he has really poor self esteem and will talk about himself in a really heart wrenching way and im convinced that sometimes he acts the way he does as a defence mechanism.

Your private dx even if old is still a valid dx.

Ignore the people who say -'no labels'. Without a label i.e. an explanation of his difficulties, he'll continue to be considered to have behviourial difficulties / rude etc.

Stick up for him against school. Teachers are trained to teach - not act as armchair psychologists. Trust your instincts.

WetAugust will you come to our AR and give them some stick please?!!

You don't need me. You're perfectly capable of dishing it out yourself

It's a mental leap - from feeling grateful for what you receive to becoming a demanding mother-from-hell bent on getting the best possible outcome for their DC.

I made that transition years ago - you will too.

It's useful for non-SEN issues too. You should have heard the converstaion I've just had with Halifax customer services

There has to be a silver lining somewhere!

The funny thing is I am more than capable of fighting for what I believe in and have done in almost every day of my DS life (hope that is the correct abbreviation for darling son lol im learning) but sometimes I think we all have those days when we feel completely ground down and just fed up of fighting all the time - this week has definately been one of them times but as im sure all the parents of children with additional needs do we dust ourselves off and start tomorrow as another day - a clean slate - well until the next dreaded phone call from school that is!
Thanks to all for taking to time to comment it is very much appreciated and I can see me being a frequent visitor now when I need to vent.