Is this "fair"?

[Eliza22]

Ok. I have an 11 yr old ds with HF asd and OCD diagnosis. Statemented. In mainstream. Transferring to mainstream secondary with asd unit attached, in Sept. Induction visits have begun. He's been twice so far with his one to one lady. I have agreed to take him for the final two visits as "they just don't have the staff". He gets full time, one to one via his statement. Now, they've said, they cannot do another two sessions so, would it be ok if I take him? It's 15 miles, there and back. So, 60 miles per session, unless I sit at the school, and wait for him.

Secondly....

Today, I went to a 'catch up' swim session, being run for 20 or so kids who need some extra help with swimming. I told school, that I'd organised (for the summer hols) a one to one swim instructor, 10 sessions, in order to help ds. It's expensive but hopefully worth it. Now, when I got to the council run one this morning, there were other 'mums' there. We were chatting while all the kids (except my ds) got into the water. Turns out, that the mums are in fact teaching assistants, accompanying the kids from various schools. I was the only MUM there.

Ds wouldn't do it, as it's an outside pool and it was really cold. I didn't want to put him off for the summer sessions I've paid for so, I said ok, come sit with me and if you don't want to do it, that's ok, no one's going to force you. We sat awhile. We left. He doesn't want to go again.

Got to school......teacher said " well, it's good for him from a safety viewpoint" which I do agree with but........"take him each day, for the next 2 weeks, apart from when you're taking him to secondary induction days obviously and see if he'll have a go".

I'm cross on several levels.....

1). If they really want him to do it, it's in school time, 9am for an hour, ought his TA be accompanying as the other school did?
2). Why am I suddenly doing all transporting because they're short of staff? He has 30 hr one to one via his statement. What is she doing?
3). I was initially told that I MUST NOT go on the school inductions as it sets a precedent ie. MUM GOES WITH ME.

Am I being unreasonable? They've been a great school. We get on well. But I feel a bit like, he has his assistance till THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR but, he's leaving soon so his TA is better used elsewhere due to staffing shortages.

If this was on AIBU, I would say - most definitely that YANBU. They are capitalising on your generosity of spirit. What would have happened to their staff shortages if you had been unavailable?

Well, they do know, that I'm not working. Over the past year I've "joined in" with stuff to assist my son. It hasn't been a problem and he's loved it. However, to just assume that I can allocate 2 hours every morning, for the next 2 weeks, for swimming (and they insist it's important and he should go) is expecting too much, I think.

I wonder what would happen to his new school induction programme if I said that I just wasn't able to do all of them, that they've asked. I'll be honest, I love my ds to bits but, because of his OCD, we don't leave the house after school and much at the weekend, so, if there's anything I need/want to do, I have a very small window of time to do it in. Even less now! And, I hate to say this but...... I see school (and he finishes 20 mins before everyone else) as a break from him when he's really poorly with the OCD.

God, that sounds awful!

I cannot see why they haven't got the staff to accommodate a) his TA accompanying him to the swimming sessions and b) his TA accompanying him to the secondary school inductionn visits, if he has a full time TA - surely she would be with him at primary school all day if he was not going to either of these things. The inly issue I can think of is if they require another member of staff to be involved in transporting them.
When DS did his extra induction sessions, I dropped him at Primary school as normal & his TA took him the 5 miles to his new school and made sure he was back at primary school by normal close of play - so she wasn't doing any extra hours.
As regards the swimming sessions - from what you say, these sessions will be counter productive if your DS is not wanting to take part because it is in an outdoor pool. I assume the lessons you have arranged for the holidays are in an indoor pool which he may be happier with. Are you sure this is not just a case of the school trying to tick the box of all Yr 6 pupils being able to swim 25m by the time they leave (as per national guidlines)? I agree it is a good thing for children to be able to do - and you obviously are in agreement - but do it your way - not theirs.

I do think the school are taking advantage of your better nature here by expecting you to take the place of the TA. Ask them what your son's 1-1 TA will be doing during these times - the school is being paid for her to be with your son as per his statement - not doing other jobs!

Your son's TA is paid for by extra funding from his statement and should not count in numbers for school purposes. Do not accompany him, kick up a fuss about why they're illegally denying your son his rights!

I would also be wondering why they want him out of the way for so long each morning

I am not allowed to transport the Y6 DC I support to his induction sessions, from a CP and an insurance point of view. The school won't allow me to. My DS, however, was taken to his induction sessions by his TA last year. I did pay for her insurance, though. How did all those DC at the swimming session get there, I wonder? Apart from the transport, though, if he has full time 1:1, of course they have the staff!?

I assumed that as the TA had already taken him to the new school, the insurance and RAs were all in place, Ellen. I've worked in places where you couldn't be in a room alone "just in case" and places where I've taken 3 teenagers out swimming for an evening (tip: choose your students wisely if attempting this it's really not recommended!)

Ah, well today SENCO has confirmed with me that for TA to go with ds, it takes AN ADDITIONAL staff member.....must be TWO in the car with ds. Why??? Apparently, it's what has to happen.

I have decided that ds will not be continuing with the outdoor swimming. The weather's awful AND IT'S OUTSIDE. ds has said he will give the summer sessions I've planned a go. He's been so I'll recently that I flatly refuse to push him.

School teacher looked at me and said, it's a shame, it's a good opportunity.

Yes, my school won't allow you to take a child in your car alone. It would be too risky for the member of staff, and obviously would leave them open to accusations. Our school has had an 'incident' though, so maybe being particularly careful.

Update:

I went today with ds. Lovely sunny day....all calm in the car...chatted about his last visit....went into the school and...

Receptionist said, "don't give me your completed forms, the SENCO will take them from you, when she comes to reception to collect the (4) children"

Two minutes later, whilst sitting waiting, all he'll breaks lose! Two boys have a fight no more than 3 feet from us. Male teacher comes in, shouting at them to separate and then whisks away ds and the 3 other new recruits. Me and ta's sit there, amidst the chaos. Then SENCO lady comes...."where are the children?". "oh" we said "a man took them".

What a bloody shambles. Enough said.