Sleep

[slowlyburningcalories]

Please - someone help us.

DD is 2. She doesn't sleep - that's to say she wants someone there every single moment that she is asleep. She never sleeps longer than 3-4 hours, she always wakes screaming and beside herself. We have tried melatonin, why I am not really sure, but since we finished the trial she now won't even fall asleep at bedtime (which she did do before melatonin).

I could bore you with the things we have tried re nap schedule, environment, diet. But my marriage is now on the line (in fact I think it passed the line in a sleep deprived haze about six months ago), I have also realised that I can longer do my job and I am almost certainly going to have to take an unpaid leave of absence, I cannot function on this level of sleep disturbance. We do tag team (night on/night off) but even then we never see each other. And I have realised I am now sliding down into a depression as well. People around me talk of hobbies and meals out, of careers and more children, of decorating the house and gardening. This affects DD as well - makes her clumsy and I think more 'distant'. We can't 'fix' her. We can't just leave her. This is my life - there is no escape - its like some terrible B movie where there is no off switch.

How do you cope? Please tell me whether I should give up my hopes and just become 24/7 DD's sleep deprived mother - probably single mother.

I completely understand about the lack of sleep. Been there done that. there are no easy fixes, but I can tell you it does get better. We were probably in your position a couple of months ago. Infact I am currently on a career break to help out at home and focus on DS. It has only been couple of months and things are not perfect yet but they are getting better. Leaving work was the best thing I did for us as a family.

We do the usual bedtime routine, melatonin to help him drift off and then he stays in his room. If he wakes up in the night then he has to stay in his room. It was a gradual withdrawal, he did cry for a few days but has got used to it. The other thing that helped is valerian drops next to his pillow. The stuff stinks but he does sleep a bit longer with it.

How is she generally during the day? DS has been very anxious for the last few months and we think that was one of the reasons he needed one of us there. He has a lot of attention from us during the day and that has helped reduce hs anxieties overall and is also helping generally. He is also distant on the days when he does not get enough sleep.

No advice, but sympathy. I did this for a few years with both DC.
It is killing...there seems to be no end at the time. And I would seethed at the people who told me what to do as it seemed I had tried them all. And telling me it will pass was no help.
It did pass though....I did spend a lot of time co-sleeping and stressing about that. I used to spend many Saturdays lying on the couch having a nap while they watched a movie just so I could continue to function.
My wise and wonderful childminder (elderly lady) used to tell me not to worry about having them come into my bed at night- that they would leave when they were ready. Which they did. It was the only way for me to get sleep.

Is your DD generally anxious?

thank you for posting. DD is very very active - apparently she needs a lot of vestibular input and she has an expressive speech delay which almost certainly makes her very volatile and frustrated and screamy. The way she is distant is very odd, i am contacting the epilepsy nurse (long story why we have her as part of DDs team) tomorrow to see about another sleep EEG in case it is some form of seizure waking her.

She does nap. And we do follow a good bedtime routine, she also doesn't come out of her room until the morning but we have a double in her room which one of us always sleeps on with her after her first wake up - 10pm onwards.

And interesting about career break - we will be very very up the creek without my salary but I am on my knees and something has to give.

Does she have a light in her room at night? Might be a stupid idea that you've already done. My DS also has huge vestibular issues and it took me a while to realise that waking at night in the dark, he really had no sense of where anything was unless he could see?

I could probably have done my old job under sleep deprived conditions but I cannot do this one - it is research and I need to be able to write technical papers and conference abstracts! I have gone to sleep with DD in the past but its the level of disturbed sleep which I think is the issue, as much as for her as for me.

We have tried with and without a light, didn't seem to help, if only her language skills were better and should could explain why she is waking!

My sympathies to you. DS2 used to be a horrible sleeper, then for some unknown reason, he improved a bit (not great, but at least allowing me 3-4 hours of sleep at a stretch), but has in the last month deteriorated again. It's exhausting.

Depending on who we see we are told that DD may or may not have mild CP, recently we discovered she has a weak trunk as her I initial high tone has normalised and in fact left her without much muscle mass.

So thinking back to when she was tiny and talking to a friend I wonder if that weak core also affected her tummy, so last night I raised the cot by two inches at the head end and gave her some ga is on after her bedtime feed.

She slept. Not all night but in batches of four hours, and didn't even cry (DH was with her) just stirred got comfortable and went back to sleep.
Maybe we are onto something.

That should say gaviscon!

Wow. Wouldn't it be wonderful if that could 'solve' it (obv I am not ignoring the concern that possible CP would bring). Do let us know if things stay good.

Secomd night - peaceful bedtime, peaceful wake ups, solid blocks of sleep, no squirming, farting, screaming or kicking

22 bloody months I have been trying to settle this child and being told over and over that it is not reflux

Gosh I am so glad that you seem to have a solution at hand and to those that denied this could be the problem. Well done you!