DS taunted, jokes played and now car vandalised

[coff33pot]

Got to get this off my chest as if not I may go and murder a few children

So far these 9/10 and 13 year olds have.....

Thrown his JD Bug in a hedge about 6 times that he can reach and so he has been yelled at by the man who owns the hedge. Had his apple ipod ripped from his ears which he uses to calm when outside and thrown in some other hedge never to be found.

Jubilee party day he was given lollies like the rest of the kids. Came home and DS went out in the garden. They came up to back high gate and ds stood on his play house to talk to them. They banged the gate so he dropped the lollies and ran off with them resulting in full on furious meltdown followed by him talking to his teddy Mr Cuddles in his room saying why are they my friends but being nasty mr cuddles :(

Came in last week saying they asked him to bring out his new water pistol (nerf) that they would be watering the plants. DS came running in filled it and out and then came back seconds later soaked to the skin as if he had just walked into the sea.

Next day they played the same trick. Poor DS was good as gold just coming in saying "I think they played a trick" then changing and curling up on the sofa in a fleece.

Now I got all these kids standing outside my house chanting wa*r, dick head, prk up at DS bedroom window with ds coming down asking whats a wr?

Saturday one of them has vandalised my car with a sharp object carving crosses in the hatch door.

I cant talk to them as you get a "F off you cant touch me or I call police"

I have left a lot go due to the fact I know DS can misunderstand a LOT but this is way too much.

:( your poor DS and you.
I don't know about the area where you live, but certainly where we are the police would like to be called on 101 and informed of such behaviour - especially the car vandalism, and at the same time tell them about the hedge incident (incase the man who owns it phones them up to report children damaging it). They would also want to know about them chanting outside the house.

film them and call the police yourself! Your poor ds, hope he's ok

dont know what to say apart from that this had made me very :( and . children can be so nasty!

I think I am just gobsmacked tbh. DS is fine when out with 2 others his age (6) both of which I feel are similar. Its not till these horrible lot put their nose in that it all goes to pot.

I spoke to the parents of the main 2 (brothers) about the car and she said to go do what you have to do. That she has personally called the police on her eldest and had him dragged round the cells just to scare him into behaving but to know effect. She has SS involved because of them and the way they talk to her. I feel for her too as she clearly is in a mess. When I said how they were talking to myself and DH she just said "yep I get it all the time"

It was DS and his little friend that saw the boy do it. I talked of ringing the police (which ds has a fear of for some reason) And he said "dont do it mum they are my "friends" really :( THAT statement makes me so bloody mad.

This is appalling behaviour. I'm so sorry that you and your ds are going through this. Please get some support from police and neighbours. I would not accept children yelling and swearing on my doorstep let alone the damage to his possessions. Point a camera at them and tell them you will be calling the police.

What happens if you try to keep him in for a while? Would your ds accept that?

That is awful Coff and your ds is only 6??!!! Tbh I would ring the police (or go round their parents house and knock seven bells out of their parents!) as it is vandalism and harrassment. Your ds also needs to understand that the police are there to help him. Good luck and I hope you get some help from them

Of Coff33, I am so sorry this is happening. Kids can be horrible at the best of times, but it sounds like these kids have some pretty major issues as well, which makes them harder to tackle, as they apparently have little or no fear of authority.

My advice would be the same as everyone else, to contact the police. If you are concerned about calling them, you can find your local team and email them here for advice. I did this with some noisy/problem neighbours a few years back and they were great. They responded to my email in the middle of the night and then again the next day and suggested some options for sorting the problem - one of which was them 'having a word', which they were more than happy to do.

As for ds, we had a problem with ds1 believing his main bully was his friend. It's a hard one to explain to them isn't it, when they are so innocent that they can't understand people having malicious intent. I know it took a lot of long, tough conversations with ds and we also got a couple of books of ebay about the true meaning of friendship and one in particular talked about the type of things that people who aren't really your friends might do. I will go and see if I can find them and post a link.

Police. Definitely

Oh coff33 this has made me feel so sad. I thought you were going to say he was older. Can't believe the things some children do to other vulnerable children.

I certainly agree with contacting the police and maybe a non-confrontational note thought these awful children's doors.

Hugs for both of you.

Oh Coff . I would definitely contact the local police station. If you know the school they attend then tell the HT too. I know it is outside school but they may have a word or mention something in an assembly. We have had problems with kids banging on the front window and currently knock down ginger is their favourite game. We are seriously considering getting a CCTV camera from Maplins to put up by the front door. If these children were doing this to someone of a different ethnic background it could be classed as racial harrassment and I feel this is disablist harrassment. It makes me so mad that kids think it's o.k to take the mickey out of children a little bit different. Ds was called a mongol last week

Definitely worth acting - we've had 2 instances of this and both times acting on it before it really developed into a habit paid off

Terrible :( I agree that you should call 101

I don't know if your DS has watched toy story?

If so, "Behaving like Sid" might be easier for him to understand than 'bullying'

Agree with zzz that he needs to see what isn't friendship; I've seen adults with asd have horrible life experiences because they didn't know the difference. And the children doing this need the police to stop them now; for their own benefit as well as everyone else's.

Sorry, had my own ds1 shaped crisis to deal with. Have had a quick look on Amazon and come up with a couple, although couldn't find the one I was thinking of earlier. Will have a look on the boys' bookshelves when they are at school tomorrow and see if I can root it out.

Bullies Bigmouths and So Called Friends is probably too old for your ds, but might be worth having in your arsenal for later on. I think this one is going to be valuable for my ds1 and have had it in my 'saved for later' items on Amazon for some time now.

How to be a Friend might be a good one. It has sections on how to be a good friend and how not to behave if you are a friend. You can look inside and check it out on the Amazon site. I have a couple of books in this range from when the boys were younger and they always seemed to enjoy and relate to them.

Keep a log of episodes with dates and times and contact the local community police officers. If it's started and is now escalating, you need to get some official backing before he is targeted outside your home, or the vandalism increases.
I'd also talk to the school if they go to the same one, so they can be aware of possible incidents in the playground.

Thanks all. Toy story is a good way of talking about it maria I think he would relate to that.

I feel partly to blame as I actually explained to these kids that they are older and it would be good if they would keep an eye out for him as the younger ones may not understand his ways due to his Autism and social issues. They somewhat took him under their wing so I believed :(

Sadly he is being used as a gullible target. When I went out the second time he was drowned with water I heard the eldest tell him to run down the hill out accross to the other side of the road and the game would be chase. DS said "ok!" and I grabbed him by the collar as he got around the corner or he would have been flattend by a taxi.

They live next door to a young girl with LDiffs and she is lovely and they swore at her as she was in street telling me she passed her NVQ childcare. I was really over the moon for her and it put a damper on her excitement of it. She hid behind me bless her and I could have throttled them then. Took her home but told her if she on her own in house and get upset just run round to me and stay there till her parents get home in future. They had been chucking eggs at her house.

It isnt a rough area just a normal seaside town and these kids CAN be civil and I have never had any issues before with them.

I will use that email link moosemama thank you. Looked up my local one and see what they come up with.

I dont want to shut ds in. Its not fair as he doesnt understand and longs for the freedom now of putting on his roller skates or scooter just for the hour. Plus he has developed frienships as such, mostly with girls ( they fall for the good looks before he plants a plastic AK47 in their hands and demands they play war LOL) But there are 3 boys his age that can and do tolerate his querkyness really well. He has learnt some valuable social skills to like sharing turns for ice lollies and watching others at play and sometimes joining in with them.

These brothers are having major behavioural difficulties, and their parents are stuck. That's not your poor little DS's fault, nor is it yours. The mum has involved social services and the police already, and clearly doesn't want the situation to be as it is. But so far nothing has changed.

Making a fuss so that the police, social worker etc can't brush it under the carpet is important in setting a limit to how your DS can be treated. It's also helpful to those kids and their family. Whatever the root cause, the mum must be pretty desperate to call the police on her kids, and I'd hope that at some point someone starts listening to her when she asks for help with them.

I know everyone will flame me for saying it, but shouting swearwords and baiting little ones would have been on the cards for DS1 if he'd got to their age undiagnosed and I'd ever let his impulsive little self out unchaperoned...

Thanks for advice fallen Fortunately they dont go to DS school (infact DS is at present out of school) They are in senior school and he is not even in the Juniors yet.

Keeping a log is a good idea thank you. At present DS has come back in doors as I keep repeating to him that the "bigger man" walks away. I do constantly check his whereabouts and he is in and out every 15 mins anyway and only out for hour which is why I have managed to keep up with the goings on.

(but diagnosis and medication means we can keep that sort of behaviour inside our four walls so only the siblings suffer and it doesn't bother the neighbours)

I wont flame you maria my DS is only young at the moment but along with anxiety and the confusing times socially comes a control issue too. I dont doubt and am not afraid to say that as he matures I am going to deal with a whole lot of different experiences with him.

Another reason why I dont want him to think all this is "ok" to do iyswim. He has got to experience ridicule sadly as it goes along with lifes experiences and how he learns to shrug it off. What scares me is when he works it out and if he should hit back and then get the taste for that.

The mother is having one hell of a time and I do feel for her. She has 4 kids 2 the girls are great and one is DS age. Its the boys that have the issues.

She didnt have a "do whatever" attitude. She has had more partners than I can count every couple months and I dont think of that in a bad way at all. Its more that she cant have a relationship she deserves because of her boys issues. I have been the one to tell her she is not a bad mother as the bad ones are the ones that ignore it and wont cry out for help.

I am just not sure its going to help her though but at the same time I cant have DS or our home treated this way either. Its a nasty circle of events.