Could I have some advice about this?

[macwoozy]

I had an awful time with ds after school today. I took him to a ball park and it's just ended up in tears, for both ds and myself. Yet again, ds hit another toddler, I didn't see it, but as soon as I heard a man shout "where's your mum", I just knew it involved ds. The man came over and started ranting, don't blame him one bit though. Within a few minutes ds had upset a few other little girls, they had been screaming which ds can't tolerate, and again I apologised, explaining taht ds had autism. I don't think that helped at all, I feel the reaction is why take him to a place like this then.
Next a couple of childen from ds's school appeared, they played quite nicely, until I heard one child crying, although I had been watching ds I again didn't see what happened. The mum came over and said to her loud enough for me to hear "Don't talk to people like that" I'm a mother from her daughters class, I'm not a stranger unless she meant it in a way that was a criticism of me, IFSWIM.
All the time I was trying to supervise ds, but it's not always easy to intervene quick enough in a place like that.
I can't cope with this anymore, I can't take him anywhere, do I just stop taking him to parks which he really enjoys. What should I do? How do I punish him when his explanation is 'They annoyed me'. I told him to walk away if that happens, but he says 'he can't think'.
Any strategies for me? I really could do with some advice, I've got a little boy crying in the next room, but I'm so angry I'm scared I will just start screaming at him.

My sympathies Macwoozy. My ds is autistic but nowhere on this level. He is such a placid, happy little lad.
I didn't want your post to go unnoticed so I'll bump for someone more in the know.

Really sorry to hear this macwoozy. Not very experienced in this as my DD oblivious to other children, apart from to walk over them. This sounds really hard. I hope somebody comes on here soon who can help and hope your little boy is OK. And you must absolutely take him out. I'm wondering if the trigger for hitting out is stress if you could somehow divert it? So if he gets stressed he has something with him he can fiddle with/look at. I dunno, sorry if this is crap advice

my eldest has behavioural probs,and all his life he has lashed out,saying kids said something to him.hes 14 now,and still finds it hard to control his temper.when he was small,we did a points system for him.draw a racing track on a bit of paper.along the track,do little sections.each section he has to be good to get a star (or tick,or happy face).do so many little sections to get to a bigger section.(like 5 stars equals a treat)if he gets an unhappy face because hes been naughty,then he has to wait for that next treat (which could be a trip to the park).it worked with my ds.at the end of the week if he had a certain amount of stars and had recieved the daily treats,we used to let him choose what he wanted to do that weekend.hope ive explained it clearly enough!!

I like the idea of a racing track because ds loves cars, but unfortunatley in ds's case it just doesn't work. It's like he can't see that far ahead. He can understand it, but he's just so impulsive a reward chart like that wouldn't even come into his mind when he's in a situation like this afternoon.

Not crap advice JakB, I have thought about whether it's stress related, maybe the noise, or amount of children getting in his way, but I don't think he even acknowledges it himself when he is, he just hits out when anxious. At school they give him something to hold when he becomes stressed, and in some places he will just block out everyting and just walk around in circles with a toy car, but with the excitement of a ball park, he just wants to run around in a manic way. I know the answer is to use these parks when it's quieter but you can't forsee how busy it's going to get anyway.

I'm cooling down a bit now, I just hate the way he makes me feel sometimes, I feel like an outsider half the time. I never used to feel like this, I used to be pretty confident but he's gradually wearing me down. Hey ho, a glass of wine in a mo, and all will be well

Have you ever tried using a "Social Story" with your son. A very simple tool to teach social skills to children with autism. You can relate this to any situation a child might find difficult or confusing- such as his visit to the park.
There are four types of sentences used to present this information in a Social Story:

Descriptive sentences objectively address the “wh” questions: where the situation takes place, who is involved, what they are doing, and why they may be doing it.
Perspective sentences give a peek into the minds of those involved in the story; they provide details about the emotions and thoughts of others.
Directive sentences suggest desired responses tailored to the individual.
Control sentences are authored by the student himself as something of a mnemonic device -- a sentence to help him remember the story or deal with the situation. These are not used in every story and are typically used only with fairly high functioning children.

Example of a Social Story:

Sometimes our class sits on the carpet. (descriptive) We sit on the carpet to listen to stories and for group lessons. (descriptive) My friends are trying hard to listen so they can enjoy the story or learn from the lessons. (perspective) It can be hard for them to listen is someone is noisy or not sitting still. (descriptive) I will try to sit still and stay quiet during our time on the carpet. (descriptive)

This is easily done on the computer and you can even add photos as well - maybe of your son in the park.

Hope this helps

sorry I forgot to add, read the story with your child before you visit the park and take it with you so he can remind himself.

Hi Macwoozy,

i just thought i'd let you know that i think the way of which the parents reacted is a disgrace!!!!

Why on earth should you feel that you cant take your child to the park of which your ds obviously loves doing??

I know it cant be easy for either of you, but in this day and age, i truly believe that some parents are so old fashioned and narrow minded when it comes to children who are different!!!!

If i were you i would proudly take my ds back to the park, and if something does happen, dont let the other parents get you down, i know it sounds hard, but at the end of the day, if ds is happily playing and doing something he enjoys dont let other people take it away from him.

Sorry to go on, it's just i cant stand the way people can be, as in my other thread, dylan now has a helmet, and people stare, but i wont stopping him from doing things coz it would get us bith down IYKWIM.

Take care.

Butty.xxx

Oh, i know its not an answer to your problems and i dont really have any advise about that as i do not really understand your situation, i just wanted to let you know that the other parents were wrong in their reactions and feel sorry for their childrn who will grow up to think that way!!!

Life is a bitch most of the time, but you dont need pratts like that pointing out the obvious!!!

Hope you can sort something out,

Butty.xxx

You shouldn't have to do this, but I've given up on going to parks unless they're practically empty (preferably completely empty) and I only ever take ds1 by himself so I can glue myself to him.

It's probably more important that your son does learn to deal with parks etc, I think in your situation I would try social stories, and only going when its very quiet to begin with and building up to busy.

Butty, I remember that thread about Dylan wearing his new helmet, and was horrified to hear the comment made by that ignorant woman at the doctors, and really felt for you. I wish I was stronger and could stand up to people like this, but over the years I've heard too many snide comments about ds's bad behaviour along with filthy looks, that it's finally wearing me down, and it's got to the stage that I actually feel nervous when taking ds out in public places where other children might be playing.
I have tried social stories (thanks mismouse for taking the time to write that), but it seems that once he's in the middle of the action, wherever that might be, he's incapable of bringing any of that information to mind, he's just so impulsive and egocentric that he'll just push past anyone who happens to get in his way. When it's one to one he can be so sweet and really tries, but in groups he's a differnet child. I won't give up though with the social stories. Like Jimjams has suggested I think I will have to take him to parks etc when it's quieter until he can learn to cope, I can't see any other option. Should be getting my CAMHS appt through anytime now so hopefully they might come up with a few answers.

Oh Macwoozy, I so hope CAMHS can help