Sorry to be so blunt but I would imagine a lot of Mumsnetter have experience of this issue.
My son has Asperger's, he is 10 now. We have tried to get him to learn how to go to the toilet properly but he has sensory issues. He generally leaves it too late to go, despite being asked many times 'do you need the toilet?'
He always says he doesn't. within a couply of minutes he is either running to the loo and not making it or says 'Oh, no!' and he's peed or poo'ed his pants.
He is a constant bedwetter, never been dry, is now in adult male Tena pants plus at night and even they don't soak up all the pee. So 5 out of 7 days I am washing all the bedding as well a throwing out the Tenas, so it is becoming very expensive and laborious.
Even if he makes it to the loo, he cannot wipe properly for poos, it end up either smeared all over him or the toilet. He can often sit for hours with huge chunks between his bum cheeks and he says he doesn't even feel it or know it's there. We can tell by the smell!
He will come in from school with these chunky cheeks or stale pissy pants, because he can't do anything about it in school, so he has to sit thru the day like it.
We have tried, alarms for night, lifting and Desmopressin...no joy there.
We have installed a toilet bidet for him to 'wash and go' but he still can't do it. He tries, but gets in a right fix. We have tried those flushable wipes but he will end up using half a packet and half a roll of TP, no exaggeration!
He has blocked the toilet hundreds of times and the main sewer pipe about 20 times, which as you know costs a lot to get jetted out.
He suffers from terrible nappy rash a lot of the time and he has eczema which flares up where the wee etc touches his skin.
I have to clean him up constantly by laying him down like for a baby nappy change. But he is 10 now and has hairs growing 'down below'. It just doesn't seem proper.
This kid is very intelligent, has high IQ, but has ver little problem solving skills for everyday life. Everything becomes too complicated and overwhelming for him.
This morning he pood his tenas and when he tried to clean up he accidently got the flush water on himself because the bowl was full to brim with TP. He had a meltdown because he thought the Bloo in the pan was going to cause his DNA to mutate and turn him into a mutant.
This is at 5am and I am dazed and on my 3rd coffee to try to snap out of sleep mode.
Any advice, please. GP's not interested. OT/PT signed him off a couple of years ago. So basically left to sort it out myself.