Autism through the years

[Changethatbulb]

Can anyone provide some real-life experience about having an ASD child and how it has changed over the years?

What I mean is, DS2 is Autistic (he's nearly 8 years old). I've known that he was autistic since he was 3 but he was only diagnosed recently (long story).

Every ASD child is different I expect but I wanted to hear from people that have ASD children and what, if anything has changed. My son can't read or write. Ok, he writes his name, that is it.

Does getting older lessen the autism? That is probably a really stupid question.

In a way I am trying to find out what the future holds, but that's just ridiculous I suppose.

I'll post this now and regret it in the morning.

It's AS my son has, he's 16.

Emotionally and socially he's still behind his peers, significantly and he still displays all the same traits he always did, but...he has developed as he's got older, just not at the same rate as his peers and he's better at coping with his traits.

He'll never be an NT adult, but how he is now is very different to how I worried he might be when he was your DS's age.

Of course AS is at the high functioning end of the spectrum and everyone's different anyway - so I don't know how helpful that is.

Part of the problem with ASD/autism/aspergers is that it is just so massive.

And then every child is different.

I don't think anyone could possibly say what your DS will be like when he is grown up.

What doesn't change though is who he is and how his family will help him live up to his potential.

I know that doesn't help you and for that I am sorry.

I have had an autistic child for 23 yrs and I have learnt to try to take each day as it comes and not to try to tackle more than that.

Good luck

Thank you both for replying to an unanswerable question

I think I need to come to terms with what will be, will be, and there is only certain things I can do to help.

One day at a time.

The thing is, my 12 yr old DD isn't what I thought she would be like either and she's completely NT, children just don't do what you expect them to anyway, lol.

I realised that after I posted.

I am so dumb sometimes. I need to stop over-thinking.

I think it's perfectly natural to wonder what's ahead, I remember having a complete meltdown when DS was about 7 about whether he'd ever live independantly as I just couldn't picture it...

Can you picture any 7 year old as an independant adult? lol

Dont put yourself down change, your feelinga and thoughts are perfectly normal, we all have them from time to time.

Fwiw ,i cant imagine dd2 as an independent adult and she is 16 nt and going away to college in 3 months time. .

She will either starve or get burried alive under a mountain of dirty washing

Ds is 17 now and nothing like he was at eight, back then it felt like we were constantly firefighting as he was pretty much uncontrollable. Now he's just awfully vulnerable so it's emotionally draining rather than physically exhausting like it used to be. We were told at three he'd never live independently but I only accepted it when he was about 16 tbh then I am an eternal optimist anyway.

DS2 (24yrs) has many autistic traits, not dx'd but there was significant concern when he was in primary school - enough to warrant assessment for dyslexia. i decided against intervention and further investigation but he and i both believe now he has HFA/AS. i put a lot of his difficulties down to me and exH splitting - exH was violent and abusive, to all of us.

DS he hated going to school, getting him in the door was always a trial, but once there he was fine.
he worked extremely hard in school, but only ever achieved just above average. he never got into trouble, and was always praised for his manners and personal appearance. his written work was poor, but his effort was always noted.
he never wore jeans, always chose jogging bottoms and the same style underclothes/socks for years.

he never reads books/newpsapers, he is extremely untidy with his possessions, he has fought (and won against) major substance use, he has few friends

he has made many plans for his life, but not carried many of them through.

he also has an amazing memory for sporting trivia.

he is obsessive about clothes and shoes, he has to wash all of his clothes immediately before wearing them - if it's been in his wardrobe more than a week he washes it again. he has 7pairs of trainers all the same (as well as other shoes)

this past year i think he's found a lot of answers about himself as has played a major part in supporting DD, DH and I throughout her assessment process. he works in childcare and is brilliant with challenging behaviour and engaging children.

he's leaving home in the next few months, and i've never seen him so organised or focussed. ever. he's got a steady relationship and is going to be a father - he has come into his own. he's happier than i've ever seen him, he's getting organised wrt to plans for shared paternity leave!

i don't know if this is relevant (yes i do really, it very relevant), but his g/f works in a residential home for adults with LDs. she doesn't 'work' with DS, but she's a lovely woman who has the patience and understanding to bring out the best in him.

yes, i have NCed for this (he knows my normal NN) and now i'm off to get a tissue - i'm so proud of him.

Thank you NormalService. I appreciate you sharing your experience. You sound like you have raised a wonderful son.

insanity I get the emotionally vs physically draining thing. That is a good point.

zzzzz I think part of my problem lies in initially not bonding with DS2. Which I didn't realise until much later was not my fault or his. He was autistic and had other problems. Who knows that in the early weeks post-birth?

I will take advice and be kinder on myself. It's still half term here and being around him more makes me think.