Evening all. I've had some lovely support from this board previously and was wondering if anyone could help me think clearly about my situation with DS1.
Background....
I first posted on Mumsnet in 2005 when DS was 3. He was not reacting to discipline or praise like I would have expected him to. Play school struggled with him as he did not want to take part and constantly wandered away from the group. He struggled with friendships and often hurt children who were friendly to him. We moved to Australia and he continued in Kinder, again with the teacher stating that he was a little different to other children but no huge issues.
At the age of 5, DS1 was excluded from his infant school in Australia. We lived in a remote village and the school just had no idea how to cope with his uniqueness. By this age he had developed obsessions...at this time it was Dr Who and he had one outfit that he thought was like the Doctor's that he would wear constantly, would never let me wash it. The overcoat was actually his manly dressing gown and he had now idea that his school friends were ridiculing him....he thought he looked amazing. Over the past few years the obsessions have been Michael Jackson, magic and now scary tricks. Anything he can study, get his teeth into and practice over and over...they really take over his life then poof...like a flash of smoke he has no interest in them anymore.
At the time of his exclusion we had already planned to return to the UK. He started infant school here and all was ok, they tolerated his behaviour (not listening in class, no friends, acting class clown to entice friendships).
Behaviour at home deteriorated rapidly. He focused his obsessive behaviour on his brother who literally wasn't allowed to breathe, eat or talk within DS1's presence. If he did, he was punched. Same for me too...I often showed school the bruises on my arms as a way of documenting what was going on at home. His obsessive behaviour then quickly manifested into a touching routine, having to touch each object he passed four times, on each corner. this was so intrusive and even made him weep with frustration, eventually asking me to do the touching for him as he couldn't control his compulsions. DS is now 9.
We were referred to CAMHS in Feb 2009, seen in Sept 2009, ADOS June 2010, and given a wishy diagnosis of sensitivity disorder. No ASD at all, allegedly. I have beaten schools door down asking for help, as it is clear that something is not right. They did a CAF but the only agency on it was speech and language which said they had no reason to work with him. I met with the behaviour specialist from the local secondary school who suggested I bought him a tv for his room and let him eat his meals in there, so that we don't disturb him. I ask for meetings with the head on a regular basis but she is not responsive...it is a local school with a lot of pupils on child protection plans so her focus is elsewhere. He is in a class with 3 teachers, one mon and Tues, one we'd and Thurs and one Friday. He hates this.
He was referred for OT of which he has had two in school visits, the second of which the OT expressed her delight in how well he'd behaved during Mathletics. I then glumly informed her that yesterday, during Mathletics, he had sand for the whole lesson and written a poem about MJ. Noone talks to each other, I feel I am the only one holding this all together.
I don't know what my next step is. We have been re referred to CAMHs but the initial appt is not until Oct FFS. Have an appointment with Daphne keen in August as I am convinced that someone has missed a trick somewhere.
No matt how many times I ask the school for support, I get nothing. I simply get called in weekly to be told how much DS1 has misbehaved and disrupted the class, and given punishments for him to complete at home. Today, my child minder collected him from school and got called in by the head teacher who then informed my fucking childcarer all about DS's bad behaviour and his punishment. I am so cross about this...they know I work full time and i'm never out of school activities anyway so why they had to share details with the child minder I have no idea.
I am considering another school, simply as I feel DS is now hitting a brick wall and has zero motivation. School is also not forthcoming with any ideas of what we can do to help him. He is not achieving, constantly in trouble and miserable.
So sorry for the long post, never intended for it to be so long and yet I have missed out most of the gory details! Does anyone have any ideas of wha my next step could be? Have been trying to source ABA tutor but nothing available in this area at all.