Why do I f***ing bother?

[FreshWest]

It's a nice day finally, so against my better judgement, I decided wouldn't it be nice to enjoy an afternoon at a local attraction? Recently dd has been doing well feeding the ducks etc so thought I'd take her to the wildfowl trust place near us. What a disaster. First problem was the lady at the desk thought it would be better to serve the people who were buying the entire stock of the gift shop first. This was in spite ofme saying that dd really does not like waiting and dd was adding to my argument by screaming loudly her protestations at having to wait. Im trying to teach her about queuing etc but when the lady comes over to speak to us in dd's world that means were next.
It went downhill from there. She did not stop screaming and I lasted all of twenty mins before marching her back to the car. I have bawled my eyes out all the way home and slammed the door shut on her whilst I sob over MNSN.
I was so depressed seeing all the happy families enjoying their day whilst looking at me wrestle with dd.
It makes me think it's pointless trying to do anything nice for dd cos it just ruins the day. Then I feel guilty about not doing things when we have a nice day weather wise as I feel she's missing out, but then how would she know?
At least I saved her entrance fee by lying about her age
Sorry, rant over, as you were.

often felt this way with ds. You have all my sympathy. It's shit isn't it? Whilst I know this is not really the answer, I have abandoned lots of these outings with ds because it makes me feel worse in the long run. We have set places where we take him because we know he will enjoy it. We phone up to check is actually open, not too busy etc, often set off really early to avoid any queuing and search for any SN playschemes to give us a day off now and then. It isn't what I had hoped for and I totally get how upsetting it is to know that others are just bloody enjoying the day so easily. Only you know whether it will get easier by persevering. I know others do but I have taken the path of least resistance.

Just a thought, but does your local council have any equivalent of our Children's Network? Both of my kids have ASD and are registered with ours and have cards which entitle them to free or cut price entry into various local attractions. It makes taking the risk a little less of a financial strain. We also try to do things with the kids as early in the morning as possible, when they're fresher and the rest of the world is still lingering over breakfast (an advantage of having super early risers!)

Ah west I feel your pain. Usually when days go tits up like that for us its when we have gone out to keep other people happy or because we feel like we should be doing something with the day.

God we had some orrible days o
ut when dd2 was younger.

Sorry you've had a shit time Fresh, I've been there. Gear yourself up for a lovely (normal) family day out, only to end up red faced, marching DS back to the car and then cried and sobbed whilst DS sits in the back of the car oblivious to what has just happened and unaware he's totally ruined everything. And yes, it hurts seeing people enjoying family days out while ours descends into shitty beyond shit.
I agree with ouryve, early morning and get there before everyone else is usually better for us.
I usually play the "oh he's autistic" card when he's being a bugger in the queue and 9 times out of 10 the till people let either me or DH in for free as carers.
We never give up taking him places though, as sometimes we all have a good time.

If you called the wildfowl trust ahead of time (say in the morning before you leave) and briefly explain the situation, do you think they might make arrangements to have what you need ready for you when you get there, so that you can just pop to the register, pay, and then go feed the ducks? Sort of a "pre-booking" thing, if you will. I would think if you explained the situation (re SNs) to a manager, they would be sympathetic.

Thanks everybody. I just needed to let it all out somewhere and DH had gone mountain biking! He came home and told me I was v brave and was glad that I keep trying these things. Made me feel a bit better. Im not sure whether getting there early or letting them know in advance would have made much difference on this occasion, she was just having "one of those moments" where nothing was making it better.
Think we will just stick with what we know works for a bit then when I feel brave again try something different. Thanks everybody, helps to know I'm not alone. Looking at all the "normal" families doesn't really feel like it sometimes.

Hi FreshWest, I don't mean to hijack your thread but I was going to post a very similar message this morning.

We went to a wedding yesterday - one of dh's best friends so I felt we had to go. I spent the entire reception outside with ds (2.8yrs) as he refused to talk, look or play with anyone. There were lots of people we haven't seen since ds was born, all trying to play/talk to him etc and he became hysterical if anyone even looked at him.

I had to take him to a corner of the garden and make him face a wall to calm down. DH had to bring my food out to me and I had to eat alone on a bench.

Meanwhile all around me were other children playing together, allowing friends to swing them round, chase them etc.

It's very, very hard. What do you say to people who stare at you while your child screams hysterically when another child comes up to them? Do you go into the whole 'my child has asd' and then get the pity?

If ds had his way I think he'd be happy if we never left the house ever. It's difficult to know what to do for the best isn't it: do you keep trying these things or do you say 'what's the point?' as it's so stressful for the child and the parent.

Sorry I can't offer any constructive advice - just wanted to say that you're not alone!