Failed day out :-(

[Ineedbunting]

Decided to take one of Dd3's "friends" out for a day today, what a nightmare.

It was all going ok until said friend decided to go off in the opposite direction to Dd3 and Dd3 tried to get her to do what she wanted.

I wasn't in earshot but knowing Dd3 she probably did shout at her.

Friend goes off in a strop. I try to get them to make up but Dd3 cant see what she has done wrong, admits to possibly raising her voice but didn't mean to upset her so won't apologise.

Friend was not happy so even when Dd3 tried really hard to make amends was having none of it and kept walking away.

I tried talking to her and eventually asked her if she wanted to go home, she said she did. So We came home.

Dd3 cried nearly all the way home, about 40 minutes and still has no idea what she has done wrong.

I feel so gutted, it was supposed to be a nice day out but ended up crap

Nobody needs to answer this, I just needed to tell someone

I feel for you. I have tried and tried to include my children or one of my childrens 'friends' and it has always ended in disaster.

Probably not what you want to hear but I have had to accept that our activities and family life are restricted more than people realise. This also means explaining to DS1 why I can't take him and his friend out. It's a tiny bit heartbreaking.

Big hugs to you. I hope you feel better soon.

It's not a disaster. I mean it wasn't what you'd dreamed it woukd be, but it was life experience and still better you had done it than not, for your dd.

ooops, shouldn't have used the word 'disaster'.

I am sorry your day didn't work out. I've been there. It is difficult.

Dont worry about using the word disaster, its exactly what it was. I tried to use the word in the title but couldn't spell it.LOL, was a bit stressed at the time.

Dd3 is still very upset, but not about the friend about missing her day out!!

Typical her, I cant decide whether to take her again on friday [without the friend]. Or whether that gives her the wrong message.

I have years of experience of taking other peoples kids out Dd2 never goes anywhere with a friend but today was different and no amount of conflict resolution was going to work.

Both the girls have been attending a friendship group at school for the last half term run by the behaviour support service!! Do you think I should tell them its not working.

Nothing like learning the hard way, is there

Sounds like the sort of thing that would happen with dd1, we have had couple play dates here in the past and one ended very similar (with a upset child wanting to go home).

Dd1 had a friend (where we used to live) and she often came to play (well her mum just sent her to our house), it would always end with one or both of them crying, i always thought it was dd1 as she does get a bit stressed and hates being told what to do but sinse moving she has played with several other children and has been fine. I think some children just don't get on (even more so if they are too similar). Dd1 has been pushed together with other girls at school (friendship groups) and it hasn't worked, she has made her own friends but most of them are boys (which if fine).

Please dont worry about what happened, most of our days out end badly and early due to one of the dd's getting upset, it is hard though when things don't go to plan.

It sounds very familiar. Esp the bit about her being upset not about the friend but about the day out.

I'd take her by yourself if I were you.

Thanks folks, we had a short trip out today with her best friend who is a boy. It was very successful. Obviously i need to be more aware of our limitations.

Will maybe try the day trip again on friday weather permitting but it will just be me and Dd3 this time.

We dont tend to do home play dates Dd3 cant cope with people touching her stuff.

I'm glad your trip out today went well.

I agree with the being more aware of our limitations statement. There is a time to push, and a time to try and it's a learning curve. It's hard, but you sometimes have to accept some things don't work JUST NOW but it may change in future.

I hope the weather is ok on Friday.

Thanks change

Forced friendships don't work - they have to have complimentary personalities and some shared interests. Sounds easy but feels like searching for a needle in a haystack!

Talk to the behavior support team by all means, but chalk it up to experience as you just don't know from whence the breakthroughs will appear till you try.

I'm so glad you went out the next day with a different child & it went well. Do the trip Friday so your daughter doesn't wind up holding resentment towards the other child at their next meeting.

Sorry didnt make that very clear, the girls have been in a group working on maintaining friends and working together.

They were already friends before the group started but now I am wondering is school have had issues with them and Dd3 hasnt mentioned it. There is normally a.goup of 4 though so i am guessing that the other 2 balance things up abit.

I know she must be difficult to be friends with because everything is on her terms.

I am still waiting to.see what the flippin weather is going to be like tomorrow.