aspergers and pushing/shoving

[notactuallyme]

ds (9) has aspergers. he is lovely, obv, school is great and we are okay with supporting mild/moderate hypermobility and language issues. He does have meltdowns (normal, i know) but the one thing I am finding hard is when he pushes or shoves me or his dad. Its never enough to hurt, and I think its probably not going to escalate (hopeful!) - its something he does when complying with an instruction (eg, go to your room to calm down ) but when he doesnt think something is fair. Eg he has upset a sibling, which he thinks is justified, but we see as unkind. So, he gets over upset trying to explain, and ends up doing this. I veer towards ignoring it, as I feel he is complying with what has been asked, and I 'get' him. Anyone else have any thoughts?

Thanks imogen - we have managed to change his 'wanting affection but not knowing how to ask' (!) shoving or jumping and he likes firm cuddles or playfighting, and is good at this now. Its the unable to stop himself as he is so cross/ frustrated bit that is still here. Theres definitely a link with frustration and sensory stuff, i think. We have been really lucky to have pointers in the right direction from ot and others - exercise before bed has been great to calm him down, weirdly. I too shall watch with interest.

Anyone else?

Yes me, Dd3 pushes or shoulder barges me when she is really unhappy about complying.

It usually happens when she is about to comply but really doesnt want to. She also growls.

TBH I normally step aside as she comes towards me, I say do not push me and then as she goes to do whatever i have asked her to do i say "thankyou for doing what i have asked"

This maybe completely the wrong thing to do but i dont generally punish the pushing because she is actually complying.

If it starts to happen more often or becomes more aggressive i will have to deal with it.

I get growling, punching and kicking. He doesn't do pushing yet,

bunting - same here. I feel like if he is complying, the pushing or shoving is a side issue. But obviously its not great. ben we get very mild punching too. I will try addressing it mildly. Do we think so long as we have compliance its sort of okay?

It is a tricky one, I have a no aggression rule for Dd2 towards Dd3 because she is physically very strong and can send Dd3 flying.

I do say "do not push me or no pushing" when she does it.

Now I read it I kind of know that I shouldn't b e accepting it from her but like you say if it goes along with the compliance then maybe it is not so terrible.

TBH, who is to say what is the right and wrong way to parent our children. I am going to carry on as we are at the moment because most of the time the compliance is what I need. If things start to escalate or become more aggressive I will have to have a rethink.

Sometimes its nice to find that others have the same issues and attitudes tbh. I feel like we are teaching him so many things (alongside school stuff!) About socialising that some will have to wait?

I agree about having to teach so many skills, Dd3 has been learning a lot about anxiety this term at school alongside a maintaining friendships group. On top of her day to day school stuff she is just about knackered when she gets home so I can make a few allowances for small behaviour issues.

I agree that it is nice to talk to people who are going through similar things