Tribunal: how close did you get to a breakdown?

[mariamariam]

Approaching deadline to appeal 'failure to assess'. Namechanged now for obvious reasons, but still recognisable to regulars. The charities have given good advice but say they wont be offering more than that since we seem to know what we're doing and they need to concentrate on parents who havent a clue (i paraphrase)

School will be opposing the application (partly genuine difference of opinion, partly sheer ignorance, partly because in cahoots with the LEA) so i need ro make sure the case is spot on. And i have s tendsncy to obscess and waste hours in projects like this, but we can't afford an advocate. Definitely cant afford a solicitor/ barrister.

My main fear though, is that I can't personally afford a breakdown as 1. my job wd probably not be there on recovery; 2. the dc would lose more than we'd gain in getting DS an adequate education; 3. Ds1 really won't get a workable education without a statement.

Advice please!!!

I felt "the system" was in danger of destroying any semblance of family life & sucking out my joy in motherhood

Focus on retaining the simple stuff, such as enjoying taking the dog & child to the park for a picnic, or playing with shaving foam letters in the bath. Every family has little things that make them unique and special, little silly trivial routines, in jokes & traditions.

Sadly by the time tribunal came around my parenting had been under attack for so long, and so many lies and dirty tricks had been played that I was starting to lose sight of who I am as a mother. Block out blocks in your diary to enjoy your child if you have to. Fake it until you can make it so you don't lose your family cohesion if you have to.

I've often stressed on here that you need to balance every battle against the potential damage to the quality of your ordinary, everday family life. I don't want my son to grow up with a mother so exhausted and embittered by the struggle she lacks the energy to listen to him, or give him a hug when he needs one. At the same time he needs to have confidence I've got his back as he strives to overcome his difficulties and achieve his potential. It's a delicate balance.

Thanks v much, perception and boch. Im sorry you both had such a bad time, the need for hospital admission As you see I'm stressing about this at a silly hour, so do need to try not to lose more than we gain. I like boch's diary idea, my problem is over-researching things which

Sorry. Which takes up hours I have better uses for.

I didn't get close to a breakdown but I'm a changed person and will probably never get over the bitterness of the time I lost from my kids and my family at a time they needed me the most.

I'm on my second tribunal and have learned to get a life balance and that 'life happens WHILST you are preparing for tribunal'

Sadly the reason I have this attitude now is because I know from experience that a tribunal doesn't necessarily change anything, so it isn't like you can build up, get through it and relax. There are always obstructive people, and always annual reviews, and that is even if you get a fair hearing and win.

Leonie, I'm not saying they have a case, but the system is set up in a way that makes tribunal the better option for the LAs in the majority if cases, even if they lose.

Hiya. I suppose the reasons im worried that i might be pushed 'over the edge' is that I currently tick all the boxes for most 'moderate' in pretty much every anxiety disorder and my appetite is doing the same as Leonie's. Have done moderate depression in the past, and as that was pretty undon't fancy anything more severe.

blasted phone: 'was pretty unpleasant' I mean

With my fight with LA I did feel pushed to my limits regularly tbh. Had they behaved rationally, reasonably and according to the guidelines I think I'd have coped better but it was the complete disregard to the law that drove me to distraction because it was pretty much impossible to second guess what shite they were going to come up with next.
I haven't felt myself since we won tbh, I can't work out whether it's because I lived on adrenalin for so long that I now feel flat or whether this is the new me.
Like Star I am bitter that they stole fifteen months of my life and time and resources that should have been used on my dc for no other reason than to evade their legal duty and responsibility for the education and welfare of ds to save money.

I could have written insanity's post. I found it incredibly stressful. We had serious stupid games in the last week - witness changes etc etc.
I was visibly shaking on the day as losing meant DS would be consigned to the educational gutter of failure for years - our LA not only ignored all the rules but made up really nasty personal stuff about us to discredit us as witnesses. We won everything we asked for and more, but it didn't take away the bitterness of the fight. Both Dh and I will never be the same, I think it was borderline PTSD tbh. The people who promised to help us through the worst thing that had ever happened to us turned out to be people who harmed us more than we could ever have imagined. Being on the sharp end of injustice is tough. The stress comes from having no control. Even the paed's letters to the GP around that time make us sound like obsessed maniacs. And at the centre of all of this, completely forgotten by the LA was a 3 year old child.
I have to say that the actual tribunal day was ok. There is something quite therapeutic about getting to have your say about your child and people having to listen. the LA still tried to butt in and talk over us the whole time, but it was actual positive to be able to talk about DS rather than all the smokescreens the LA had thrown up.
I would not change the right to go to tribunal for the world. It is stressful, but without it the LAs would get away with far worse. And they won't know your case or your child like you do.
Using personal examples of what your child can and can't do is great evidence - they don't know anything about your child, they don't have any examples so keeping the evidence on the child gives you an advantage.

I agree with your posts Agnes and Insanity. I agree with the feeling of borderline PTSD too - it feels very traumatic, and it is very easy to be transported back there as you never really escape from it afterwards - win or lose - as you are dealing with an LA about a child with special needs.

I certainly felt violated when I was labelled vexatious without any justification or warning three weeks before Tribunal. This meant the LA would not accept guarantee to answer any further correspondence from me.

I have to say the oversight bodies I have complained to have then compounded this feeling of powerless and violation as no matter how clearly you lay out the law and facts, they get out of it.

On my vexatious ban, the LGO has aid - yes, you should have had a warning and yes they did not review after 6 months in accordance with their policy and no the Council did not follow our guidance either. So the Council needs to alter its policies and practices. But this isn't maladministration. Seriously - what is that about???

AE we have got to the end of the Council complaint process. They got an indep Stage 2 report (I say indep the guy actually used to work for them) - then refused to share anything other than chosen extracts of it with us. All along all we asked for was a reason why they did not follow the advice they got from their own EP (which was for SS or ABA) but placed him in mainstream. The Chief Exec has written personally to 'reassure' us that he is happy the SEN officer did the right thing, and assured us that in future all decisions where they go against an expert report will have reasons given - BUT still not given US a reason.
I am trying to resist the urge to write back and tell him to shove his reassurance up his patronising A*SE.