my head hurts from shouting..

[thisisyesterday]

I know when DS1 is at his worst it generally means something is not right or is upsetting him... but OH.MY.GOD

he is intelligent. so why does he do this? why can't he understand?
I could just cry right now.

I am so sick of having to ask him to do things over and over and over again, and eventually having to shout before he'll actually do it, and then the temper tantrums...

He asks why his brother "always" (ie, once. today. for the first time) gets a treat for putting his clothes on, and he never does.

well, DS, your brother listened to me and went and put his shoes on when I asked him to. And just now, he listened to me and went and put his pyjamas on. He got a treat for listening and doing as he was asked and behaving nicely

he SCREAMS at me that he put his shoes and pyjamas on too

I then try and explain (with him shouitng IDIOT CLAIRE at me the whole time) that the reason he didn't get a treat is because he refused to do either of those things, wouldn't listen to me, I asked him many times to do it and eventually had to shout and threaten punishments to get him to do it.

DP then calls downstairs and says "DS, can you come up and do your teeth please?"

he ignores it. I say "DS, this is what I mean.... Daddy has asked you to do your teeth and you are ignoring him. If you did as you were told maybe you would get a treat too"

does he do it? does he fuck. he sits down here whining and moaning at me. he is asked and then told to go and do his teeth. I eventually shout at him. too loudly. but it's just so fucking tiring. I don't want to do this any more. i don't want these battles.

if one more person says to me "you were given him because you can deal with him" I will punch them in the face. It was bad luck. bad luck that he has autism. I can't deal with it all the time and when I can't deal with it it makes it worse for all of us, especially him.

sorry. don't even really need responses I don't think, i just need to rant somewhere that I know people will understand what it's like....

I understand. Really. We are having an evening of screaming, punching and ignoring too. I have come down to MN before I lose it, frankly.
Is he in bed now. Can you have a cup of tea/wine/soak in the bath.
I'm sorry, it shouldnt' be like this.
It is not how I thought it would be, either.

I get it. Rant away.

And then go and get a cuppa and try and relax.

((hugs)))

Infuriating. We have days like that too. I also get 'ds is lucky to have you as his mum as you are so good with him'. No, I have had no choice but learn how to be good with him. And it is a constant challenge to continue to be good with him. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day - my ds is particularly grim the last week of each term as he is knackered.

thanks, it does help knowing that other people get how hard it is. sad though, that we're all having to deal with it :( it's not what i signed up for!

have put kettle on and sent dp out for a bit of takeaway so i don't have to cook.

DS1 is fine now. went upstairs, finished his rant and sat laughing at the story DP was reading to hisbrothers, then went nicely to bed
Once he has got it all out of his system he is fine, it's as if nothing ever happened.

I know people are trying to be nice when they say stuff like that "he's lucky to have you" etc etc.. but we're only doing what anyone would aren't we? and a lot of the time we'd rather we weren't. and what you actually want people to say is "that must be so hard, have a big hug"

oh OP its so hard and so bloody unfair. DS has autism and everyday its so hard and i feel so pissed off with people who have not got a clue how hard it is. enjoy the wine and hope tomorrow is better. i get the well meaning comments "you were chosen for him" etc. but its bollocks isn't it. its the worst luck in the world and asd is so unfair, along with all disabilities. i just feel like we have had such bad luck that our lovely boy has asd. thank goodness for MN where others 'get it'

I know exactly what you are going through. DS is in his twenties and he can still wind me up to boiling point like this. Then, he is calm because he has let it all out and I'm still wound up and can't sleep!

Oh I understand this so well. Ranting helps!
I went through a stage where it drove me so mad that I told DS, that I would say something once, repeat it, but if I had to say it a third time I would punish him. I did this for a while and saw a great improvement.
Then he realised he could ignore twice and did so deliberately and that wound me up so I abandoned it. But now I am back to getting cross too

it's so frustrating isn't it? and it's so sad because you just wish that they could not have all this stress and upset in their lives too, because it can't be nice for them

my mum just rang so I've ranted to her for about 2 hours too

feel a bit better now, and we have an action plan for going forward.
that's hard too though isn't it? you can know what you should do, and things you can try to make things easier, but putting them into practice every single bloody day can sometimes be impossible, especially when you have other children to consider as well.

Sorry. Been drinking from the bottle. There may be backwash.

We go through this non stop with DS1. I'm always amused when an emotionless "Do as you are told" ends the argument, though. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it just flicks a switch!