DS's assessment has finally arrived. I'm waiting for him to go to bed so I can cry

[OracleInAMonarchale]

I was prepared for dyspraxia, I really was. But how could I not know how behind he is and how bad things are? what kind of mother does that make me? when he mispronounces I assume its just "him". when he goes off on a tangent, I assume its just "him". when he cant hold his pencil, I assume its just "him".

he is below average on just about everything, and while he has a good vocabulary, his understand of basic words are poor.

My poor baby, I feel like I've failed him. Ive been so desperate for another baby that Ive missed DS's problems.

I don't post here much but I didn't want to not reply.... I'm sorry you're feeling so sad, it can be horrible seeing things written down objectively. DS1 got his diagnosis 2 months ago and although I knew on an intellectual level that he had difficulties I was still in floods of tears when they actually said ASD. I think it's totally normal as a mother that you start going over everything and thinking 'why didn't I notice a/b/c, why did I/didn't I do x/y/z'. But no-one expects their own child to have difficulties, and when it's an accumulation of small details you do just see it as part of what's normal for your child because it is just part of who they are, and you're not (I'm guessing) a paediatrician or child development expert, you're a mum.
He's still your baby and yes, it is c**p when your baby has to deal with extra challenges that most kids don't. So give him a big hug and have a big cry, and remind yourself that this is one of the worst bits, now you can identify where the difficulties are you can start moving towards getting him whatever help he needs.

You poor thing. You haven't failed him. Our children just sometimes "get" these conditions. There is lots you can do to help him develop and support him now you know what you are dealing with.

Do not blame yourself.

....and we all think we are expecting a dx but it always hits you smack in the face when you get one.

thanks, it was just a shock to see my lovely little boy and all his unique hisism's picked apart and twisted iykwim.

I've only been on this path a year as DS is only 3 - but it has been hard reading all the negative points that are written in assessments. I spoke to one of his SEN assessors (lovely) and she said they have to write the worst case scenarios of what they observe as that is what helps to get help and push your childs case further if required. But it is really hard reading. But as they said you wouldnt get anywhere with help if they only wrote about all your DS's achievements.

We have paediatric assessment soon and DS has been offered place at an SN nursery so I know how hard it is to see your son going in a different direction - and all the things I love about him are things that are often viewed negatively.
sorry if a ramble. But I know how you feel.

i missed dd's hypermobility... and I worked with 3-7 year olds so i should have noticed rather than nursery. you sort of get used to their unique personality and don't get to see a whole load of children in detail to compare with.

I am waiting to for an assessment on ds.

Huge hugs. My DS2 is (to me) the most adoreable, funny little guy ever. Reading the OT report and the 'names' given to all his little issues really floored me, I just thought 'he has REAL issues, it's not just me being fussy', but I really wanted it to be me being fussy. Now I just think, I have all the info and support to help him and I can change his future. In nursery he's not thought of as stupid/naughty/clumsy, he has planning and sequencing delays/proprioception (so he's driven to running around to feel safe)/hypermobile joints (so falls easily). The difference in his report from before dx to the most recent one is amazing. I think you're a brave, wonderful Mum to have found out what's going on with your child and now you can change his future :)

DS2 was 4 and in Reception when his teacher said "I think you should get him checked out - he does fall over a lot, doesn't he? And then there's the tiptoe walking". I looked at her like she was insane - that was just what DS2 was like - no big deal. Then I registered he fell over 3 times during that walk home from school.

Anyway, he's very Dyspraxic. It has passed me by completely, and it felt like being hit by a truck. It didn't make me a crap mother - it just meant it had passed me by completely. You get so used to your own child that you don't always see the wood for the trees - please don't beat yourself up about this.

Hugs, you haven't failed him. You've seen his issues and had him assessed so he can get the right help. It wasn't really until I filled in the DLA form for DS1 that it really hit me how different he was, everything I just took for granted that that is how he is.

You poor thing diagnosis can be so cruel,and you are not a crap mother. Please remember nothing has changed for him he is still your lovely boy, it is your perception that has changed so carry on loving him and accept all useful advice and chuck out the rest. Good luck.

thank you all, trying to work out where we go from here. I noticed today what they mean by his "immaturity", we were on the bus into town, and he clambered onto my lap and curled up. he is seven.

Bless him, oracle my dd3 is 9 and has ASD, she still likes to climb on me and curl up.

Be kind to yourself and remember to come on here for advice and support, it really is a great place.

good luck

thanks, the thing was, its one of the things that I love so much about him. I love how innocent, and affectionate he is.

He sounds lovely oracle, and I hope that the report will help you to access the right support for him.

That's the thing you need to keep hold of - the lovely curling up on you on a bus bits. Whatever his needs are, it is those needs that make him your lovely boy. Hang on to that.

I spent a lot of time wishing DSs 2 and 3 weren't Dyspraxic. Then one day I had a lightbulb moment where I realised that without it they wouldn't be who they were, and that I wouldn't ever want to change who they were. If it's their experience with Dyspraxia which makes DS2 eccentric and sweet, and makes DS2 feisty and determined, then it's actually wonderful.

My DS loves to sit on myknee and cuddle me, and still calls me mummy (nota usual thing to do for older kids where I live), he is also 7.

I remember the feelings when you get the assessment reports and the diagnosis - it hits you even if you WERE expecting it/ you HAD noticed. It's ok to reel from this but please don't beat yourself up about it.

I feel exactly how you do. We received DS assesment a few weeks so and are still trying to take it in. The only difference being DS is 11 and I've known something not right for at least the last 3 years only all his teachers and TAs told me not to be silly. He has language and auditory processing disorder, his language skills and memory are that of a seven year old, I too feel at a loss as what to do. Please feel 'lucky' if that's the right word to have an earlier diagnosis. My DS is going to secondary school September and it is really starting to scare me, I have no idea how they will 'deal' with this and how he'll cope :( I guess only time will tell x

I am pleased that its been picked up early, and now its started to sink in, \i feel a bit better. glad to know its normal for it to feel like like this

we have had the diagnosis for Aspergers for quite some time and I knew before we got it that we would get it iykwim so I felt prepared and when it came I mostly coped. Roll on 3 years and we thought we knew what was going on again...it was astoundingly obvious to us that he had learning disabilities as well as having Aspergers. I was prepared so I thought until after the assessment we were told he doesn't have dyslexia or any other specific learning disability but that the assessor thought that he had such profound adhd that he may never learn to read and write without medication (what was not said was "how could you possibly have missed this) My world fell apart that day but each day I have stood a little taller and although I feel like you I have failed him I also know that her analysis of my son is not the be all and end all of who he is....even if she is right about the adhd (still undergoing assessment) nobody else has ever picked it not his psychologists, not his teachers, not friends, not family and not me...I am not trained in this, I don't think anyone is ever prepared enough for the reality of their own child but I do know that each and every one of the people on this board including you have done all they can every day of their child's life and that you have to focus on the have done's rather than on the should have's.