DD is showing more and more signs of AS. In desperate need of some positive stories please.

[whodathunkit]

Hi everyone.

DD has been doing surprisingly well in school over the past year, but all of a sudden school have been suggesting that she has emotional and social issues, which i've always felt tbh.......on and off anyway.

I've been doing lots of research recently about AS and as DD gets older she is ticking more and more boxes and I'm just really struggling to think positively about all of this.

All that keeps going through my mind are questions like will she ever have friends? Will she ever have a boyfriend? Will she be able to live independently? Will she have a job/career? etc etc. Basically, will she have a 'normal' life? I know it's the age old question and i'm no different to any of you who have no doubt asked yourselves exactly the same things. I know it's normal, but I just feel like a nervous wreck today. Everytime I think about it in the last couple of days, I break down and cry. I get so angry at myself.

Please, i'm in desperate need of some positive stories about your dc's with AS. What happens when they become teenagers? Is bullying inevitable? As someone who struggled at school, but for completely different reasons, I can't bear to think that the road ahead is going to be so gloomy for her.

Thanks very much for reading this.

My son's Gran is a primary teacher with AS. His Dad trained as an engineer and is currently on a 2000 mile road trip with the boys across Europe, (speaks a few languages too). His 1/2 bro is on track for A's at GCSE. My AS neighbour got a 1st class degree.

AS means they learn differently to the norm, but they can deffo learn. Yes as adults they'll find some things harder than the norm, but none of us are comic book super heroes & we all have our challenges in life. Some things that the rest of us learn implictly AS bods have to be taught explicitly. As a caring Mum you'll go that extra mile to ensure either you or school teach those things

Why wouldn't she have a boyfriend? DS wouldn't be here if AS bods were incapable of relationships. (Neither would his Dad!).

The bullying risk is high if your kid has red hair or glasses - schools have a legal responsibility to stamp on it.

School can be horrid without understanding staff, BUT if they can get through school OK as adults they'll find their own niche

Noone is promised an easy life, even the Queen has had problems at times. There's no reason your child's can't be as contented as anyone else's though.

Thank you bochead I really appreciate your post.

I really hope I wont offend anybody by asking those blunt questions. I suppose it's still not recognised or spoken about as much in girls, I know when I was at school I didn't know anybody with AS, but ofcourse that's not to say that nobody had it. They were just considered quirky or weird and unfortunately, looking back that how I used to see them.

I look at her playing(just come back from spying on her at school) and she looks so bubbly, friendly and contented and I just struggle at the thought that she is different. I know it's ok to be different and she really is a special little girl. She's funny, hillariously OTT, creative, caring, loving and from a distance, you would say, sociable. It's only when you get up close and here her communication skills, that you why she's struggling to form friendships.

I've requested school do some social stories with her and encourage her to mix more, but whenever I ask a potential friend of DD's mum or dad if they'd like they're DC to come and play one day, it's always oh yes that sounds great and then it's always cancelled last minute with an excuse and then no other play date is suggested. I can't force or manufacture friendships for her, so I really don't know what to do. I know that having classmates round would really benefit her. Any tips on how to approach that?

Thanks again.

My dad almost certainly has AS, he's a retired engineer, loved his work and did really well, has always been incredibly sensible with money, is quite able to look after small grandchildren, even my 2 DS's with SN. His best friend is my mum, they have been married for nearly 45 years (I won't say it's been that easy for my mum thinking she was mad til we all heard about AS and looked straight at him!)
One possibly negative thing to remember for future reference is that this is genetic and anyone on the spectrum (or related to such) ought to be prepared when starting a family that they may have an SN kid (or two). One reason why DX and awareness helps, our kids might well be in our shoes one day.