Any advice about (asd) DS over-estimating friendships?

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DS (5yrs old) thinks that everyone is his best friend. He's just started a new school, is in a composite class of primary 1 and 2 yr olds, and has latched onto an older primary 2 boy. He thinks this boy is his best friend but the boy doesn't want to be his friend.

He follows him around every day asking if he can be his friend yet despite the boy telling him no. The boy is now getting annoyed and I think he's realised that DS is quite naive and him and his other older friends have started hitting DS and other things like ganging up and throwing grass at him etc until he gets upset and goes away.

I've tried explaining that the boy doesn't want to be friends with him but DS doesn't understand/believe that and wont leave him alone. He talks about this boy constantly too, how can I stop this before DS gets hurt more?

Has anyone got any advice, no matter how small? I'm up late worrying :(

Oh dear. We have a bit of this too (ds 5yo HFA) - thinks everyone is his 'friend'.

School need to be on top of this - does he have a statement? Does this (or IEP through SA+?) cover work on social interaction? They could also try putting a circle of friends or buddy scheme in place. What support are they giving him to help him integrate?

In any case school need to know about the 'hitting and ganging up' - it's appalling that this is happening in Reception

Would a social story help do you think? We have also recently tried a mind-map regarding a specific social situation. Hard to say for sure but it did seem to go in - ds certainly seemed to listen. As ever though, of course the problem is generalising...

Do you know any of the other children/mums yet? Would be worth trying to get some playdates going if you can, to try and foster other (genuine) friendships for ds so he loses interest in this boy. And try and find some kids who are like-minded, have the same interests etc.

We're going to be working shortly (in our ABA programme) on teaching ds the difference in strangers/teachers/adults/family (he would happily talk to a stranger in a shop about any old nonsense, including personal things eg 'my daddy's 42 and my grandma was 90 but now she's dead' - you get the picture!). If it's useful I'll let you know how we tackle it and whether it works.

Thanks baily, social stories sound good, I feel bad breaking it to ds that not everyone want to be best friends, he looks heartbroken when I try and explain so hopefully a social story can help to try and get it to sink in.

About talking to other parents, I wouldn't know where to start , I'm not very good at that at all and don't know which parents have children in DS's class either as this is just his 2nd week. I'm looking into clubs etc nearby so hopefully he'll find friends there who are in his class too.

He has social groups in his IEP and he's been assigned buddies too but it still hasn't diverted attention away from this particular boy.

No statement yet but we're looking at getting his dx in the next few weeks so will bring up getting a statement then as camhs will be having a big meeting with school and other professionals involved with DS to discuss best approaches to deal with him etc.

This meeting may turn out to be a lot of hot air and no real action. You may well be dissuaded at that time from applying for a statement. If that scenario happens, ignore them and make the request yourself.

Would suggest you have a look at IPSEA's website www.ipsea.org.uk; this has a lot of info on it and has model letters you can use re making a statement application.

School certainly need to be paying more attention here to what is happening at break and lunchtimes. I would keep flagging this issue up with them. Doesn't matter how young they are either; these children need to be told quite clearly that throwing grass and ganging up on more vulnerable people is completely unacceptable. They all need further guidance from the adults in school.

I have only really just 'clicked' as to why i'm constantly told that DD has so many different friends.

She is constantly telling me that so-and-so are her best friends and it's always someone different, when in actual fact she has only had 1 real friend and lots of other people she plays alongside.

She has always seemed so desperate for people to like her and i've just gone along with it - maybe I need to sit through a social story with her.

DS (7, AS) is just growing out of this phase, although he is still the more enthusiastic one in his friendships. It is very hard, isnt it? My heart used to break for him.

I used to say that we don't need best friends, just good friends, and explain what a good friend does / how they behave.