How do you answer?

4 replies

r3dh3d · 20/02/2006 15:50

We went to a 2nd birthday party for one of DD1's peers from our NCT group on Sunday. One of the things DH and I were discussing in the car was how do we answer people when they ask how she is? We really don't know what to say.

I'm not sure if people ask because they want to know, or if they ask because they're concerned (but don't really want to hear the answer) or if they just ask to be polite.

What do you say? I find it difficult to say "pretty awful, her development has regressed, her personality has evaporated and they'll be taking the right half of her brain out in the next year" - because if you say that, the look on their faces..... But then again, I don't feel right saying "she's fine" - because she isn't and it would be like selling her short, somehow. I've tried saying "not too good" and then changing the subject - but that feels like I'm ashamed of her in some way (which I definitely am not).

Nothing feels right. Views?

OP posts:

emmalou78 · 20/02/2006 15:53

how about this:

'as well as can be expected given the circumstances'

that gives you the option to answer more questions or have it left at that.

buzylizy · 20/02/2006 17:12

I have a similar problem with people asking the will she walk/talk. even though she is 10 now I still haven't found a good way of answering.

Saker · 20/02/2006 17:57

I think saying "not too good" or "she still has a lot of difficulties" sounds okay but I wouldn't then change the subject yourself, just pause and see if they want to ask more.

heartinthecountry · 20/02/2006 19:12

Hi r3 - this is still something I find difficult. I think that groups of 'acquantainces' or friends who aren't really close friends are in some ways the hardest to deal with. In a similar situation dh once told someone that dd 'had big chunks of her brain missing' - you are right - quite a conversation stopper!

I agree with others - I think something like 'not great, unfortunately' but don't change conversation immediately. They will either offer some kind of platitude and extract themself from the conversation or ask you more if they are genuinely concerned and big enough to handle it.

It is hard though.

Flip