ds (6) has just punched me in the face again as I was putting him to bed, and I'm just feeling like I can't handle him now.
He is so difficult, nothing but angry and aggressive and grumpy and uncooperative and defiant and mean and miserable and violent. It just drains every bit of energy from me and ruins our family life. Every moment of time with him is poisoned by his anger, frustration and aggression.
I spend all my time and energy thinking of ways to help him, being endlessly patient and sometimes it feels like we're making real progress but then it always goes wrong again.
I can't help but constantly think how much nicer our life would be without him in it. That makes me feel terrible but I really wish we'd never had him. dd (8) is such a delight to be with; fun and happy and well mannered and kind, ds is just horrible, horrible, horrible.
I can't help looking round at other people who I can see are quite frankly crap parents, they let their children eat rubbish, watch tons of tv, interact negatively and still their children behave better than our ds. I have always done everything the 'right' way and not chosen the easy option. Both dc were breastfed til 11mths, weaned on homemade organic food, we've always restricted their tv, made sure they had plenty of exercise, spent loads of time with them read with them, played with them, their wellbeing has always been our priority, it has produced dd who is such a pleasure to be with and ds who is no pleasure at all. Now we are faced with a growing 6 yo who has no hesitation in punching me in the face if he is unhappy over the tiniest thing. How the fuck am I going to deal with him in the future??
I worry so much about him but sometimes I just think I can't do it anymore, I can't deal with the responsibility of 'fixing him' its fucking impossible and he's just going to turn into the most unpleasant anti-social adult and I cannot bear the thought of having to deal with this for the rest of my life.